Klown Komments 3

As usual, reposted from the comments section:

Adam Carr Writes (in response to “Self Kongratulatory“:

Hahaha. You’re still such a fucking waste of what would otherwise be talent. Only you would be such an adorable little bitch about being nominated for an award, even if it is rightly for being a sad wank stain. 😉

Oh Adam, did I hurt your feelings?

Look little guy, I know it’s tough, being old and balding and still making less than pretty much everyone you went to school with, but buck up, at least you have the K-blog awards!

It must be frustrating that I bang these little vents off in my scant spare time while you invest so, so much time and energy into pretending to be a “writer” and promoting your worthless blog.

You’ll never make money with your “writing”, and any life improvement you perceive it makes it strictly self-delusion. It’s sad. Sad you think you have any relevance.

But you don’t. Not at all.

What happens when you turn 50, and you’re still stuck here making next to minimum wage with progressively fewer employment opportunities? Thailand? Myanmar? Traditional Klown suicide?

I’d say marry a Klown girl with money, but one of them wouldn’t touch you with a full Ebola – grade bio hazard suit on.

Maybe you could blog about the future of loser esl teachers who struggle to find meaning by imagining themselves Internet famous via blogs while edging ever closer to perpetual unemployability in your next post. Title it “My Sad, Sad Future”

His Reponse (because little fucking Napoleon-complex sufferers like Klowns never know when to fucking stop):

I’m not an ESL teacher, and I probably make a lot more than you.

Damn, that was disappointing. I was hoping for better. It appears as though there is a limit to your pointed vitriol.

Oh Adam, Adam, Adam.

Why do you have this obsession with embarrassing yourself?


You work at SK Hynix (a job you have had a scant 5 months and from which you’re already looking for an exit strategy) as an “in house language consultant” who “confabs with [ajosshi] for a living”. [Previously: Nara Education Academy, Lotte Language Academy, LFA Academy] You could call yourself “Royal Magistrate of Foreign Vocal Formations” and it still fucking means you’re a fucking ESL teacher. You teach English. Get the fuck over yourself.

Delusional fucking twats… oh yeah, and you’re an “adventurer” (presumably because you’ve ventured outside your home state to this fucking toilet bowl) and a “writer” (who has a readership of maybe a few dozen sunken-chested Western reject peers desperately clamoring, as you do, to finally find acceptance here in the land of low standards). You’re a joke. You and your meaningless degree in fucking philosophy (no wonder you’re such an arrogant, useless sack of befoulment).

And no, Adam, you don’t make more than me. I make quite comfortably on the plus side of 9 figures a year. You know how I do it? As an ESL teacher, Adam. Kids, executives, kimchi moms… hell, even housepets if they pay me. I’m an ESL teacher. I’m not suffering from self-delusions of grandeur like you are. I don’t feel the need to lie about my profession to escape embarrassment.

You know how else I make that much Adam? Because I don’t waste time being a fucking cheerleader like you do. All that time you spend trying to get Klowns to like you, writing about how great Klown is, being an impotent, limp-dicked apologist… all wasted. Klowns don’t like you. They don’t want to be your friend. You’re a novelty. An organ grinder monkey. You’re not a person, you’re a waegookin. A gojangii. That’s what Klown is. But just as you insist on deluding yourself about being an ESL teacher, a writer and a relevant human being, you also lie to yourself about the nature of Klown.

You refuse to live in reality. And when it comes crashing in on you, and you realize you’ve put all your chips on the losing hand, it’s going to be fucking devastating to you. Who knows if your psyche can take it?

So come on here and lie all you fucking want about your lot in life Adam. I know the truth, and try as you might to escape it with fantasyland dreams of your life having meaning, you’re going to know the truth too. Maybe someone will blog about it. “Scantily Remembered ESL-Teacher-Turned-Klown Nosedives Into Phlegm and Vomit Puddle in HBC


22 thoughts on “Klown Komments 3

  1. Awesome.
    These types of people seem to make up 99.9% of the ESL teachers, language consultants, or whatever self-reassuring title they give themselves here in Korea. Each and everyone buried so deep in the self-denial that the work they do here matters and that they will be respected and rewarded for it by the ‘unique’ and ‘beautiful’ culture they have invested into.
    Unfortunately, as with most things here, it doesn’t. When you are shown the door, replaced by a cheaper/more attractive/more fun/younger/…(whatever reason your peasant-in-a-suit ajjoshi boss decides when you are no longer a novelty to him) bottom feeding ESL ‘teacher’, you will no doubt receive the standard cringe-worthy, insincere, bow and handshake, followed by a ‘thanks for all your help’ (which you will gratefully lap up, like ajjoshi puke off a sidewalk).
    Think about how much they actually care about and respect you as another human being. Perhaps you have a wife, children, not to mention the burden of the many financial responsibilities that most adult people in the world are faced with.
    Next, think about their commitment and dedication to providing quality education when, after providing them with all of your hard work and the experience you have gained in Korean classrooms, you are replaced to save perhaps $900, by a fresh faced, ‘bubbly’, graduate who made a cute and funny YouTube application video which included some adorable (pathetic) attempts at speaking Korean to show their prospective employee how much they are interested and inspired by this great nation and that they want to come here and experience it whilst sharing their own culture (getting drunk and doing the Gangnam style dance ACTUALLY in Gangnam!!! “wow, my college mates back home won’t believe it, i’m actually here doing it!! LOL!”) with them (none of which they give a fuck about, because, as we all know, there is only one culture that matters in the world to them).
    Yes, you will slink away, those close ties and solid friendships you made with these genuine, humble, sincere and honest people, disappearing before you have even stepped foot onto the flight back to your home country. Those lessons and accompanying lesson plans you spent hours grafting away on in your damp, dingy apartment on your own time, filed neatly away in the recycle bin (replaced by new ‘fun’ teacher Jenny’s animated GIFs pulled off Google and YouTube laden PPT lessons full of grammatical errors and inappropriate material direct from Waygook.org). If you are lucky, maybe you’ll get a nice “how are you?” “long time, no see” message…followed by the inevitable request for help regarding English later down the line.
    It’s all a facade and you matter not here.

    “Thanks for all your help”.

    P.S. how does one contact you, the author of this site?

    • A nice summary of the state of the ESL Union.

      Contact? One does not. If you want to reach me privately, write a comment in the comment section and title it “PRIVATE MESSAGE”

  2. Oh, and perhaps a little off topic or maybe not, but fuck that twat who hangs out barefoot around HBC, thinking he’s Steve fucking jobs. I’d be willing to bet he’s a kindy teacher in some shithole hagwon doing privates on the side, licking the sweat off ajjoshi balls, and has business cards with the title ‘Language Consultant’ on it. Fucking asshole loser ESL hipsters.

      • LOL Kaucasian Klowns!! So true. Who is lucky enough to get to see you and work with you every day? Never met anyone with the kind of insight and integrity you have in all my time in ESL. Missed your postings over the summer. Now anxiously awaiting your thoughts on the great “nut rage” of 2014….

      • Dolly, oh future recipient of my seed, I wasn’t going to do a spot on “Nutgate”, aka, “every day in Klown”, but for you I might reconsider.

      • Oh yes, you have to. It’s a rare opportunity to point out some fascinating things about life in the Korean workplace. Then again I’d be happy to listen to your rant in person…. You know, just if you feel your blog posts would be better spent on other material…. (*^.^*)

  3. The barefoot guy is still alive? Last I saw of him he was passed out in a bus shelter with only his feet on the seat. Dirty bugger.

    • I met that barefoot guy once. His feet were absolutely filthy. He’s clearly unaware of how horrified your average Korean is at the thought of outside shoes touching indoor floors. Perhaps it’s because they know how disgustingly dirty every outdoor surface in this country actually is. He should probably take some time to think about that.

  4. A refreshing breath of truth that one needs to agree with. One needs to suck it up, save their money being an ESL TEACHER, not a language consultant, and go do something different back in the real world.
    that adam guy’s tour guide thing… that must be absolutely awful…

  5. #rekt

    The only thing sadder than a bald 32 year old ESL teacher, is a bald 32 year old ESL teacher that thinks 2.1 Million won per month is good money.

    Korea is much, much better when you’re not working for Koreans. If you’re willing to bend the rules a little, you can eke out a pretty comfortable existence here with substantially less effort than you would back home.

    At the end of the day, I have little sympathy for anyone complaining about being an ESL teacher. When I signed up for my contract, a quick google search revealed everything that you idiots ceaselessly whine about. You knew the risks, and you signed up anyway. Turn it into something positive and then shit on those who weren’t able to.

    ‘Tis the Korean way.

      • True. Whenever foreigners bitch about not being truly accepted into Korean society, I ask them, “Why the fuck would you want that anyway?” Korea sucks the hardest for people who are Korean.

  6. You should write about all the American idiots that have never lived a day in Korea, yet comment on Yahoo news about how “honorable” it is for Nutgate’s father to apologize for his retarded daughter’s actions.

    • People are fucking stupid. The average iq is supposed to be 100. Have you ever had a conversation with somebody who has an IQ of 100? They sound like drooling fucking morons. And that’s the average. If you have any kind of intelligence whatsoever, chances are everybody that you know is far more intelligent than that. You meet somebody with a hundred IQ and you’d think they were Forrest Gump.

      Anybody who thinks Korean culture is wonderful or honorable or noteworthy in any respect is similarly a drooling idiot.

  7. Also, I like reading your blog more now that I’m back in America. I feel sorry for Koreans, living such a pitiful life, I don’t even hate them anymore. Reading this blog in Korea made me laugh and so pissed off at Koreans that I wanted to punch one in the face (although I did manage to get a measure of revenge, but pay some money for it- money well spent, though).

    • I agree. I lived in the dingleberry of the Asian continent for a year. The Klowns I worked with were horrible, childish people who loved nothing more than to gossip and imitate K-drama girls. The food – seems somewhere there was a nuclear fallout in which all condiments except for gochujang were destroyed. Now I am a teacher back in the states and there is no comparison to how well I am treated (professionally and as another human in public space). Korea can have it’s turpentine aka Soju and rotten cabbage.

  8. What a knob.

    The old “in house global corporate communication systems consultant” or whatever fancy delusional title he gives himself that’s not on his business card. These guys—like their close cousins, the conversation teachers at universities who take to calling themselves “professor” and the hipsters in HBC who regard themselves as “writers”—resort to denial and hiding behind fake titles when dealing with the fact that their degrees in theater studies from 3rd tier state schools have led them to the brink of failure in life. They’re the beta males at your hagwon who want to “stick it” to their ex-colleagues and everyone who made fun of them back home by pretending to be successful with some fancy corporate job and pretending they’re not just ordinary EFL teachers. You can find them in the bars in itaewon getting off on lording their fancy titles over the “commoners” (often making it a big point at the beginning of any conversation to mention that their “not English teachers”), and making cringe-worthy attempts to pick up bored Korean girls. The guys who land these jobs are the same guys in your hagwon who no one wants to hang out with, but fish desperately for pity invitations week after week; the kind of guys who enter the teacher’s lounge on a Friday afternoon when everyone is planning their weekend fun together and is greeted with sudden awkward silence.

    These “business curriculum development specialists” aren’t even ESL teachers. They may teach a class or two to bored and stressed out ajeosshis who would rather be doing actual work, but most of their job consists of deskwarming for 8 hours a day and doing basic secretarial tasks. Sometimes they sit at their desks for 12 or 13 hours a day in unrecognized attempts at solidarity with their Korean colleagues who still regard them as nothing more than English-language monkeys. Some of the more ambitious ones take to learning about the business and even take the “initiative” to start their own projects in a futile attempt to prove that they are more than just dictionaries with a pulse, but their unimpressed Korean colleagues regard these efforts in the same way one might regard an elephant who paints.

    The simple reality is you’ll never land a “real” corporate job in Korea unless you’re brought in from outside the country, are from a non-English speaking country, waste your time and money on a “grad school” here, or are a gyopo. Be wary of and prepare to ridicule anyone claiming otherwise.

  9. Oh that was great, I think besides Carr’s ‘academy’ experience the BA Philosophy just sums the guy up to a tee. But hey, he’s a defender of Korea, only place where girls might actually talk to him (because the female workers greet everyone when they walk into a GS25).

  10. @ Johnny fun teacher

    I hear that expathell has a members only section. I applied but never heard back. I don’t know what the code is to get in. Maybe you need to kill an ajosshi or something. I bet you find guys more bitter than I am there.

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