Tikk Tokk

Tick, glorious fucking tick tock.

My last month in this rancid feces smear of a “kulture”.  9 years I’ve watched this place’s people kanibalize themselves to a point of no return.

What better way to kap it off than one last soul-nah (l)? 

As I watch the little pig people slobber all over each other to get fleeced with the world’s most expensive groceries and pile into their tinfoil shitboxes to suffer in traffic with people they secretly hate all to konvince themselves and others that they aren’t the sociopathic narcissists they really are.

As I step over the countless frozen circles of orange vomit on my way, fuck,  anywhere my step feels lighter.  I may actually be skipping.

I have nearly killed myself with work this “holiday” season.  I think I’ve been averaging 5 hours a night of fitful sleep, haunted gleefully by thoughts of freedom.  Like a prisoner counting down the final days of his sentence I can taste the fresh air, if yet only in my mind.

I thought about doing a month in southeast Asia before going home, for the sun and smiles, but I don’t think I’ll ever want to set foot in this continent again.  I’m sure I’ll suffer PTSD the rest of my life.  So severely has this fuckstain kuntry warped me that I’m even thinking a moron like Trump might be a good call for president since he’ll shut the borders tighter than a nun’s knees.  With any luck that will include Klowns.

I won’t be voting for Trump.  Don’t worry.  But fuck if I never want to hear another klown as long as I live.

The bitter whistling winter winds of Chicago sound as sweet as summertime Georgia windchimes in my mind.

Tick fucking tock.

37 thoughts on “Tikk Tokk

  1. Yes, yes, a thousand times YES! Leaving will be the best thing you ever did. It’ll be like taking the biggest, steamiest, most pressing dump of your life and emerging leaner and meaner at the end. Congrats, man!

  2. God Speed …God Speed, our icon of truth ..You will be missed. Myself, 22 years and glimpsing the light at the end of the tunnel as well. If only we had met and I could have shared with you the crushing duality of my existence (nothing sexual mind you) and exaplin how I have somehow maintained a sybolance of my true self. Not important now, obviously, but it would have been interesting.

    • Ditto what The Baron wrote. Let me tell you that there’s something about the Koreans that I miss, er, some of ’em anyway. “It was the best of times and it was worst of times.” I almost did 2 years in jail… well, let’s not go there. The Republik of Korruption is a nightmare wrapped in a drunken dream that’s wrapped in a hate-filled, fascist-minded and paranoid and angry kulture. Wow, I might go back to Klownland in about 8 months for more punishment. Now I know I need more psychotherapy!

  3. I share your current enthusiasm. Im also leaving in 5 days, and I feel more like Ive ended a prison sentence than a work contract. I hadnt realised just how much this place gets under your skin. I should be elated, but I want to thump every Klown that stares at me or unthinkingly bangs into me as Im walking down the street. Even though I tried to leave my job peacefully, they still tried to squeeze another 600,000 won out of me for ‘expenses’. They then threatened to call the police because I refused to clear out ‘their’ furniture from ‘their’ apartment, which Ive been living at illegally (6 months without contract according to the landlord). This is Klown. They are klown right past the count, bell and final decision.If you decide to return – they will still proudly hold their heads high and be Klown.

  4. A guy named Cody in a group called OINK said that you had left Korea months ago – that he was your personal friend and that you were back in the USA and doing well there. Hope you’ll post when you actually are in the next place. Konfused, I am.

    • Apparently I have lots of friends who know me personally etcetera… Never heard of them before. Nobody knows I write this blog except one guy from back home I’ve known pretty much my whole life. “I know the klownisms author” is like “I’ve been to hallasan burger”

  5. 5 months left myself, I dream daily of the glory in my life that will commence upon the plane’s wheels lifting off this cursed land.

  6. Took me 3-4 years to recover from the shock and mental oppression that I endured in Korea. And honestly it wasn’t worth it, at the end of the day. The $ I earned did not compensate me for what it took to accumulate it. The only comforting thought I have is that some humans have it/have had it much worse and it made me more compassionate. I’m so glad you started this blog, it has been an important service to those of us who choose to be conscious beings. Good luck in your transition home. Hope you become a job creator with your savings. Increase prosperity back home. That’s what I’m aiming to do. ❤

  7. The more I learn from their TV channel YouTube videos, the more my fist clenches at some of the behaviour on display. Some of these people come across as: spoilt, culturally insensitive, materialistic, childish, emotionally abusing … I get as exasperated as some of the foreigners that encounter them when they visit their countries do! Couldn’t imagine living there.

  8. Oh the horror. The horror that is Klown!

    I could never have imagined that it could ever get any worse. And yet . . it has.

    • Not likely. I’m happily far, far away from the thousands upon thousands of “protestors” with confused, far away looks in their vacant eyes… first briefly struggling to find a reason why they are there, then quickly easing back into the “everyone else is” mode.

      Fucking Klown.

      • Classic. I think they are there because the nightly news is telling them to be there, and telling them what ‘opinion’ to have about the whole affair. It really is a country of morons. ‘Teach’ English, save every penny, and only leave your accommodation for work and essential trips such as grocery shopping, or the occasional social outing – the location which must, of course, be chosen very, very carefully. Roll on next year when I’m done at last with this dump. Congrats on your escape.

  9. Miss you man. Ended a relationship with a state-side Klown and couldn’t wrap my head around her behavior. Your blog explained everything.

    Anyway: I’m sure I’m not the only one wondering: Have you and Dolly met in person yet??

  10. I will be out of here September! My blood pressure and mental well-being are in need of a cleansing. Being half Korean myself I have no natural bias against Koreans, obviously. But it’s a fucking battle every single day with the amount of assholery here. Where selfish, rude and arrogant behavior are exceptions in most first world countries, it seems like the standard here. And K-nuthuggers and gyopos are quick to defend it or make excuses for it. Never owning up or admitting to anything is this place’s biggest threat. This is the 4th major city I’ve lived in and it’s just so mentally taxing every. single. fucking. day.

    Hope you are enjoying life better these days. Would love a follow up post! Take it easy.

  11. How you doing with your Mormon dad who’s religion you’ve called a ‘cult’, Richard? Have you talked to your father yet? Is he aware of your blog as well on that note?

    • WTMF?

      1) Fuck you
      2) Everyone assumes I’m someone they know. I’m not. Fuck off.
      3) I’ve been gone almost 2 years now. Get the fuck over it.

      Jesus Fucking H Christ you Klowns and wanna-be Klowns are more pathetic now than you were back before I left. Kunts.

  12. Hey bro,
    Land of the Mourning Clam here. I was just going back through my comics and I saw some of your comments. I moved back to Florida in May, 2016. Man, I love having grass, landscaping, different styles of homes, no flashing neon or loud trucks blaring crap all night, etc. Obviously, I could go on. I hope you are doing well. I thought about doing a comic on life back at home since people keep asking me, but I don’t think it would work. Have you thought about doing something about life back here or do you not think it will work either? Later sir.

    • Howdy Jim. Glad to hear you made it out. No comics about life in the civilized world. There’s some crazy political shit happening, but hey, survived Bush II so….

      I’ll have PTSD about Klown for 20 years.

      • All right man. Good luck and just let us know if you come up with another blog. You’re an extremely talented writer.

    • Nothing ever truly ends… but I’ve been busy building a new life. I’ve got enough PTSD and revulsion over Klown Kulture to author another hundred posts I’m sure, but when I can stare out at blue skies and hear myself think…

  13. Hello. I too recently happened to find your blog, and I wish I had found it sooner. Brilliant and insightful description of what “Klowns” and their “Kulture” really are, breaking through their façade of what they “want to be thought of as by others.” It must have been hard living amongst them for all those years and in learning (being shoved) things that you probably didn’t want to know about.

    I would really love to see more entries on what you learned about Klowns. It may probably save some naïve souls from making the fateful decision to go to Klown for an “exotic oriental” experience (maybe choose Japan or Taiwan instead) and ending up as a wreck or a Klown sycophant to maintain their sanity, and they definitely will thank you for it. It could have therapeutic effects as well.

    May peace be with you.

    • an exotic oriental experience? I know you are being serious, but Korea is the farthest thing from an e.o.ex. as it is possible to get. The. Farthest. Ever. Even the planet Pluto would offer more in the way of an e.o.ex. And I am being deadly serious. But, Korea would be such a beautiful place; and could indeed offer an exotic asian experience, even—if it wasn’t for Koreans. Especially the disgusting, loud, barely civilized (read: they have only been brainwashed into patterns of behaviour), rope belted, mouth breathing, bumpkin gnomes and crones in hideous, cheap tracksuits who pollute the natural environment. They are the most horrid creatures imaginable.
      Avoid mountain trails on weekday mornings/afternoons: This is important. When they get drunk on methylated spirits —all they are good for—it’s even worse.

      Korea is some kind of misplaced geographical anomaly.

      But what annoyed me most—mercifully avoided the headfucks that so rattled our dear writer, above—was the abysmal levels of service in any kind of establishment, food or beverage, all the way up to 5 star.

      Koreans are such fucking cretins. Take the cash-money, find a decent friend, or two (not Korean, non-Koreans are totally alien to them, and they are afraid of us in some weird, primal way that I never could define) and split as fast as you can—that’s all you need to know about Korea.

      Ahem, sorry! Rant over~

      • Hello Jim,

        Thanks for your “rants” on the Klowns. I understand it must be the raw feelings of those that had to interact with those beings.

        TBH, I am from Japan, have been hearing many news reports by the Klowns on Japan (colonization, comfort women, blah blah), and I have had a few weeks of interacting with the Klowns in the past there in my business trips, and I must say they are the kind of beings (in an un-human sense) that you wouldn’t ever want to associate with again if possible.

        The Koreans claim that they were being “unfairly” discriminated by the Japanese, but as far as what I understand, they deserve to be discriminated (or looked down upon). As you noted, anyone who have had the chance to live with the Klowns will understand why they would want to keep their distance with them.

        Also, the issue about Klown comfort women (sex slaves) being abducted to serve during WW2 are false, since these women were paid good money for their businesses, and girls from impoverished provinces in Japan were also sold into the trade by their parents to reduce the burden of feeding them.

        I hope this understanding will gain more traction amongst the international people instead of the lies perpetrated by the Koreans (and Chinese ) who wish to discredit the Japanese in the international standings.

  14. Fuck this country and all the chip-on-the-shoulder, passive-aggressive bullshit that’s abundant in 49 out of every 50 oxygen-wasting, kimchi-shitting, environmental disaster I pass a day. At least most of you don’t have roots in this fucking cesspool of anti-logic.

Whatcha got to add?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s