I wasn’t going to touch the story about “nut rage”, but I can’t seem to bring myself to deny long-time reader and all-around temptress, Dolly, who requested something be written.

I wasn’t going to touch the story because, let’s face it, anyone who knows anything about Klown knows that this isn’t news. Not even the scale of it is news. This is your typical, mundane Tuesday afternoon in Klown.

It’s so very fucking traditional.

Let’s do a quick recap:

Prior to the (most recent) Japanese colonization in 1910, Klown was a stinking, festering mud pit of lean-to shanties, teeming with unwashed masses of disease-bearing serfs. It was a dogpile of illiterate, toothless farmers shitting in the same kinds of holes in the ground in which they buried their “food”stuffs. And no, this isn’t hyperbole. A filthy cesspool of ignorance and peasantry.

Today it’s pretty much exactly the fucking same, only with some concrete, electric lights and PVC-clad whores with cosmetically-obtained garden spade chins.

Anywhore, the Japanese came in and industrialized the place. Building amazing and miraculous things that the locals had never imagined, things such as roads, plumbing, hospitals with soap, factories, toilets, power plants… they forcibly dragged the palsy child of Klown out of the feces-smeared cave of 15th century ignorance and into the 20th.

Thanks to the Americans, the Japanese were defeated in WW2 and forced to depart the Korean Peninsula (AKA “Asia’s Gallbladder”). They left behind all the infrastructure they had crafted over the previous 35 years. One can imagine the Klowns, simian like, grunting, pointing and poking with sticks the strange metal and stone remains, perhaps gnawing on the edge of a drill like an infant trying to assess whether a book is or is not edible.

In what might be called in the movie world Planet of the Klowns, preferential access to said infrastructure and factory equipment was given to ideological loyalists, and following a coup, the 60s and 70s saw the rise of the chaebol. A dictator hand-selecting family-owned conglomerates to not only have access to the Japanese-made infrastructure, but also the Japanese and American money that was flooding into the country.

Reparations and grants and loans flooded Klown, but it didn’t find its way to the masses. Some people hit the ghetto lottery, like Klowns who purchased worthless Gangnam real estate before the farmland was paved over and the value skyrocketed. But as a whole, South Korea hit the Cold War Proxy Lottery. Moronically-titled “Miracle on the Han”, there was nothing “miraculous” about it. Tons of unearned funds flooding into the hands of a corrupt government that, instead of improving the lives of the people (who were working in sweatshops for slave labor wages while doing, for free, the jobs civil servants should have been paid to do), gave the money to these Klown korportations in the form of guaranteed, low/no interest loans and kickbacks.

Miracle? The infrastructure was inherited, the money was misappropriated, the designs and methodology were straight up patent infringement, and all this was overlooked by Uncle Sam, who was right in the depths of the Red Scare and couldn’t be bothered trying to parent (great role model). Typically, the chaebol Klowns are all self-congratulatory over their economic success and market dominance though every single aspect of their empire was given to them on a platter, or stolen by them from far more deserving rivals.

From the outset, chaebols have been taught that the average Korean isn’t worth the foul phlegm they decorate every surface with. But who can blame them? This is Klown Kulture. There is no respect. There is no appreciation. There is no loyalty. To a Klown, other Klowns aren’t even human. So when this reptilian bitch, this walking, talking yeast infection, Cho Hyun-Ah, does as Klowns do to each other each and every day, I didn’t even bat an eye.

Par for the fucking course.

The reward for the Saemaeul Undong, Uri Nara generation was a giant ‘fuck you’. Impoverished grannies selling cooch for ten bucks while the big korporations ship jobs overseas and humiliate airline stewards. Korean-made products cost as much as double (or more) here in Korea compared to North America. The ‘thank you’ for delayed social growth, nay, social retardation, to make these chaebol families rich is to grossly overcharge the domestic consumers (over which they have a government-reinforced monopoly) to pad their thin margins as they remain competitive overseas against companies that actually innovate instead of stealing every single idea they have. And as unethical as western corporations (and humans in general when It comes to money and power) are, this just goes beyond in so many other levels. It’s pretty fucking sick.

This is all just one example of the many ways in which Klown is a giant lie.

Uri nara my ass. A bunch of goat-raping, syphilitic, simple-minded vassals, crawling and clawing, backstabbing and nut-raging. “Miracle”. Pft. The only miracle here is that the whole system hasn’t already imploded so dramatically that even the IMF couldn’t bail Klown out.

But that day is coming.

And when it does, anal pustules like Cho Hyun Ah and her ilk will do as so many propaganda-spewing inner party Klowns have done before them, take as much money as they can and emigrate it out of the kuntry. They’ll live their lives in luxury while the whole shithouse goes up in flames. Only the saving grace is that they won’t be throwing nuts in anyone’s face. Oh no. They’d best quickly learn how to shut their shout-talking Klown face holes and look over their shoulders.

Fuck Cho Hyun Ah. Fuck her father. Fuck the chaebol and fuck Klown.

These resource thieves have no value. With any luck, she’ll go off herself in a field somewhere like the Sewol owner. That way at least she’ll fertilize a few plants and help return some of the oxygen she’s stolen away from the rest of us.

Klown Komments 3

As usual, reposted from the comments section:

Adam Carr Writes (in response to “Self Kongratulatory“:

Hahaha. You’re still such a fucking waste of what would otherwise be talent. Only you would be such an adorable little bitch about being nominated for an award, even if it is rightly for being a sad wank stain. 😉

Oh Adam, did I hurt your feelings?

Look little guy, I know it’s tough, being old and balding and still making less than pretty much everyone you went to school with, but buck up, at least you have the K-blog awards!

It must be frustrating that I bang these little vents off in my scant spare time while you invest so, so much time and energy into pretending to be a “writer” and promoting your worthless blog.

You’ll never make money with your “writing”, and any life improvement you perceive it makes it strictly self-delusion. It’s sad. Sad you think you have any relevance.

But you don’t. Not at all.

What happens when you turn 50, and you’re still stuck here making next to minimum wage with progressively fewer employment opportunities? Thailand? Myanmar? Traditional Klown suicide?

I’d say marry a Klown girl with money, but one of them wouldn’t touch you with a full Ebola – grade bio hazard suit on.

Maybe you could blog about the future of loser esl teachers who struggle to find meaning by imagining themselves Internet famous via blogs while edging ever closer to perpetual unemployability in your next post. Title it “My Sad, Sad Future”

His Reponse (because little fucking Napoleon-complex sufferers like Klowns never know when to fucking stop):

I’m not an ESL teacher, and I probably make a lot more than you.

Damn, that was disappointing. I was hoping for better. It appears as though there is a limit to your pointed vitriol.

Oh Adam, Adam, Adam.

Why do you have this obsession with embarrassing yourself?


You work at SK Hynix (a job you have had a scant 5 months and from which you’re already looking for an exit strategy) as an “in house language consultant” who “confabs with [ajosshi] for a living”. [Previously: Nara Education Academy, Lotte Language Academy, LFA Academy] You could call yourself “Royal Magistrate of Foreign Vocal Formations” and it still fucking means you’re a fucking ESL teacher. You teach English. Get the fuck over yourself.

Delusional fucking twats… oh yeah, and you’re an “adventurer” (presumably because you’ve ventured outside your home state to this fucking toilet bowl) and a “writer” (who has a readership of maybe a few dozen sunken-chested Western reject peers desperately clamoring, as you do, to finally find acceptance here in the land of low standards). You’re a joke. You and your meaningless degree in fucking philosophy (no wonder you’re such an arrogant, useless sack of befoulment).

And no, Adam, you don’t make more than me. I make quite comfortably on the plus side of 9 figures a year. You know how I do it? As an ESL teacher, Adam. Kids, executives, kimchi moms… hell, even housepets if they pay me. I’m an ESL teacher. I’m not suffering from self-delusions of grandeur like you are. I don’t feel the need to lie about my profession to escape embarrassment.

You know how else I make that much Adam? Because I don’t waste time being a fucking cheerleader like you do. All that time you spend trying to get Klowns to like you, writing about how great Klown is, being an impotent, limp-dicked apologist… all wasted. Klowns don’t like you. They don’t want to be your friend. You’re a novelty. An organ grinder monkey. You’re not a person, you’re a waegookin. A gojangii. That’s what Klown is. But just as you insist on deluding yourself about being an ESL teacher, a writer and a relevant human being, you also lie to yourself about the nature of Klown.

You refuse to live in reality. And when it comes crashing in on you, and you realize you’ve put all your chips on the losing hand, it’s going to be fucking devastating to you. Who knows if your psyche can take it?

So come on here and lie all you fucking want about your lot in life Adam. I know the truth, and try as you might to escape it with fantasyland dreams of your life having meaning, you’re going to know the truth too. Maybe someone will blog about it. “Scantily Remembered ESL-Teacher-Turned-Klown Nosedives Into Phlegm and Vomit Puddle in HBC


This article from the NYT from September 18th relates the tale of how Incheon hopes to become an international hub of commerce and tourism.  I know, I know… you are probably thinking what I was thinking, “I’m reading the Onion, right?” But no, it’s true, this is what the perpetually out of touch with reality Klowns actually envision.

Their avenue to such recognition – parading their stubborn refusal to go though the traditional “build a global city” avenues such as: foster positive international relations, provide high quality products, provide high quality service, giving respect, compromise in order to make foreign visitors feel comfortable, listening to what others want, developing world-class accommodation, serving palatable food, constructing buildings that don’t collapse and have basic first-world amenities, offering solid ROIs, being clean, asking appropriate questions, having scenery, actively learning about the outside world and being trustworthy with money – is the 2014 Asian Games.

The ultimate tradition and future legacy of Klown is the steadfast fucking refusal to learn from others’ mistakes, to ignore precedent both historic and contemporary because “we know best”, and then of course, when they discover that they do not know best, because they are inbred peasants in polyester suits, they engage in IP theft and patent infringement before congratulating themselves with some semi-retarded teenage whores and blended whiskey.

Refuse to Learn, Copy, Self-Congratulate.  It should be the national motto.

With the financial disaster of Athens and the shitshow that was Sochi, a logical person might assume that the organizers of international sporting events here in Klown, particularly with an eye to the 2018 Olympics that were earned fair and square by virtue of having offered the largest bribes and loudest whiny tantrums, would try and take care of the basics.  Of course Korea says to you, Mr. Logical, “Get the fuck out of here with that logic shit!  Haven’t you ever heard of ‘trial and error and error and error’?  What do you mean ‘next trial’?”

Koreans would much rather apologize that to plan.  They would rather hang their head in shame after the fact than to swallow their undeservedly bloated egos to concede that they might need outside advice.  They would rather mutter sorry than to avoid disaster.

My contention is that the Klown ekonomy, already being sustained by government intervention allowing a horrendous debt-to-income ratio to skyrocket towards kollapse once the ridiculous housing market switches (again, lessons that could have been learned in 2008 thought by Klowns ‘not to apply to us, the Chosun Ones’) is going to “go Greek” once the 2018 Games are done (if they make it that far).  Lessons that should have be learned from the late-90s IMF fiasco and international economic crises will remain unlearned.  Klowns seem to have this diseased, moronic fucking idea rattling around in their thick Mongoloid skulls that if they can just get (trick) tourists/potential investors to come to Korea, then proceed to forcibly shove their peasant fucking kulture in their faces, that these visitors will be so impressed, so blown away, so infatuated with Klown that foreign investment money will rain down from the skies and save the nation.  The poor little fucks don’t realize that their food, music, costume and mannerisms are at the butt of disdainful jokes by civilized humans that know about Klowns, and would just be considered garbage by the majority who couldn’t care less about Klown, should the screaming pride parade of Klown bullshit get their attention.

Poor delusional fucking Klowns.

Well, we Americans are probably to blame for that, having letting Klown suckle off the American monetary teat for so long, the Klowns now just assume that every developed nation is going to want to throw money at them (despite their disgustingly unethical treatment of others on the international stage at every level).  These Klown fucks, who should be shoveling shit out of the corners of styes and picking insect-flecked cabbages by hand rather than negotiating international contracts are just so used to getting bailed out, gifted what they need and forgiven their trespasses have been conditioned to assume the same will continue forever.  With Cold War priorities and Pappy America’s relative power base shifting, I imagine the next time the Klowns fuck everything up (and they will, obviously), the safety net might not be there.

At any rate, Klown will go “all in” on the Olympics with the expectation that there will be another bail out ready if they fail.  Of course, Klowns think themselves incapable of failure despite repeated proof to the contrary, so billions will be spent, billions more bribed and pocketed and “disappeared” and what will be the result?

I think we all know the answer to that.  I know I’ve previously mentioned my expectation that Pyeongchang will make Sochi look like the most professionally-managed event in human history.  But why don’t we have a look at the 2014 Asian Games, a giant, $2 billion squat toilet of fuck ups, for an indication?

I’m no fan of the Marmot’s Hole.  It’s a den of gyopo apologist self-fellating sycophants who front blind nationalistic loyalty despite having been raised abroad by money their parents couldn’t wait to emmigrate out of this shit-smear kuntry.  Commenters critical of Klown are routinely censored…. which is why when I saw this partial (games aren’t done for another week) list of kollosal fuck ups by the Klowns at the Asiad listed on Marmot’s, I was as shocked as I am when a Klown lines up properly or manages to properly use turn signals in traffic or washes his hands after taking a shit (let alone flushing).  There are more fuck ups daily, but the 26-item list compiled by a Marmot reader is as such:

A clusterfuck.

1.Stadiums getting blackouts
2. Athlete’s lunch boxes found with salmonella
3. Volunteers asking for athletes signatures and making them late to their events – because they got 1 hour of training 1 week before the Games started.
4. 20% of interpreters quitting (because they had to pay for their own transport to and from the Games),
5. Athletes’ rooms not having fans or A/C,
6. Athletes’ rooms crammed with three beds and cramming athletes in them because they don’t have enough rooms
7. No mosquito screens for the rooms, subpar quality food for the athletes – partially caused by the fact that the majority of the cooks are college kids majoring in food science
8. Beach volleyball site doesn’t have changing rooms
9. Badminton stadium has A/C with strong wind that got the complaints of all athletes including Korean ones
10. Thailand baseball team had to practice in the dark because the lights weren’t on
11. Archery field was so shitty the Korean Archery association used their own funds to have the field meet the standards (including a whole new display)
12. The shooting field lacked lockers and seats for the athletes (forcing them to sit on the stairs with their stuff)
13. Plumbing trouble leaks urine at various stadium
14. The weightlifting stadium lacked curtains or other covers for the changing room – everyone saw the athletes change.
15. The Sepak Takraw (check it out, btw. It’s pretty epic) stadium leaked rainwater mid-event and the event was delayed for 20 minutes
16. No one informed the teams that the official basketball brand changed.
17. Critical shortage of medical staff at the basketball games, forcing the team trainers and other athletes to play doctor.
18. Organizers didn’t tell a Chinese fencer (A bronze medalist) that the shuttle bus stations changed locations. A Korean journalist had to give him a ride on the taxi, and the Organizers chastised the fencer for not getting on the earlier shuttles afterwards.
19. Organizers converted the Disabled Parking spots to VIP parking spots that can be bough at a fee. Yeah.
20. The broadcasters are not covering the events well – even the ones that Koreans would be interested in watching like badminton. The Koreans had to watch the badminton final using a Chinese TV station online.
21. Organizers selling most of the tickets to popular events to Chaebols, who of course doesn’t use them = empty stadiums even in events that are popular (baseball, basketball, etc)
22. It’s nice that the organizers had the ticket pre-sale available online with multiple languages. Too bad you need either a Korean ID number or foreigner registration number to buy one. Oh, and a Korean credit card. (Nice one, guys. Learn that move from Naver/Daum?)
23. The official Incheon Asian Games website was down until September 24th.
24. A shuttle bus driver, because he thought it was too bothersome to go through the entire route, decided to just skip the Field Hockey site (귀찮으니까…). What the fuck.
25. Organizers (read: Incheon city government) are forcing all school field trips in the city to go to the events because they have trouble keeping the seats filled (caused by the previous mentioned reasons.
26. Shuttle bus in general are either in critical shortage or arbitrarily changing/cancelling service. Disturbing amount of journalists/athletes are relying on taxis… except that the taxi drivers have no idea what any of the venues/buildings are.

And, of course, when the journalists asked the Organizers about these clusterfucks, the Organizers got into a verbal altercations with the journalists. Then they tried to issue a gag order on any articles critical of the Games. Then they flatly denied issuing any gag orders… to the journalists that they personally gave gag orders to [Klassik].

A clusterfuck.

I personally couldn’t give less of a kimchi fuck about the Asian games.  I think it is safe to assume that the Klowns will cheat their way into an undeservedly high number of medals.  I think it is even safer to say that anyone fool enough to have spend money to travel to Korea and stay here as a tourist will never, ever be returning (there was a recent story on this but I cant find the link via Google since the rest of the world doesn’t give a shit about Klown).  The only reason I would watch Asiad highlights would be to watch the Klowns lose.  Few things give me greater joy than to watch Klowns lose at international sports – the melodramatic finger pointing and blame avoidance, and the occasional full-on toddler tantrum.


I was sent this gem from the Klown Times, which is an thoroughly entertaining plea for Klowns to deomonstrate some basic fucking level of fundamental human manners.  Of course Klowns are utterly incapable of modern homo sapiens sapiens manners, so this particular plea from a Korean who has been abroad and seen that the rest of the world isn’t devoid of all human decency and class falls of deaf ears. A portion of the story reads as follows:

At the kickoff of the Korea-Japan quarterfinal soccer match, few Korean fans bothered to stand up when the opposing team’s national anthem was played.

A plea was repeatedly made through the public announcement system for the fans to stand up when the anthems were played at Munhak Stadium….

It also marked a contrast to a group of Japanese fans remaining on their feet while the Korean national anthem was played after theirs was over….

The organizers appear to be partially to blame because some fans [the Korean ones] were ignorant [no fucking shit] of the “rule of respect. [what the fuck is ‘lee-suh-pay-ku-tuh?]”…

Making matters worse were some fans munching on snacks and shouting into their smartphones while the anthems were played.

Similar instances of ignorance were also observed during tennis matches.

On Friday, when the round of 16 men’s singles tennis competition was held at the Yeorumul Tennis Courts, some fans misbehaved.

Some went for snacks or tried to find their seats when the ball was in play.

Mobile phones constantly rang and strident cheering continued, forcing the umpire to ask for the spectators’ silence.

Oh you drooling, flailing, nose-mining social retards.  You embarrassments to the species. You Klowns.  Every time you let the international community see you for what you really are, they throw up in their mouths a little and turn away, repulsed to think that someone actually gave these fools money and opportunity.

The question isn’t whether Korea will fuck up the Olympics (and every other major international responsibility given), the question is why the rest of the world keeps extending any amount of trust or faith to the Klowns.  At least they haven’t killed a hundred tourists with a sunken ferry or derailed train or helicopter crash… but give them time. There is still a week left.

The Ten Kommandments


Eksodus 24:

It was a dark and stormy night…

Kosus ascended Mount Beakdu, shining beacon of the Lord (Do you know the Korea? Do you know the Jesus? Do you know the Korea has four seasons and that the Jesus was Korean? Lord the God was the father of the Jesus, so also God Korean too!)

And the Korean Lord said unto Kosus, “Stumble drunkenly and red-faced up the rubberized walkways leading up the mountain (well, a hill that we’ll call a mountain), and try to remain upright and conscious there: and I will give thee tablets of stone, and a bowl of rotted cabbage, and there might be a grandmother up there willing to give you a blowjob for a man won… oh yeah, and a law, and Kommandments which I have written; that thou mayest yell and screameth at them until the sheep doth memorize them exactly. 13 And Koses rose up, and his minister, some guy named Kim: and Koses went up into the mount where the ajumma picked weeds to boil into “stew”…

The hill-we’ll-call-mountain was covered in smog and yellow sand for six days – Kosus spent his time chain smoking, squatting on the ground like a lower primate and dribble-spitting… and on the seventh day, Kosus stumbled into the midst of the exhaust fumes and found an Anma parlor with attached soju and stewed tentacle shop where he didst stay for 40 days and 40 nights, developing cirrhosis of the liver.

When he didst emerge, Koses spake: “The Lord, Korean God, has delivered unto me these two tablets of stone, written with the tiny, lady-like fingers of Korean God. And on them was written some stuff about safety regulations and ethics suggestions that I didn’t bother reading and some other words, which the Lord, Korean God, scream-spake with you whilst throwing chairs and having a full-on tantrum of the midst of the national assembly.”

And it came to pass, after he had passed out in a bush, come to and gave himself a bath with a wet tissue, Koses came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the foreigners with the Korean women, and the dancing, and the love hotels that wouldst not see he lay with the short-skirted ones, and Koses’ anger waxed hot as the greasy gochu-pepper-sauce-fueled shart that didst sneak from betwixt his sagging buttocks and through to stain his striped boxers, and he cast the tablets out of his hands as he couldst not find a trash can, and brake them into shards beneath the slide at the playground.

And the Lord, Korean God, spake unto Koses, “Hew thee two tablets of stone exactly like unto those tablets invented by Apple: and I will write “Samsung Innovation” upon these tablets, yea and the words that were on the first tablets, which thou brakest, I shall write something kinda close to what was written upon them, and I’ll maketh it look official.”

And thus didst The Lord, Korean God, and Koses deliver unto the righteous, chosen People of the Han The Ten Kommandments, which the chosen Klowns of the Land of Soju and Kimchi wouldst follow.

  1. Klowns are the Lords of the Universe and must believe themselves faultless and above reproach.
  2. Thou shalt endeavor to treat each and every person upon the Lord, Korean God’s, Earth as disrespectfully and rudely as possible. Thou must strive to make clear that thou dost wish to shit before thou dost swallow in the Human Centipede.
  3. Thou shalt expectorate thy deepest, yellowest, most vile phlegm as loudly as thy are able upon every surface thou findst. Thine neighbors and thine neighbors’ children and pets and grandparents who didst suffer for thee shalt be subjected to thine diseased mucus rockets. On occasions honoring the Lord, Korean God, which include every evening after 4:00pm, thou shalt upgradeth thine pollution to the Lord’s vomit. To demonstrate true fealty to the Lord, Korean God, thou shalt defecate in public and fall asleep in it.
  4. Thou shalt regard contracts, agreements and promises of all kinds as the Lord’s humor upon man, wantonly disregarding the oaths thy dost swear to keep. Thou shalt regard all property as thine property regardless of ownership, particularly the property of the intellect of the infidels, those who doest not believe in the Lord, Korean God.
  5. Thou shalt imbibe of the foulest and most chemical moonshine knowest. Thou shalt declare said moonshine both “traditional” and “delicious”, partaking until said moonshine doth become the most heavily imbibed spirit upon the Lord, Korean God’s, Earth. Thou shalt also remain weak and with chest that doth sink until thine belly grows far beyond it.
  6. Thou shalt enter into marriage with both shallow motivation and with thy in clear intent to remain in misery for the remainder of thine days. Thou shalt seeketh a bride with alien features of plastic or a groom with accounts which mommeth and daddeth didst fill. Thou shalt enter into repeated infidelity with thine whores or thine personal trainer or thine child’s Engrishee teachers.
  7. Thou shalt partake in the process of locomotion with the intent to fucketh upeth the intended path of those who wishest to traverse the Lord, Korean God’s, planet. Thou shalt leave thine carts at awkward angles in the center of the Lord’s Costco aisles. Thou shalt blocketh rush hour traffic by stopping thine car in the center of the most critical lane. Thou shalt walk four or five abreast whenst possible on crowded public sidewalks and paths, moving slowly and obliviously to all other traffic. Thou shalt generally proveth that thou is incapable of polite and logical movement of any kind and by any means.
  8. Thou shalt screameth and shouteth and hollereth and carry on in the loudest and most ear-shattering way possible in the name of the Lord, Korean God, at all times but most especially when most unnecessary. Thou must drive thine neighbors and adjacent humans insane with thine whining, melodramatically-inflected, peasant’s vocal stylings to the point where they doth wishest to plucketh thine vocal cords out with their fingernails.
  9. Thou shalt make filthy and repugnant every surface and region of the Lord, Korean God’s Earth in which thou dost reside. Thou shalt honor Korean God with compost food and cartoonish churches and litter and boundary-less children and unwashed line one riding and public toilet desecration and negligent homicide and vehicular homicide and untreated mental illness and propaganda and gaudy churches and loudspeakers and fliers and brothels until the light of thy world doth die a thousand deaths and is thus extinguished leaving no hope or happiness.
  10. Thou shalt remain eternally unapologetic. Thou shalt blame the Japs or the Yanks or the Aborigine or the Chinese or thine critics. Thou shalt never aspire to advance socially or to acknowledge thine shortcomings.

And Koses didst deliver the Kommandments to the Klowns, who didst smack together their rotted gums and declare the Kommandments “traditional”. And the Klowns didst rejoice and sacrifice a family pet or three for “stew”, for they knewest that the Lord, Korean God, didst look upon them with favor and excuseth all behaviors normally suited for lower animals such as tapeworms and sewer rats. And there were many days of soju drinking and whoring and embezzlement and patent infringement and denial. And the thunder didst crash and the hope of humanity died.


Kommunity and Kollectivism


Here we have Seoul, central Seoul, immediately after the country and its people were liberated from an oppressive, decades-long Japanese colonization.  Around this time, Korea was one of the poorest nations on the planet, but near 70 years of non-stop foreign aid and handouts (in various forms) later, and South Korea is now one of the wealthiest nations on the planet!  Hooray!!  Obviously, clearly – I mean it’s a real nobrainer – the days of the kind of third-world conditions and slum-level housing are long, long gone, right?  No way people still live like they did in the picture above, right?




Vast swaths of the Korean population still live like the peasants did 70 years before.  Here we have a slum (one of many) located behind some train tracks…

* Note:  This picture may or may not have been mislabeled by several websites as being taken at Guyrong village in Korea while others identify it as Indian.  In the event that this is actually a picture of an Indian slum, I’m throwing in a few bonus pictures from Korean slums:

guryongslum slum6 slum5 slum4 slum3 slum2


… but this is a scene from right in the heart of the city.  Klowns build “luxury” (hahaha) apartment buildings along major roads, lining them with tall towers that hide the squalor behind.  Punch it up on Google Earth.  These pictures are how much of the population live.  It looks like a Manilla slum.  It looks like any other slum in any other 3rd-world, war-ravaged, economically-destroyed shithole.  It’s very fucking far from Gangnam Style.  These dilapidated shacks are often put together with scrap metal and plastic sheets.  Cinder blocks hold ropes in place that are basically load-bearing ropes keeping the roof up.  Crudely-spliced wires dangle within reach of children from walls and ceilings.  Floors are plastic stickers.  Walls are moldy plaster and quickly-poured cement spider-webbed with cracks.

It is an absolute fucking miracle that more buildings don’t collapse, though there are certainly enough of those already.


Between the shacks and along the tower-lined main roads one can enjoy some of the worst-paved sidewalks in existence.  Now this sidewalk is in a brand-new courtyard.  Work was completed here less than a year ago.  Remarkably the rest of the surface (you know, where there aren’t gaping holes that go un-repaired for over a month) is even enough to walk on, but in many places, the sidewalks look like there has been a 8.0+ earthquake recently.


If you are able to walk on the sidewalk without falling on your face due to a jutting brick, errant stone or sinkhole, try not to carry anything you might need to dispose of.  In true, first-world fashion, Klown does not have public trash cans on the streets.  Finding one is extremely rare – the four-leafed-Klover.   Generally Klowns just throw their food garbage and other trash in a loose pile.  The above picture features a large, communal-use bag.  No container mind you, just the bag.  The person who placed this bag is what you might call a “Kommunity Konscious Klown” – this is extent of a Klown’s capacity to extend respect to his or her community and environment… a trash bag left to overflow.


Now this bag was tied up.  That’s advanced for Klown.  Of course, the idea of an animal-and-accident-proof trash receptacle, like.. oh… I don’t know… a fucking garbage can?  Is far too advanced for this third-world hole.  If it isn’t mongrel (oft abandoned) dogs ripping the bags to shreds, it is the armies of street cats that litter Korea.  One good thing about the street cats is that they keep the rat population at bay, which would otherwise be at bubonic plague-era levels.

Nobody will clean this mess up.  It will be allowed to blow freely in the wind until it ends up in some infant’s stroller.


This is “hip” and “modern” Hongdae in Seoul.  This is the awesome modern utopia of Klown.  This is where tourists are told to go.  It looks like a ghetto… because it is a fucking ghetto in all but GDP.


This is the Broken Window theory taken to a whole new level.  These piles of disease-bearing, rotting food garbage are in front of the places where these people live and work.  This is what happens when living in squalor and filth move past “tolerable” and into the realm of “expected” and even “cultural”.  From the first picture to this, the mentality is the same, though the ability and means have changed.  This isn’t filth because there is no other way, this is filth by choice due to a long familiarity and now comfort level with filth.  Nation-wide.


GarbageBeachSmEven the public beaches aren’t safe.  Nor the parks.  Nor the playgrounds.


Because why put in the minimally-required effort to flatten some boxes when you can just carelessly toss them into the street in a giant pile, right?  I mean, sooner or later some desperate, destitute 80-something Korean with a cart will come, flatten and haul away your trash to make a buck or two a day, right?  In the meantime, fuck everyone else who isnt you.  Fuck them right to hell.

Isn’t Kollectivism great?


Wow!  The fabled public trash receptacle!  Amazing!  Something almost first-world!  Something almost civiliz… oh wait.

Klowns just can’t figure it out.  It’s so konfusing!  What are these squiggly lines painted on the side of this blue box?  What could they mean?  What is it for?  Well, might as well be a Klown sheep and follow the leader by putting my drink cup next to everyone else’s.  Why think for myself… no… why think at all when I can just blindly copy?


Why stop at trash?

Despite never being more than 100 meters away from a public washroom, Klowns insist on covering each and every street with vomit.  The closer to a school, it seems, the better.

Walk around a “trendy” Klown neighborhood on a Saturday or Sunday morning and play a fun game called “Count the Street Pizzas”.  I promise you will tire and grow disgusted with the game long before you have finished tallying up the splatters.

Sure, you COULD use a bathroom… I guess…

Klowns sure do love their bathrooms.  Love destroying them that is.

Klowns are ob-fucking-sessed with shit.  They have “trendy” bread shaped like a steaming turd pile.  No word of a fucking lie.  They have wine made of shit.  They have children’s books entirely centered around the act of expelling solid wastes.  They even have parks and statues dedicated to all things fecal.


Of course the Klown thinks he shits gold.


But seriously now.  What the fuckity fuck?


I guess you could call Klowns real “shitheads”


Maybe you’ll be “lucky” enough to find one of these sparkling public washrooms, where the stench of uncleansed, layered uric acid is so overwhelming that it literally gags you.  Welcome to Klown:  2018 Olympic Host!



Maybe you long for winter and the snowy white blanket that will at least temporarily mask the true nature of Klown… but that facade of cleanliness will only last a few hours before this happens.Image


This is the delight that greets me on the way home from the market.  This wall is maybe 200 meters long, was completed just a year or 2 ago, and it covered from end to end in this TB-riddled abstract artwork of phlegm.  And these are only the ones that were rocketed out with some velocity.  The ground is worse as most Koreans are only capable of dribble spitting, like a 6-month-old might do.Image


Maybe smoking is more your scene?


Oh, but Mr. K!  You must understand our unique and special situation!  Seoul is so very crowded!  If you head out to one of our “new cities” you’ll see the miracle of Korean planning and ingenuity!  You’ll see that we really are sparkling!


This is Songdo.  This is a “new city” that isn’t even finished yet.  Everything is brand fucking new.  It took less than a year to turn this ghost town into a garbage pile.


More of Songdo, right in the hart of what is supposed to be the visitor-friendly “downtown”.  This was a city billed as “international”.  Millions were spent trying to bribe first-world companies to set up offices here.  Money just isn’t enough for some people.Image

How about Dongtan new city?  This is right in the heart of the commerical district where businesses are being asked to pay obscene prices for shitty, hastily-built deathtrap buildings.Image

Here’s a “new town” area in Daejeon.  This place is something like 6 months old.  Most of the commercial spaces are vacant.  Gee, I wonder why?  But then again, self-reflection isn’t a skill Klowns possess.  I’m sure the locals here have found a way to blame the Americans or the Chinese for this.Image

The fucking trash can is RIGHT FUCKING THERE!  You fucking Klown fucks!

But the trash in garbage bags (or sprinkled liberally over any horizontal surface) isn’t the only filth on the streets of Klown.  All that street vomit and odd gold shit has to have a source.  How about the least appetizing food imaginable?


Oh yum! Tripe!  Seriously, I wouldn’t feed this last-ditch, need-for-basic-survival, desparation, trapped in a well peasant fare to a dog let alone a human.  This looks like something Bear Grylls would eat to demonstrate survival techniques. Image

Yum yum Klowns!  What beach-cave dwelling pre-human ancestors crammed into their pre-lingual maws thousands of years ago is your modern fare.  You know we’ve come a long way as a species and mastered things like “fire” and “cutting implements” and “plates”, right?  No?Image


Trash doesn’t always take conventional forms.  Here we see a car covered completely in prostitute advertisement cards, the same you can find on the road near any elementary school.  Klassy.

All that separates Seoul from Tiaquana is a donkey show, and of course Seoul’s far inferior quality of alcohol.Image

Some trash is just human trash.  Prozzies in most wealthy countries are chemically-dependent, mentally-ill or in hiding.  Whores here are just whores for the sake of it.  There is no desire, no motivation to do anything worthwhile with one’s life.  No sense that bettering oneself is important.  Just human trash.


Here are their customers, the worst kind of human trash – the ajosshi.

But of course it isn’t important to fix any of the above.  It isn’t necessary to acknowledge how fucking repulsive and backwards it is.  No.  What is important is making sure white devils don’t come near the women.  You know, the same white devils who saved Klown from the Japanese, again from their Nork “brothers” and has poured countless billions into the economy to artificially created the “Miracle on the Han”.

In the mind of a Klown, the enemy can never be the self.  This is why Klowns will always be Klowns


God forbid an evil foreigner was let into our cheap, shitty nightclubs and room salons!

Just think of the potential lost value to our property, I mean, our women!

Won’t somebody please think of the children?!


Yes.  Think of the children.

But that’s Klown for you.  And while, if you look hard enough, you’ll find dirt, decay and wretchedness in any city or country, Klown is different.  You don’t need to look at all.  Life in the pig farm foulness is the rule, not the exception.

But Klowns don’t care.  In the Human Centipede, there is no taking responsibility, growing a sack and taking care of business – there is only shit and swallow.  There is only accept and revisit abuse and pollution.  These are just a few examples of a much larger toilet bowl culture of social retardation and decay.

I think this statue in Modo Park sums it up with delightful Klowny artistic skill.


Shit and swallow, Klowns.  Shit and swallow.

GILF’s Generation

Korea. Infallible nation of wonder and caring. Promised land of modern humanity.

Korea. Sparkling.

Klowns are amazingly quick to point out others’ faults. The alacrity with which a Klown will comment on a personal flaw is astounding. There is no sense of shame or decency involved. You have grey hair? “Hey! You have grey hair!” You’re fat? “Hey! You’re fat!”

This is level of social skill exhibited by most preschoolers, still dumbfoundedly figuring out the ways of the world with a finger jammed two knuckles deep up one nostril and a bit of breakfast still smeared across the cheek. Aspergers-y, like much of Klown Kulture, though unlike Klowns, the preschooler grows out of that awkward, socially-inept stage around age 4 or 5 while the Klown remains at the same level of social development until death (generally via lung cancer, cirrhosis of the liver, traffic “accident” or the ever popular suicide). Klown Kulture is as delicate, intricate, nuanced and refined as a spastic rhinoceros playing Mozart on a baby grand piano… there’s a piano somewhere there, sure, but it’s all a pile of splinters, saliva and snapped wires. When your childhood is spent locked in a small room ticking off A, B, C or D for 15 hours a day solely to serve a standardized testing system that was developed centuries ago, your young adulthood is spent getting blackout drunk and either serving in the military or whoring yourself for a purse and your adulthood is spent in a perpetual state of hangover and company servitude or spousal loathing and shallow materialism… well that doesn’t really encourage personal development and self-actualization in the form of hobbies, friendships based on anything other than “date of manufacture” or social growth. In fact, the Klown system is set up deliberately to discourage such personal development as instances of just that upset the Human Centipede. So while human nature is to be critical and Klowns cannot be self-critical for fear of growth and development, the outlet must be to find fault with others.

Klowns are very fond of finding fault with other nationalities or ethnic groups. They do this without the ability to take any form of cultural criticism, and they do it without a whit of a care for whom their comments may offend. Of course, that makes it all the more ironic and hilarious when these fucking pieces of shit, these sacs of anal leakage, these only-useful-as-fertilizer fuckbag Klowns – kyopo or Korean – come here to attack me for criticizing Klown Kulture.  It’s “Evil Japan!” and “Dirty China!” and “Starving Africa!” and “Criminal African American Watermelon Eaters!” and “Dishonest Filipinos!” or whatever the fuck the attack is. Of course, deep down, their external criticisms are just subconsciously redirected self-criticisms. Dirty China? Have you looked out your window, Klown? There are festering piles of garbage 6 feet high that are rotting in the sun, leaking bacteria-laden juices all over the sidewalk, attracting maggots and cats, and stinking of death. Dishonest Filipinos? Look Klown, when you can learn even the most basic level of honor and ethics, come talk to me. Until then, I would most definitely trust a Filipino ten times more than a Klown to have my back. Evil Japan? Didn’t your Kulture just kill hundreds of people in the last month or two with sinking ferries and burning buildings?   Criminal African Americans? Isn’t your entire economic model built on patent infringement and IP theft? Well, it’s a waste of time to try and point this out to a Klown. As mentioned above, they utterly lack the capacity to self-reflect in this way. What most people learn as toddlers just wasn’t deemed important enough for the Klown Kultural model.

Coupled with the “everyone else is terrible” mantra is the “everything Korean is good” self-perpetuated brainwashing. It was with this century-out-of-date propaganda (literally 20s era – and think of how much the rest of the world has progressed socially over the same spread of time in comparisson to Klown) in the air that I taught some of my first classes in Korea years ago. These were classes for adults, usually in their mid-20s to mid-30s, and my job was to get them speaking. I tried to pick very general hot button topics that wouldn’t offend (for instance, I might talk about “who you want to marry” but not “how to get your girlfriend into a 3-way that involves anal sex”). One class centered around cultural differences, specifically the differences between American and Korean cultures. I posed the first open-ended questions…

Wow. I thought Americans were loudmouthed, nationalistic assholes. Us Yanks have absolutely nothing on these fucking Klowns. No contest – they win.

“Tee-chuh, Americans so selfish.”

(I have never in my life and travels encountered a social group so deeply narcissistic that self-absorption takes the form of abuse of others)

“Tee-chuh, Americans so fat.”

(Yep. Far too many Americans are fat. We also have a larger percentage of highly fit people, but an enormous demographic segment that is morbidly obese. Koreans are catching up though. As access to food changes, Koreans are proving themselves every bit as undisciplined and self-loathing as the WalMart crowd.)

“Tee-chuh, Americans so promiscuous.”

(You’re fucking kidding me, right? This kuntry has a million fucking whores! And that doesn’t count the tens of thousands of export whores around the world, nor does it take into account the young girls coerced into sex to further their career in entertainment)

“Tee-chuh, Koreansuh care for parent and family better, not like selfish American”

Oh rly?

Now at the time, new to the country and open-minded to possibilities (plus I was never much a nationalist back home), I entertained the thought that she might be right. After all, when our American relatives get too old to live alone, we send them off to a “Retirement Village”, and from stories I heard from so many Klowns, elderly and incontinent parents stay with their children until they pass away. From what I was told, the whole family bands together to financially support the elderly. It’s a regular love fest of altruism and Confucianism.

I’m also told by North Korean television that Kim Jong Il wrote hundreds of operas while juggling live grenades and riding a unicorn.

In 8 years, I have not actually met anyone who cares for an elderly relative unable to care for themselves. Not one. I have, however, met countless families where the elderly relative (who often not only keeps their own separate apartment but has paid for the child’s apartment as well) works in the child’s home like an unpaid domestic, raising (well, halfway supervising while watching the world’s worst TV programs while the kids are between hagwons and homework) grandchildren, cooking and cleaning. I haven’t actually met anyone who financially supports their parents outside of paying for a room in an old-age home or hospice. I have met many Koreans who give a small envelope of cash (I would say to alleviate guilt but I know they feel none) to the family matriarchs (usually the patriarchs have long since drunk and smoked themselves to death) on Korean “high holidays”. I’ve never, ever met any Korean who argued in favor of higher taxes to enable better care of the retired (you know, the generation who broke their backs as brainwashed slave laborers so that modern Klowns could have 3D television).

What I understand is that this familial piety and caring for one’s elders is paid lip service and nothing more. It was something practiced in past generations out of necessity, but abandoned immediately as inconvenient once other options came along. The way a Klown’s relationship with his or her parents is handled these days goes something like this:

1)   Birth to kindy is a free-for-all where there are no boundaries, no rules and only irregular and extreme consequences. Often this stage is handed off to the exhausted and jaded grandparents who are just as incapable of properly educating the little Klownlets as the generation before them was.

2)   School age is mothers and fathers finding every way possible not to have to do actual parenting. Kids are sent to academies and camps and handed off to grandparents. During this time, the middle generation earns but the retired older generation still aren’t dependents.

3)   Graduation comes after 12 years of stress (if the kid doesn’t jump off a bridge) and university is paid for by mom and dad (or grandparents as is often the case as junior Kim’s tuition was spend on designer handbags and an imported car)

4)   The kid drinks and fucks around for 4 years at a worthless university that, despite its only-in-Klown prestigee, can’t throw enough money at high level academics to make them stay in such a mockery of “higher learning”. The grandparents have now borrowed as much as they possibly can against their home, mom and dad are deeply in debt as well.

5)   Kid lives at home, leeching off the parents (who have been leeching off the grandparents and their collateral) until his or her 30s at which point they announce they are getting married to some equally, perpetually dependent Klown with no self-reliance skill whatsoever. Mom, dad and grandparents from both sides come together to pay for a home and to furnish it.

6)   The newlyweds work and spend money on BMWs and handbags until they have kids out of a sense of duty and in the face of the fact that they have no business being parents and should be sterilized. Grandma and grandpa pass away in the meantime leaving a minimal estate as their assets were all long ago leveraged for debt that was serviced for years at bare minimum payments.

7)   The next generation grandma is brought in to be the domestic, credit lines are drawn and the whole cycle starts again.

Klowns don’t have any special respect or desire to care for their elders. They like to talk shit about it, but they don’t like to walk the walk (hard to walk that far in designer heels).

Those hunchbacked 80 year olds hauling carts of cardboard for a buck per 50 kilos – don’t they have kids? But not every grandmother can haul cardboard, so what’s a grandma with thankless kunt offspring to do to make ends meet once her kids have drained her of every last asset except her physical body? Why, sell it of course!

Do you know the Korea? Do you know the Korea culture? Do you know the Korea has four seasons and very old, beautiful culture?

One of the most dominant and prevalent aspects of Klown kulture that is on full display is the selling of women’s bodies in every possible way imaginable. Prostitution is FAR more representative of Korean kulture than caring for the elderly is, most especially in modern Klown. Hell, prostitution is more a Korean kultural treasure than kimchi. There was some anger over the burning of the Namdaemun “Cultural Treasure Number One”, but that was nothing compared to the full on riotous anarchy that would ensue if prostitution were ever to be actually ended. Being that Korean culture is so old and that prostitution is such a major part of the kulture, it only makes sense to combine the two to solve the other kultural problem of forgotten elderly relatives…

This enlightening article comes from the BBC, delivering a delightful, long overdue and well-needed slap to the face of Klown culture (not that any Klown will learn anything from this other than “BBC bad, England bad, white bad!” due to the problem detailed above).   I’m going to copy-paste the text here as the article is just that damned entertaining.


Koreans could once be sure that their children would look after them in their old age, but no longer – many of those who worked hard to transform the country’s economy find the next generation has other spending priorities. As a result, some elderly women are turning to prostitution.


Kim Eun-ja sits on the steps at Seoul’s Jongno-3 subway station, scanning the scene in front of her. The 71-year-old’s bright lipstick and shiny red coat stand out against her papery skin.


Beside her is a large bag, from which comes the clink of glass bottles as she shifts on the cold concrete.

Mrs Kim is one of South Korea’s “Bacchus Ladies” – older women who make a living by selling tiny bottles of the popular Bacchus energy drink to male customers.


But often that’s not all they’re selling. At an age when Korean grandmothers are supposed to be venerated as matriarchs, some are selling sex.


“You see those Bacchus Ladies standing over there?” she asks me. “Those ladies sell more than Bacchus. They sometimes go out with the grandpas and earn money from them. But I don’t make a living like that.

“Men do proposition me when I’m standing in the alleyway,” she adds. “But I always say, ‘No.'”

Mrs Kim says she makes about 5,000 Won ($5, or £3) a day selling the drinks. “Drink up fast,” she says. “The police are always watching me. They don’t differentiate.”


The centre of this underground sex trade is a nearby park in the heart of Seoul. Jongmyo Park is a place where elderly men come to while away their sunset years with a little chess and some local gossip.

It’s built around a temple to Confucius, whose ideas on venerating elders have shaped Korean culture for centuries. But under the budding trees outside, the fumbling transactions of its elderly men and women tell the real story of Korean society in the 21st Century.


Women in their 50s, 60, even their 70s, stand around the edges of the park, offering drinks to the men. Buy one, and it’s the first step in a lonely journey that ends in a cheap motel nearby.


The men in the park are more willing to talk to me than the women.


Standing around a game of Korean chess, a group of grandfathers watch the match intently. About half the men here use the Bacchus Ladies, they say.


“We’re men, so we’re curious about women,” says 60-year-old Mr Kim.


“We have a drink, and slip a bit of money into their hands, and things happen!” he cackles. “Men like to have women around – whether they’re old or not, sexually active or not. That’s just male psychology.”

Another man, 81 years old, excitedly showed me his spending money for the day. “It’s for drinking with my friends,” he said. “We can find girlfriends here, too – from those women standing over there. They’ll ask us to play with them. They say, ‘Oh, I don’t have any money,’ and then they glue on to us. Sex with them costs 20,000 to 30,000 Won (£11-17), but sometimes they’ll give you a discount if they know you.”


South Korea’s grandparents are victims of their country’s economic success.


As they worked to create Korea’s economic miracle, they invested their savings in the next generation. In a Confucian society, successful children are the best form of pension (Haha).


But attitudes here have changed just as fast as living standards, and now many young people say they can’t afford to support themselves and their parents in Korea’s fast-paced, highly competitive society.


The government, caught out by this rapid change, is scrambling to provide a welfare system that works. In the meantime, the men and women in Jongmyo Park have no savings, no realistic pension, and no family to rely on. They’ve become invisible – foreigners in their own land.


“Those who rely on their children are stupid,” says Mr Kim. “Our generation was submissive to our parents. We respected them. The current generation is more educated and experienced, so they don’t listen to us.


“I’m 60 years old and I don’t have any money. I can’t trust my children to help. They’re in deep trouble because they have to start preparing for their old age. Almost all of the old folks here are in the same situation.”


Most Bacchus women have only started selling sex later in life, as a result of this new kind of old-age poverty, according to Dr Lee Ho-Sun, who is perhaps the only researcher to have studied them in detail.

One woman she interviewed first turned to prostitution at the age of 68. About 400 women work in the park, she says, all of whom will have been taught as children that respect and honour were worth more than anything.


“One Bacchus woman said to me ‘I’m hungry, I don’t need respect, I don’t need honour, I just want three meals a day,” Lee says.


Police, who routinely patrol the area but are rarely able to make an arrest, privately say this problem will never be solved by crackdowns, that senior citizens need an outlet for stress and sexual desire, and that policy needs to change.


But law-enforcement isn’t the only problem.


Inside those bags the Bacchus Ladies carry is the source of a hidden epidemic: a special injection supposed to help older men achieve erections – delivered directly into the vein. Dr Lee confirms that the needles aren’t disposed of afterwards, but used again – 10 or 20 times.


The results, she says, can be seen in one local survey, which found that almost 40% of the men tested had a sexually transmitted disease¬ despite the fact that some of the most common diseases weren’t included in the test. With most sex education classes aimed at teenagers, this has the makings of a real problem. Some local governments have now begun offering sex education clinics especially for seniors.


Hidden in a dingy warren of alleyways in central Seoul, is the place where these lonely journeys end – the narrow corridors of a “love motel” and one of the grey rooms which open off them.


Inside, a large bed takes up most of the space, its thin mattress and single pillow hardly inviting a long night’s sleep. On the bed-head is a sticker: for room service press zero; for pornography press three; and if you want the electric blanket, you’ll find the wire on the far side of the bed.


So here you have food, sex, and even a little warmth all at the touch of a button. If only it were that simple outside the motel room, in South Korea’s rich, hi-tech society.


But for the grandparents who built its fearsome economy, food is expensive, sex is cheap, and human warmth rarely available at any price.

So that’s 400 elderly women, in just the one park, selling injections with used hypos into the flaccid, undersized kocks of Klown ajosshi scum (that’s one odd style of foreplay… but seriously, what the fuck?) so the ajosshi can get their 3.8 inch stiffy into some sandpaper-lined, wrinkled granny cooch for the price of a pizza. It’s like the behavior of the most extremely desperate crack and meth addicts… but this is a park in the middle of downtown Seoul… and it’s non-drug-addicted grandmothers who need money for basic necessities and have been totally abandoned by their children.

But that’s my beef with Klown. Be what you say, or at least some reasonable facsimile. Klown is the exact fucking opposite of everything it advertises itself to be, and the more visitors say, “Hey! This wasn’t in the brochure!” the louder the Klowns scream about how everyone else is evil.

So tell me again about your beautiful four-seasoned culture, Klown. Put it up on a Time’s Square billboard please.

I’m enthralled. I’m fascinated. I’d love to hear all about it after I get this dick injection…


GILFs Generation

Man’s Best Friend

It has been written how poor man is amongst the animals, how pitiable, as man has but two, and only two friends in the world – the horse and the dog.

Of those, it is the dog that has been called, “Man’s Best Friend”, a companion, a guard, an animal domesticated 13,000 years ago to be our amigo, sometimes even a savior.

In Korea, dogs go by a different name adherent to the lovely traditional culture: “lunch”.

Curse us Western Imperialists! Curse us for trying to dictate what forms of meat are and aren’t acceptable to eat! Do we not slaughter pigs, who are “every bit as intelligent as dogs”? How dare we try and rob from Korea its virtuous and unspoiled traditional culture!

Dog meat, prepared usually as a stew of sorts in Korea, has long been the target of animal rights activists from the West. I can see why. Klowns don’t. It isn’t about the meat per se, it is about the preparation. The dogs are kept in conditions a calf being prepared for veal would be envious of. But that’s the best part. Then there is the torture.   Videos here, here, here and here.

You see, dogs are not ajosshi. They are far, far down the Human Centipede chain. And as detailed in that post, there is nothing Klowns love more than abusing others. Klown Katnip. So when the opportunity comes to torture a defenseless animal, well they make sure to do it right. Dogs are strung up from trees by their ankles, beaten repeatedly (I’ve heard 100 non-lethal strikes is the best), burned alive, raped anally with a sandpaper-covered crowbar, made to watch doggy snuff films, given the old bamboo under the fingernails and – in the most extreme cases – forced to listen to K-pop. Okay, well only the first few are confirmed, but I’m sure there are a few “bonus” tortures thrown in. In the civilized world, people understand that animals eat other animals as part of this crazy “food chain” thing, and that the slaughter of animals used for food needn’t be some drawn out, sick snuff porn of butchering. Rather, animals are killed quickly – necks snapped, decapitation, throat slit, bolt gun to the brain – then processed to be used as food. I can’t think of a contemporary western example of how any animal is aggressively tortured for an extended amount of time like Klowns torture dogs, for use as meat or otherwise.

Why? Well the more fear the dog feels, the more adrenaline it produces, which Klowns believe will alter the texture and taste of the meat in some meaningful way that excuses the … oh who are we kidding, these Klowns LOVE, just fucking love, torturing the poor fucking mutts.

Let’s not forget the “traditional” aspect of dog meat, which is to say that back when Korea was a dirt poor country of peasant farmers wallowing in their own stink and filth, spitting and slopping about, drinking the most vile of moonshines and having sex with teenagers… as opposed to today when Korea is a wealthy country of peasant farmers wallowing in their own stink and filth, spitting and slopping about, drinking the most vile of moonshines and having sex with teenagers… there wasn’t a whole lot of meat around. Much like today, meals consisted of compost. This is why SPAM is popular here, as an actual gift, because when the GIs came in to save Korea from… Korea… it was the only meat going. Klowns saying dog meat is “traditional” is like saying slavery is traditional. Sure, it was done, but the reasons for it weren’t pretty. Klowns can try and talk up dog meat and being somehow good for one’s health, which this site (predictably) has a big problem believing, or that it improves virility and sexual stamina. The latter is disproved daily by the hordes of disgusting, 3.8-incher ajosshi scum who roll their pasty, sweaty, bloated bodies off whores they started slobbering all over a mere 90 seconds earlier (no wonder whores here hate serving foreigners… with an ajosshi they’re done in a few minutes, free to spend the next 57 playing with their ‘handphones’, but with a foreigner they have to work for that whole hour). At any rate, it is born out of extreme poverty and desperation to kill for meat the animal you rely on for so many other aspects of life, especially as a farmer… continued, I’m guessing, because they just loved to torment the animals under the handy Klown excuse of “please understand my Kulture”.

Despite being traditional and wondrous and healthy and all things neat and nifty, Klowns have been backing away from dog meat when the practice starts to damage their “image” (hey Klown, your image abroad is shit… don’t worry about damaging something so utterly fucked and ruined). They did so during the ’88 Olympics (but proceeded to barbeque doves on live TV), and they’re doing it again now.

“There is no practice of eating dogs in Korea” is the money shot quote. Other articles have the issue downplayed in other ways, trying to say that it is an all-but-dead tradition in Korea, practiced only in the deep countryside blah blah blah. Below is a picture a friend shot on a trip last weekend to Ansan, hardly what one would call “the countryside”. Not content with torture before and during slaughter, the head must be mounted beside the carcass as if it were on a pike. That is fitting. Please take this image to symbolize Klown – socially medieval.


Once the issue has made the media rounds a bit, everything will go back to business as usual. Ferries will continue to operate without any meaningful safety oversight, old men will continue to burn shit to the ground when they throw man-child tantrums (Korean male Klowns are basically perpetually regressed children), work crews will continue to follow absolutely no safety protocols, medicine will be unsafely distributed, and dog meat will be just as unsanitary and sociopathic as ever. And the Koreans who aren’t Klowns, who are generally of the younger and better-traveled variety, either won’t ever question these “traditions”, or will be shouted down by their ajosshi Klown overlords; either way they’ll be bowing their heads and backing out the doorway.

But I propose something radical, something different – I say we parade dog meat eating, in all its glory, as loudly and proudly as possible, especially during the Olympics.

Come on Klowns! You want to be proud of your unique, special, 5,000-year-old culture, right? I mean, that’s what all the Times Square billboards and NYT ads and belligerence is about, right? Don’t hide it! Show the world! Have displays for tourists where toothless ajummas are beating yelping dogs half to death. Hell, why not skin them alive, China-style, to show your worldliness? Maybe a booth for visitors (assuming anyone would be stupid enough to pay to come here) where they can press the button that turns on the blow torch! Wheeee! Watch them squirm and squeal! It’s traditional! Have you heard about the Korea? Do you know the kimchi? You parade that shit, Klowns. You own it girlfriend! Let’s advocate the Klowns letting the world know how completely unapologetic they are for refusing to change social practices popularized in the 12th century. In fact, let’s take the face of our little friend up above and put that on the Korean flag… that way the true message of Klown will come across loud and clear, and people like the hordes of ESL teachers that come in year after year won’t feel lied to and scammed when the reality of Klown hits them…

The Proud Republic of Klown: Fuck you. We’re wallowing in thousand-year-old excrement and loving it.”