Hey, Kheers buddy!

In the 1970s, Korea’s President Park I introduced a new economic policy called saemaul undong. The gist was that the government was going to take all the money being shoveled at them by America and Japan and they were going to modernize the thatched-roof-hut-dwelling, hole-in-ground-shitting, bindle-toting, mud-caked peasant sty that was South Korea at the time. People were told to be self-reliant. People were told that it was their sacred duty to develop the nation (by working for slave wages or for free). So positively Stalinist was the brainwashing drive that the loudspeakers set up around the country (which now blare air raid sirens for drills that everyone ignores) would play a little song in the morning about how everyone should get up, get out and break their backs – for, again, little to no compensation despite the re-purposed slop buckets full of cash being given to start-up chaebols – to modernize the place. The promise of this uri nara was that the nation would be eternally grateful.

Well we know what became of the generation that actually did all that back-breaking (often quite literally) labor in the 70s. A taste of how they were “thanked” can be found here.

Klown is a lie. In some ways, it is even more Orwellian than North Korea. Pigs in suits running the place. Some pigs are more equal than others.

 some pigs are more equal

Klown relies on brainwashing and self-perpetuating propaganda. If Klown were to be honest with itself, the fog of nationalism would lift and people would look round and see what a filthy fucking sado-masochistic society of deep, deep unhappiness they live in and the world’s already-highest suicide rates would climb to unimaginable levels.

But that fog won’t lift since just as the economy is propped up on shaky, unsustainable government (well, American) cash and bank controls, the “kulture” and society itself are propped up on lies and bullshit.

 A Klown promise is meaningless.

A Klown handshake is a throw-away novelty.

An official Klown document, like the ones here and here, or contract is best used as toilet paper.

A Klown ‘thank you’, well…

 Since the Klown sokker skwad cheated their way to the quarterfinals in the 2002 World Cup that had to be co-hosted by Japan since nobody trusts the fucking Klowns to get anything right without have actual free-thinkers to copy off of, every 4 years the Klowns pull out their red shirts and shout all that uri nara bullshit in the mindless, zombie-like way that all Klowns do all things.

So their skwad, of course, was eliminated by teams that didn’t go on all-night soju binges and room salon tours, and returned home – some time after being eliminated I might add – to this. Thank you very fucking much, national team, now we’re going to pelt you with toffees in a bizarre gesture that means “Fuck you, GTFO!”. And these guys are the national fucking heroes for nose-picking, scream-talking kids all over Klown. They didn’t get ass-raped 7-1 like Brazil, but still, thanks, and fuck you.

The other story that caught my eye was this ban on international travel for public servants, which includes teachers. There is a post all to itself about the hypocrisy of waging a “war” with North Korea over its Stalinist tactics while employing all the same maneuvers at home, but I’ll leave that for another day.

Klown, the Konfucian “paradise”, sets teachers on a pedestal in accordance with the hierarchy of relationships dogma. But predictably, that is entirely bullshit. Teachers in Korea are already told through action in no uncertain terms that they are not valued, not respected, allowed no free time and tolerated only so long as they militaristically drill Q&As into kids’ skulls enough to gain prestigee on tests like the PISA (again, another post). Now their basic right (Article 13 to which Klown is a signatory) to Freedom of Movement is being revoked?

Well hey, chalk that up on the long list of Klown phlegm balls having been spat in the face of UN codes and values.   But remember, a Korean’s signature on a document has no meaning, so anything signed at the UN is just playtime for a Klown a’come beggin’ with his hands out and a used-car salesman smile atop his reflectively shiny $10 suit and just beneath his caricaturish comb-over.

In Klown, “thank you” means you should keep one hand on your wallet and circle away.

Like most things in Klown, your naively genuine reaction to a thank you identifies you as a mark, a target to be taken advantage of, whether by your boss, your fans, your family members or the entire nation.

 There is nothing real here. Nothing authentic or heartfelt or without some sneaky-yet-small-time angle to play. Even something as basic as a thank you is a Trojan horse.

A thank you would imply that a Klown gives a fuck about you and your actions. But they don’t. A Klown is a myopic and narcissistic fuck incapable of real thought outside him or herself.

In that spirit, I’d like to say thanks. Thank you Klown, for 8 wonderful years. Thank you for all the joy you have given my senses. Thank you for teaching me about your unique and special and old and globally-famousuh kulture. Thank you for Psy and K-pop and K-dramas and kyopos and the entertaining way you’ve decorated each and every street.



26 thoughts on “Benediktion

  1. “You cannot leave the country during your vacation time” is not the mandate of an OECD nation.
    Apparently, after an overwhelming cry of “this is supposed to be a free country” from the public, the K-gov has pulled it’s head back into the turtle shell. They are now cowardly denying they ever made this statement, despite the fact that official memos had been sent out by the Powers That Be.

    • Typical ajosshi management tactics: if at first you can’t copy, let your nephew make drunken decisions on a Tuesday, receive inevitable public blowback on Wednesday, demonstrate spineless lack of conviction on Thursday.

  2. i usually enjoy your blogs, but this just sounded like an angry, drunk whine – saying nothing that you havent already said.
    What was the point?

  3. I’ve never met a more despicable creature than the arrogant self-righteous nationalistic ajosshi who hold himself in high esteem due to his age or position. The guy’s a joke and a bumbling fool when he leaves the peninsula but struts around all powerful and kowtowed to locally. It’s a pretty sick setup based on outdated values.

  4. Just between you and me, are you leaving Korea?  I respect and appreciate you and what you do….. if you are going, I hafta believe it is by choice.  Somehow I got the impression you’d be here for a while longer.


  5. Having worked for the government (not epik), I can vouch first hand how incompetent and drunk they are. The reason why they get moved around every 2 years is to prevent corruption, which there is plenty despite ‘moving season’ as they say.

  6. This is the first time I’m posting a comment here. Just wanted to say, I feel your pain. I have to agree, Klown kulture is hopelessly dysfunctional and outdated (in many aspects, not all). This is coming from a 1.5 generation Korean American female living in Los Angeles, Koreatown adjacent, aka KTOWN (sounds like KLOWN, ahaha). Unfortunately, I often find myself relating to your observations, validating my many trials and tribulations in trying to interact with my own kind. In a sea of conformity, I’m pretty much considered a thought criminal. But please make no mistake about it, as infinitely frustrating as the Klown kulture is, anyone anywhere, here or there, if they’re not evolving, they’re devolving. We’re either progressing or regressing. It’s an individual choice, yours, mine, everybody’s…beyond race, culture & ethnicity. I read somewhere that the root of all our problems is self will run riot. What you’re witnessing over there in Klownland seems to be a glaring and exaggerated example of the human dilemma, which we all have in common. Keep posting though. Your wit and powers of perception are appreciated. Allows me to reflect and understand human nature, all the better to practice the gift of free will more wisely. I just want to evolve. That’s just me. And I’m not mad at you. I think you’re actually a gifted writer and maybe you need a hug 🙂

      • I’m guessing you are one of the many Brits who comes to K land and swings your male member around the country thinking you are something special. Go play on Dave’s or the Marmot’s Hole. Your shit is weak and stupid.

      • Wrong and wrong. What’s Daves? I am special yes we all are special to someone. My member does swing, you are correct, I wear boxers you see. My shit is usually pretty solid and pungent, I eat a lot of vegetables. I live in Korea with my wife and have a steady amount of sex which makes me a lot more chilled out about life. I’m sorry you got sand in your vag.
        kind regards.

    • Can I make rash generalisations about you now Joan?
      Hmmm An ugly/fat Western woman who left her own country in persuit of adventure and paying off her student loans. Found out that Korea (not giving a shit about real education) whould hire her because she graduated with a liberal arts degree and has a white face. Landed in Korea and had the obvious “You’re fat/ugly” line thrown at her fairly early in the piece. Became digruntled that she doesn’t find Korean men attractive but all the available foreign men are only interested in banging local girls because they aren’t heffas. Ring a bell Joan? Enjoy your shit life in Korea!

  7. Alexander. You are nothing more than a Korean Boo, as Joan stated get back to Dave’s or the Marmot’s hole, thank goodness I no longer have to deal with these Klowns after finally leaving the land of the mourning calm!

    • As I stated before I don’t know what “Daves” is or “the Marmots hole” I’m glad you left too Jason as I’m sure that you are an overly negative wanker as well. Still hung up on Korea so much that you like to read the local blogs? Enjoy your new life as a Subway sandwich artist.

      • Don’t know what Dave’s is, you say? Just a plain old fashioned liar you are then. And no doubt a #douche #doucheymcdouche Leave Joan alone or I WILL STALK YOU AND YOU WILL SUFFER. OH, WILL YOU SUFFER…!

  8. I read this because it’s hilarious and reminds me every single time why I left. Why the fuck do you read it you fucking prick? A subway sandwich artist? I am working at an international boarding school, don’t judge everyone with your own job limitations. You complete knob jockey. Korea boo, toss pot!

    • When I was in grad school, I did things to avoid sitting down and writing….. clean the oven or work on the thesis….. iron some underwear or write the thesis……. learn to fly a Piper Cub (this one was worth it) or write the thesis. I still have a hard time writing.
      I really appreciate reading informative, concise, well written stuff that interests me, which is why I appreciate this blog and the guy who writes it. I also look forward to his wit, sensitivity, and insights into teaching life in Korea. Friends here and all over the world who’ve had the experience of teaching and living here have told me they also appreciate the blog. They don’t all love it like I do, but they read it. The most common thing I hear from them is that what is written is “so true” or “spot on” or “exhausting, but can’t argue with any of it”. I choose to read it, and look forward to every single installment. I always learn something from it. Sometimes it is simply devastating. It enhances my perspective, relieves some frustration, and makes me laugh out loud. Two posts in one weekend – woohoo!
      My response to the anonymous knuckle dragger who decided he was also a sleuth with exceptionally keen insight into the blogger’s personal life (and yours and mine) was, in hindsight, an error. Indulging the Koreaboo has detracted from the blog content. I usually choose kindness as the best approach to life. Ignorance and arrogance are a toxic mix. Sorry I indulged that. I messed up.

      • See! Klownisms likes a good old fashioned troll. “Internet seriousness” is a severe problem and should be remedied asap folks!

  9. Here’s a B.F.O. (blinding flash of the obvious)…..Klowns provide jobs. Even here in Lala Land (scandalous Los Angeles), I’ve worked for many Klown bosses. They may be ass backwards and drive you bat shit crazy, but let’s give them some credit for serving a valuable purpose in society. (applause, applause)
    I don’t, however, appreciate being asked my age & marital status & sometimes they will ask why im not married yet, at the beginning of the interview. (Thats the Klown way). But for my own reasons, for the past 7 years, I’ve worked at mostly Klown companies. It almost always feels like communism. Sad but true. Always the intense pressure to obey & conform. BE A ROBOT, NOT A SHINING STAR. Thats how to get along in Klown kulture.
    Never EVER outshine your boss or your manager or any coworkers who have more seniority than you. Its taken as disrespect which is a very serious offense. Its always about hierarchy & bowing down & sometimes, yes, you have to eat shit.
    The American in me wants to sometimes say, no, why dont you eat it & choke on your own excrement while you’re at it! Of course I never do. Thats what a fantasy life is for. I’m rambling now. Just needed to rant about my life….REAL KLOWNS OF LOS ANGELES!!

    • Do they ask your blood type too?
      So true about not outshining your supervisor or coworker w/ more seniority. I wish someone had told me that when I first went to Korea. Then again just by walking in the door and being from another country one has already possibly “outshone” them in a way. Which is why I say that TEFL in Korea is just a setup. We are not expected nor wanted to succeed. Ready to be a human punching bag day in and day out for the breathtaking wage of 2.1 million won per month? Visit us online at today :)))))

  10. Oh yeah, and never question authority. Blind obedience always. Even if it makes absolutely no sense. Contributing ideas & solutions or customer’s comments is not rewarded. Don’t be the nail that sticks out, or you will get beat down into submission. Just like the thought criminals in George Orwell’s 1984.

  11. Pingback: “Mirakle” | klownisms: life in Klown

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