Klusterfuck

This article from the NYT from September 18th relates the tale of how Incheon hopes to become an international hub of commerce and tourism.  I know, I know… you are probably thinking what I was thinking, “I’m reading the Onion, right?” But no, it’s true, this is what the perpetually out of touch with reality Klowns actually envision.

Their avenue to such recognition – parading their stubborn refusal to go though the traditional “build a global city” avenues such as: foster positive international relations, provide high quality products, provide high quality service, giving respect, compromise in order to make foreign visitors feel comfortable, listening to what others want, developing world-class accommodation, serving palatable food, constructing buildings that don’t collapse and have basic first-world amenities, offering solid ROIs, being clean, asking appropriate questions, having scenery, actively learning about the outside world and being trustworthy with money – is the 2014 Asian Games.

The ultimate tradition and future legacy of Klown is the steadfast fucking refusal to learn from others’ mistakes, to ignore precedent both historic and contemporary because “we know best”, and then of course, when they discover that they do not know best, because they are inbred peasants in polyester suits, they engage in IP theft and patent infringement before congratulating themselves with some semi-retarded teenage whores and blended whiskey.

Refuse to Learn, Copy, Self-Congratulate.  It should be the national motto.

With the financial disaster of Athens and the shitshow that was Sochi, a logical person might assume that the organizers of international sporting events here in Klown, particularly with an eye to the 2018 Olympics that were earned fair and square by virtue of having offered the largest bribes and loudest whiny tantrums, would try and take care of the basics.  Of course Korea says to you, Mr. Logical, “Get the fuck out of here with that logic shit!  Haven’t you ever heard of ‘trial and error and error and error’?  What do you mean ‘next trial’?”

Koreans would much rather apologize that to plan.  They would rather hang their head in shame after the fact than to swallow their undeservedly bloated egos to concede that they might need outside advice.  They would rather mutter sorry than to avoid disaster.

My contention is that the Klown ekonomy, already being sustained by government intervention allowing a horrendous debt-to-income ratio to skyrocket towards kollapse once the ridiculous housing market switches (again, lessons that could have been learned in 2008 thought by Klowns ‘not to apply to us, the Chosun Ones’) is going to “go Greek” once the 2018 Games are done (if they make it that far).  Lessons that should have be learned from the late-90s IMF fiasco and international economic crises will remain unlearned.  Klowns seem to have this diseased, moronic fucking idea rattling around in their thick Mongoloid skulls that if they can just get (trick) tourists/potential investors to come to Korea, then proceed to forcibly shove their peasant fucking kulture in their faces, that these visitors will be so impressed, so blown away, so infatuated with Klown that foreign investment money will rain down from the skies and save the nation.  The poor little fucks don’t realize that their food, music, costume and mannerisms are at the butt of disdainful jokes by civilized humans that know about Klowns, and would just be considered garbage by the majority who couldn’t care less about Klown, should the screaming pride parade of Klown bullshit get their attention.

Poor delusional fucking Klowns.

Well, we Americans are probably to blame for that, having letting Klown suckle off the American monetary teat for so long, the Klowns now just assume that every developed nation is going to want to throw money at them (despite their disgustingly unethical treatment of others on the international stage at every level).  These Klown fucks, who should be shoveling shit out of the corners of styes and picking insect-flecked cabbages by hand rather than negotiating international contracts are just so used to getting bailed out, gifted what they need and forgiven their trespasses have been conditioned to assume the same will continue forever.  With Cold War priorities and Pappy America’s relative power base shifting, I imagine the next time the Klowns fuck everything up (and they will, obviously), the safety net might not be there.

At any rate, Klown will go “all in” on the Olympics with the expectation that there will be another bail out ready if they fail.  Of course, Klowns think themselves incapable of failure despite repeated proof to the contrary, so billions will be spent, billions more bribed and pocketed and “disappeared” and what will be the result?

I think we all know the answer to that.  I know I’ve previously mentioned my expectation that Pyeongchang will make Sochi look like the most professionally-managed event in human history.  But why don’t we have a look at the 2014 Asian Games, a giant, $2 billion squat toilet of fuck ups, for an indication?

I’m no fan of the Marmot’s Hole.  It’s a den of gyopo apologist self-fellating sycophants who front blind nationalistic loyalty despite having been raised abroad by money their parents couldn’t wait to emmigrate out of this shit-smear kuntry.  Commenters critical of Klown are routinely censored…. which is why when I saw this partial (games aren’t done for another week) list of kollosal fuck ups by the Klowns at the Asiad listed on Marmot’s, I was as shocked as I am when a Klown lines up properly or manages to properly use turn signals in traffic or washes his hands after taking a shit (let alone flushing).  There are more fuck ups daily, but the 26-item list compiled by a Marmot reader is as such:

A clusterfuck.

1.Stadiums getting blackouts
2. Athlete’s lunch boxes found with salmonella
3. Volunteers asking for athletes signatures and making them late to their events – because they got 1 hour of training 1 week before the Games started.
4. 20% of interpreters quitting (because they had to pay for their own transport to and from the Games),
5. Athletes’ rooms not having fans or A/C,
6. Athletes’ rooms crammed with three beds and cramming athletes in them because they don’t have enough rooms
7. No mosquito screens for the rooms, subpar quality food for the athletes – partially caused by the fact that the majority of the cooks are college kids majoring in food science
8. Beach volleyball site doesn’t have changing rooms
9. Badminton stadium has A/C with strong wind that got the complaints of all athletes including Korean ones
10. Thailand baseball team had to practice in the dark because the lights weren’t on
11. Archery field was so shitty the Korean Archery association used their own funds to have the field meet the standards (including a whole new display)
12. The shooting field lacked lockers and seats for the athletes (forcing them to sit on the stairs with their stuff)
13. Plumbing trouble leaks urine at various stadium
14. The weightlifting stadium lacked curtains or other covers for the changing room – everyone saw the athletes change.
15. The Sepak Takraw (check it out, btw. It’s pretty epic) stadium leaked rainwater mid-event and the event was delayed for 20 minutes
16. No one informed the teams that the official basketball brand changed.
17. Critical shortage of medical staff at the basketball games, forcing the team trainers and other athletes to play doctor.
18. Organizers didn’t tell a Chinese fencer (A bronze medalist) that the shuttle bus stations changed locations. A Korean journalist had to give him a ride on the taxi, and the Organizers chastised the fencer for not getting on the earlier shuttles afterwards.
19. Organizers converted the Disabled Parking spots to VIP parking spots that can be bough at a fee. Yeah.
20. The broadcasters are not covering the events well – even the ones that Koreans would be interested in watching like badminton. The Koreans had to watch the badminton final using a Chinese TV station online.
21. Organizers selling most of the tickets to popular events to Chaebols, who of course doesn’t use them = empty stadiums even in events that are popular (baseball, basketball, etc)
22. It’s nice that the organizers had the ticket pre-sale available online with multiple languages. Too bad you need either a Korean ID number or foreigner registration number to buy one. Oh, and a Korean credit card. (Nice one, guys. Learn that move from Naver/Daum?)
23. The official Incheon Asian Games website was down until September 24th.
24. A shuttle bus driver, because he thought it was too bothersome to go through the entire route, decided to just skip the Field Hockey site (귀찮으니까…). What the fuck.
25. Organizers (read: Incheon city government) are forcing all school field trips in the city to go to the events because they have trouble keeping the seats filled (caused by the previous mentioned reasons.
26. Shuttle bus in general are either in critical shortage or arbitrarily changing/cancelling service. Disturbing amount of journalists/athletes are relying on taxis… except that the taxi drivers have no idea what any of the venues/buildings are.

And, of course, when the journalists asked the Organizers about these clusterfucks, the Organizers got into a verbal altercations with the journalists. Then they tried to issue a gag order on any articles critical of the Games. Then they flatly denied issuing any gag orders… to the journalists that they personally gave gag orders to [Klassik].

A clusterfuck.

I personally couldn’t give less of a kimchi fuck about the Asian games.  I think it is safe to assume that the Klowns will cheat their way into an undeservedly high number of medals.  I think it is even safer to say that anyone fool enough to have spend money to travel to Korea and stay here as a tourist will never, ever be returning (there was a recent story on this but I cant find the link via Google since the rest of the world doesn’t give a shit about Klown).  The only reason I would watch Asiad highlights would be to watch the Klowns lose.  Few things give me greater joy than to watch Klowns lose at international sports – the melodramatic finger pointing and blame avoidance, and the occasional full-on toddler tantrum.

(edit)

I was sent this gem from the Klown Times, which is an thoroughly entertaining plea for Klowns to deomonstrate some basic fucking level of fundamental human manners.  Of course Klowns are utterly incapable of modern homo sapiens sapiens manners, so this particular plea from a Korean who has been abroad and seen that the rest of the world isn’t devoid of all human decency and class falls of deaf ears. A portion of the story reads as follows:

At the kickoff of the Korea-Japan quarterfinal soccer match, few Korean fans bothered to stand up when the opposing team’s national anthem was played.

A plea was repeatedly made through the public announcement system for the fans to stand up when the anthems were played at Munhak Stadium….

It also marked a contrast to a group of Japanese fans remaining on their feet while the Korean national anthem was played after theirs was over….

The organizers appear to be partially to blame because some fans [the Korean ones] were ignorant [no fucking shit] of the “rule of respect. [what the fuck is ‘lee-suh-pay-ku-tuh?]”…

Making matters worse were some fans munching on snacks and shouting into their smartphones while the anthems were played.

Similar instances of ignorance were also observed during tennis matches.

On Friday, when the round of 16 men’s singles tennis competition was held at the Yeorumul Tennis Courts, some fans misbehaved.

Some went for snacks or tried to find their seats when the ball was in play.

Mobile phones constantly rang and strident cheering continued, forcing the umpire to ask for the spectators’ silence.

Oh you drooling, flailing, nose-mining social retards.  You embarrassments to the species. You Klowns.  Every time you let the international community see you for what you really are, they throw up in their mouths a little and turn away, repulsed to think that someone actually gave these fools money and opportunity.

The question isn’t whether Korea will fuck up the Olympics (and every other major international responsibility given), the question is why the rest of the world keeps extending any amount of trust or faith to the Klowns.  At least they haven’t killed a hundred tourists with a sunken ferry or derailed train or helicopter crash… but give them time. There is still a week left.

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Celebration Time!

Klown has several national holidays each year, but only two that could be considered “high holidays” if you will – Chew-sock (basically a re-branding of China’s Moon Festival, but Klowns explain it as “Korean Thanksgiving” – it isn’t) and Soul-nal (Chinese New Year/Lunar New Year).  (Note:  I know how to Romanize these words properly, I just choose not to, fuck you very much)

Now these holidays are not original, not Korean in origin, but the Klowns have put their own, unique, Klowny spin on them.  Depending on when the actually holiday is located in the week, you may get 4 or 5 days off, including the weekend.  Forget having a couple of weeks to travel to countries with breathable air.  Forget spending a week with your loved ones.  If you want to celebrate Klown holidays in Klown traditional style, just follow these basic steps:

1) Work up until the last second

You don’t need to actually be doing any work since companies in Klown are among the least efficient in the entire world on a scale of man hours vs productivity, but you need to be physically present.  You see, life at a Klown kompany is kind of like a Mexican Standoff from an old Sergio Leone spaghetti western.  The team leader sits in his office, glancing at the plebs.  The plebs glance back.  Each does nothing to further the interests of the company – mostly they are playing smartphone games, surfing the net or messaging girlfriends – but neither wants to be the first to leave.  When one leaves work, regardless of how much work one is actually doing, is the Klown measure of how loyal (and thus valuable) an employee is.  The more one is willing to sacrifice – sacrifice their time with family, exercise, healthy eating, sleep, basically all the things that allow people to live healthy and full lives – the “better” an employee one is.  Now I know what you’re saying… “That makes no sense!  That’s in violation of basic common sense!”.  Friend, when it comes to Klown, forget “common sense”.  Instead, think about “Kommon sense” or perhaps “Logik”.  I imagine if you are suicidally depressed, suffering from malnutrition, at work with the flu, separated from your wife, estranged from your children, sleep deprived and well on your way to developing both lung cancer and cirrhosis of the liver, then you are employee of the fucking month.  If it just so happens that a holiday is upcoming, then Klown workers are given a special opportunity to show their commitment to the Kompany by staying late, rubbing their sandpaper-dry and reddened eyeballs, contemplating the ever-popular nosedive off the Kompany roof.

2) Make sure your wife hates you (For wives:  Make sure your husband knows how much you hate him)

In Klown, women are basically property.  Only recently have laws started to change with respect to this, kind of like how racial equality in the States started when Lincoln freed the slaves.  When a woman gets married, she basically belongs to the husband’s family.  Kind of like a piece of land, or a car, or a dog.  The rich holiday traditions of Klown include the women of a family cooking a huge meal of over-stewed beef, fish used in other parts of the world as bait and various roadside weeds for the men.  The men sit around coughing, spitting, smoking, watching TV, shout-talking at each other, drinking soju and saying “She-bal” (fuck) a lot.  The men eat first (or course) and whatever is left goes to the women. This is combined with another fine Klown tradition – abusing the son’s wife.  A Korean mother in law is almost kulturally required to treat her daughters-in-law in a manner much like the treatment of African-American slave women several generations ago.  The wife is required to work in the kitchen, stewing up the aforementioned weeds and bait fish, while the mother-in-law barks orders at her, reminds her of how inadequate she is and criticizing everything she does.  It’s a real Klown love fest because, as we all know, in Klown Kulture, family is the most important thing, right?  On top of all this, the wife is still expected to monitor the behavior of her kids (who are we kidding?  Klown kids have no boundaries taught them) as the husband is busy doing the whole smoking/spitting/hawking phlegm/swearing thing.  The wife will wait until the whole family is in the car before launching into a 3 hour diatribe on how much she hates the husband’s family and the holidays in general.  She might express her desire to jump off a bridge.  She will silently plan her revenge in the form of domestic abuse or infidelity.  Yay!  Klown holidays are fun for the whole family!

3) Demonstrate filial piety in traffic

Klown is a tiny (some might say insignificant) kuntry.  From its northernmost town to its southernmost is maybe 300-400 km as the crow flies.  Highway speed limits are typically 100km/hr so, theoretically, one should be able to get from, say, Seoul to Busan in about 3 hours.  On Klown holidays, highways become giant parking lots.  The scene is unreal.  First, Klowns all decide to leave at the same time and on the same day to visit their parents and grandparents.  Half the country lives in the Metropolitan Seoul area, but this is a relatively new development.  The concentration around Seoul didn’t really happen until the 80s in the way it is known today, which means a couple generations back, people lived all over the country, which is where many elderly relatives still live today, in shitty shanty houses on semi-arable land growing insect-plagued half crops of gochu peppers and kimchi cabbage.  So, of course, all the Klowns from Seoul drive to all the other parts of the country for each Chinese rip-off holiday to congregate with the extended Klown family. 

So here we have millions of cars on the road at the same time.  First they log jam the merge lanes as drivers from the back of the line on the right lane pull out into merge lanes to get ahead a few cars.  Of course, with the other cars merging this creates a clusterfuck of traffic at the end of the merge lane.  Klown drivers force their way dangerously from lane to lane, right to left, further backing up the whole hot mess.  At first one Klown flips on his hazards and zips down the emergency lane on the shoulder.  You see, in Klown, putting on your hazards – at least in the driver’s mind – is a valid excuse for any and all kinds of assholerly in traffic.  To others, flashing hazards mean, “I’m about to do something incredibly selfish, stupid and dangerous.  Please understand my unique situation and that I consider my own immediate needs to be far more important than yours or anyone else’s.”  So one Klown, then another, then another fill up the shoulder lane. 

Image

Of course, since Klowns are utterly incompetent drivers, and since driver’s licenses are apparently issued as prizes in boxes of cereal, and even though they are literally traveling at 3km an hour, these fucktards will still manage to smash into each other.  Normal Klown protocol in the event of a fender bender is to stop in the middle of all traffic and wait for the insurance kompany to come, photograph the non-damage and send the K-idiots on their way to smash into someone else.  In the middle of the hell of holiday traffic, there is really no choice but to stop, not that Klowns would ever consider pulling over to the side of the road anyway.  Ambulances are sent, as are tow trucks, but of course the emergency vehicle shoulder lane is now full of bumper-to-bumper Klown Kars, so the emergency vehicles force their way between lanes of kars, sirens blaring, inching along (as Klown drivers refuse to move to the side for emergency vehicles) and generally making the whole holiday experience even more wonderful.

Klown highway rest stops are cirkuses on holidays.  Thousands of people jostling for a spot to piss and shit in washrooms so busy that no number of staff could hope to keep them clean.  There are not enough sinks or hand dryers, which matters little as Klowns rarely wash their hands, and if they do, it’s a splash of water with no soap and no drying.  This serves to ensure the spread of as many bacteria as possible as they paw and claw all over every surface with their dripping wet, filthy fucking hands.  The hoardes then line up – in true Klown fashion like pigs at a feeding trough – at the food vendors to buy such delicacies as octopus tentacles blasted with a torch, boiled potatoes (with toothpick included!), bean paste bread, mystery meat on a stick and instant noodles.  This food is largely responsible for the reprehensibly toxic state of Klown washrooms (see World of Shit).

Once the drive is complete, the driver (if said driver is a man) passes out on the floor at the relative’s house.  If the driver is a woman, she goes straight to the kitchen. 

4) Go bankrupt on gifts

How much would you pay for an apple?  You know, a nice enough, average red apple in a carboard box? How about $10?  Now how about a box of ten such apples for $100?  Or a fruit basket for $200?  Or a couple kilos of meat for $200?  Welcome to holiday gift shopping.

ImageNote that 1,000 won is approximately $1.00

To show how much you care for and respect the people in your life, you buy them overpriced foodstuffs.  One popular gift is SPAM.  Yes, you read that right, lips, hooves and assholes blended into a much and squeezed into a tin can SPAM.  What the rest of the world considers throw-away meat or perhaps soup kitchen meat is sold in presentation packs.  Packs of ten cans of SPAM sell for something like 50-60 bucks.

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I suppose the idea is not so much as to show your piety by overspending as much as by demonstrating what a complete asshole and idiot you are.  Prostrating yourself in the form of a 20-dollar cantaloupe.

5) Leave deeply embittered and exhausted

Klown has some of the highest rates of divorce and suicide, as well as the lowest birth rates, in the world.  They also self-report some of the lowest levels of satisfaction, happiness and subjective well being in the OECD.  At the end of the holiday season, I imagine these stats look even more grim.  Korean holidays are a sado-masochistic orgy of suffering.  There is nothing celebratory about them.  the Klowns have managed to destroy the very, very few days away from their inefficient jobs and education systems so as to ensure no happiness whatsoever.

And that suits them just fine.

Martyring oneself, then passing the anger and resentment on down the social chain is the Klown way.  The Human Centipede.