Klown Komments 1

I think I’ll start putting up some particularly Klownish Komments and my responses to flesh out a blog I otherwise have little time to maintain.

This was in response to my Kommunity and Kollectivism post:

 

k641 on June 20, 2014 at 6:32 pm said: Edit

Dear blog owner,

You keep harping about the lack of trash cans in Korea’s streets.
I just wanted to say that this is not because Koreans dislike trash cans and like to throw garbage everywhere.
This is because of trash laws they instituted several years back.

 

You see? Korea is a small country, and there’s not enough space for landfills.
As Korea industrialized and grew more wealthy, the amount of trash skyrocketed.
So the govt removed public trash cans in order to reduce the amount of trash.
And they make everyone throw out trash in special bags that they must purchase.

 

They removed the public trash cans and expected people to just carry their trash with them and throw them away when they got home.
But obviously this is not working out very well. Some people are just littering on the streets.

Koreans are obviously inconvenienced by this trash problem. And they’re trying to remedy it.

 

So in the meantime, please be patient.
And thank you for your understanding.

Have a nice day.

 

  • To which I replied:
    This is exactly the fucking problem. Let me translate Klownese into English for you readers at home:“Dear Mr. Blogger,You keep harping on about the endless, ubiquitous carpet of trash that covers every square kilometer of this country.
    I just wanted to say that this isn’t because Klowns don’t like trash cans, it is because they don’t give a rat’s motherfuck about anyone else in the universe and can’t be ass bothered to dispose of their trash in even remotely civilized ways. Please understand our unique situation and culture

    .
    Also, the thoroughly incompetent Klown government passed a set of laws some years back that were obviously dreamt up by some inbred nephew of some higher-up who has a serious drinking problem.

    You see? We’re so fucking stupid and illogical that we are completely and utterly fucked.
    Korea is a shitty, small, insignificant country and while we tell the world we have room for the Olympics, and build massive theme parks and gigantic shopping malls, a landfill is out of the question since the ajosshi can’t get rich off of that.
    As Korea industrialized on the back of American and Japanese money, the amount of trash produced skyrocketed as we no longer needed to eat dandelion roots (though we may now choose to because they are “traditional” and therefore “delicious”) and could do everything the Americans we secretly envy though profess to hate do.

    So the stupid fucking, dropped-on-their-heads-while-infants Klown government fucks got piss drunk one afternoon and decided to remove public trash cans because, according to their particular breed of logik, removing sanitary communal places to dispose of trash will somehow reduce people’s consumption rates at the same time the government sponsors massive consumerism campaigns.
    They made everyone buy trash bags, but then gave them no place to put them, because they are functionally fucking retarded and should have been aborted in utero.

    The removed the public trash cans and expected people to just to carry their trash with them because, apparently, they had never stepped foot in Klown public or even looked out a fucking window in their lives to see that Klowns are so far fucking removed from responsible trash disposal that we’re all lucky they aren’t just whipping down their pants and pissing and shitting in the streets. Oh wait. THEY ARE.

    Fuck.
    But obviously this is not working out very well. A blind, brain-damaged chimp could see that. Some (and by that I mean every fucking Klown in existence) are just littering on the streets.

    Koreans are obviously inconvenienced by this trash problem, but not enough to actually give a fuck and do something about it, plus we are actually quite comfortable living in our own filth… do not pigs roll in their own shit? Everything will work out because of the Human Centipede ideology which dictates that their unhappiness with the current situation (the entire fucking country blanketed in festering filth) will simply be passed on to someone else in a sick fucking form of abuse that is socially encouraged and culturally glorified. Klowns are saying that they are trying to remedy it, but really they are just looking for someone they can blame their own farm animal behavior on.

    So in the meantime, be patient as we spark a 21st century bubonic plague.
    I guess that’s what we all get for expecting the chronically uncivilized to show some fucking pride and respect. One would think Klowns might learn from this and other lessons, but they won’t because they are willfully incompetent. Because incompetent is “traditional” and therefore “good”. Please understand out culture.

    Have a nice day, AKA ‘Fuck you. Me Klown. Me use world as toilet. Revel in my traditional filth.’”

    Why don’t I come to your house? I can pop a squat outside your front door (because there isn’t a toilet conveniently located outside your front door) and dribble some special ‘Spicy Gochu Chicken’ diarrhea shit all over your doorstep? Then I can leave my household food garbage there (since Samsung is seemingly confused by the concept of a garbage disposal unit), piss on your door and spit all over your door handle.

    Please understand my special and unique situation! I needed to take a shit and dispose of trash but I didn’t want to go to the trouble of finding an actual toilet because I’m a mannerless fuck who has no business existing in the company of other humans, and there were no trashcans because my dumb as all fuck government removed them all. I know you told me to reduce the amount of feces I produce, but I eat just as much as ever (actually more since I am now ‘wealthy’ and can enjoy processed foods and gourmet coffee – which has no effect on defecation, right?) and produce the same (well, more) amount of shit as I always have.  I am literally full of shit.

    Please understand my culture.

    When I say that it excuses any and all behaviors, even those that are deeply socially retarded.

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11 thoughts on “Klown Komments 1

  1. Is it possible to understand the culture anyway? I have to say it is something we would all like to do, but that is as complicated as understanding oneself I suppose.
    It’s still funny or not, really, how much Korea gets under the skin. It’s a bizarre country, and there are too many shitheads for sure. No one can compare it to every other god damn culture because no one has a chance to experience all that. But man, does that country ever piss a lot of people off. More than any other I know or hear of, and surely there is a reason.

    • Joe,
      Yes, Korea gets under the skin like no other culture. Many expats– who have extensively traveled– declare this to be true. I too have pondered Korea’s queer, pernicious quality and determined it to be spiritual in source. I suggest Korea is suffering an ancient spiritual insanity behind it’s modern “progressive” façade.
      (Below is a retread comment, but is my supplement to your comment if the blogger permits.)
      One major strategy of psychopathic collectives is to camouflage it’s moral character; through historical reasons, Korea hid its core cultural psycho-pathology exploiting Christianity as a moral front cover in hopes of fooling outsiders and themselves. This accords with anecdotal observations suggesting spiritual evil often takes moral cover hiding within respected religions. Legitimate religion, however, teaches that one discerns the essence of personalities and their collectives by behavioral fruits, not professions. This leads to the question: Who is the actual god Koreans worship behind the Christian front-operation?
      Cleanliness is next to Godliness. This blogger’s previous post points to modern Korea needlessly embracing fly-ridden squalor and filth even after devious World Bank shark-loans are perpetually dumped onto Korea. Is it possible Korea’s incense-like stench wafting from hellish sewer grates–is not merely fruits of residual peasant backwardness, but an intractable form of religious worship to a scatological fly-loving deity? I submit that whenever one discerns the glimmer of unrelenting madness behind peasants’ eyes and behavior– we are dealing with spiritual influences–not a simple need for education and World Bank loans.
      Middle Eastern religions reveal an ancient oriental deity called Baal Zebub, literally meaning Lord Of The Flies, alternatively named “Chaos Maker.” Could Korea’s chronic, fly-attracting, scream-talking ambient abuse be an unconscious religious sentiment devoted to Baal Zebub, the Lord of the Flies? The god of chaos?
      I submit that to spiritually understand Korea, we must observe habits of flies to understand Baal Zebub and his spiritual children. Unlike flies, bees have an orderly, clean house and are organized around law abiding government; bees like beauty, e.g.. flowers; they make honey, speak a gentle murmuring language, care for offspring, and are courageously armed to defend homeland rather than rely on someone else’s spilt blood.
      Does Korean culture exhibit these traits? Or, can the Korean collective be more likened to a swarm of flies buzzing in the summer heat over bulging plastic bags dumped on a Korean side-walk? Could the leaking bag’s putrefying stench of rotting kimchee juice and melted pig fat be a sweet smelling incense to Baal Zebub? Think about it: flies zig and zag through the air like an ajumma walking the sidewalk; flies have no orderly government, often engaging in buzzing fist-fights and brawls when excited over the prospect of laying eggs on a dung pile or decaying flesh; flies make nothing of real value without stealing patents and accepting IMF loans, buzz loudly over blood-covered dog carcasses just tortured for summer stamina meals; flies don’t effectively care for their offspring’s mental health– despite its lauded “Maggot’s Day” banking holiday.
      Think about it: flies readily huddle together in buzzing swarms imagining glorious solidarity during soccer games — until a ferry-boat sinking or building collapse reveals trusted Confucian authorities only care about themselves –and thus, needless tragedies provide another opportunity to sentimentally wallow in imagined solidarity of Baal Zebub’s fly-community.
      The question to ponder: Does Korea just need a little more education and World Bank loans? Or, is Korea a quasi-religious cult devoted to Baal-Zebub? Does Korea need education or redemption?

  2. You are 100% right. Something about Korea just sucks the life from you. I tried so hard to be happy here, but after 2 years, I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know if it is the daily berating, the rudeness, the lying, the garbage everywhere, the rude comments, the racism, the constant noise, or the pollution, but one day I just realized that I had never been so miserable. Your blog makes me realize that I am not alone. It is helping me stay sane until I can finally leave. Thank you so much. You rock!

  3. As has been pointed out here very rightly: Klown has become a religion in itself, a cult-like believe, usually only propagated by thightly-knit sects. In this sense, anything a Klown does, is religiously inspired. Be it munching kimchi, double-parking, whoring, K-pop, slurping kold koffee, exporting, ekonomik growth, humiliating underlings, licking boots, farting in public, spit-slinging in the street, pretending, blackmailing, sports, bribing, discriminating: everything is in the name of Klown, infallible Klown. Klown zeal completely clouds any human judgement, and endures the already omnipresent insular mentality. Thus, imagination and empathy are totally lacking, as a result whereof everything always has to happen on Klown conditions (“Please understand my special situation/culture.”). Psychologically, the Heremit Kingdom has never disappeared; Klowns live it every day.

  4. Thank you for not deleting my comment this time.
    (Of course, there’s no knowing whether you’ll delete this one.)

  5. Hey man, I just wanted to say that I love your blog. Describing their culture as the human centipede is spot on. Please keep the posts coming.
    How about something on Korean “bumping,” whereby they cannot fucking walk in a straight line and crash into things with a greater frequency than the ACTUAL blind people who are constantly begging for money in the subway every damn day. It’s like they actually make a conscious decision when they step out in public every day and say “fuck everyone else in the world that isn’t me.” Now they have cars, with predictable results. Giving cars to Klowns has probably contributed to a higher death toll on the peninsula than the Japanese invasions in the 1500′s and period of colonization combined. If we just wrote “Hyundai” on the side of a fucking A-bomb and dropped it into the middle of Seoul, it would probably have killed less people in total than Klowns driving in the few short decades they’ve been able to afford cars. Please understand their unique driving culture.
    I’m back home now, but I worked at a Korean university for awhile – worst experience of my life. The level of rudeness and disrespect that you get there is just as bad as any hakwon, where you’re treated like human trash that should be ‘oh so thankful’ to be fortunate enough to work in Klown. Fights with students and administrators are common, with you getting shuffled around and treated like a mentally handicapped child – because all foreigners are inferior to Klowns and need to be reminded as such. Students regularly disrespect you, skip class, lie to you, cheat on assignments, and speak to you in banmal. I lost track of how many students I threw out of class for outright rude behavior.
    That then brings in our university’s process for students to complain directly to university administrators when they have an issue – completely going over a foreign teacher’s head and complaining straight to his bosses. Yes, students are basically told by administrators that “if there is a problem with a foreign teacher, come to us first.” Predictably, this results in foreign teachers appearing to be causing more problems than is actually the case, since students immediately whine to higher-ups at the slightest indiscretion committed by a filthy foreigner. The higher-ups then (surprised that they can’t just desk-warm and play video games on Kakao all day and might actually have to work and communicate with dirty foreigners) come down on us in hilarious overly-dramatic fashion. I was chewed out once because a student skipped an exam (she told me she had other exams that week and was busy – yes, it’s fucking exam week, everyone is busy) and complained to my boss, who then blew up on me for not making special arrangements for her to make up the test. This level of disrespect would NEVER be shown to Klown professors. Maybe if we all banded together to abuse our status and power to sexually harrass students like the Klown professors do, our word would at least be more valuable than a student’s.
    That kind of behavior then leads to widespread fraud in the grading system. None of the grades are real – everything is adjusted to allow maximum Klown pass rates… gotta keep students happy and that money flowing in, otherwise university presidents won’t be able to embezzle enough to send their spoiled brats to American schools (where they’re constantly getting caught cheating Klown style, but discover that they can’t buy their way out of problems there). The grades in Klown are fake. Everything’s fake.
    Keep up the good work man. Don’t stop posting.
    PS: If I receive ONE MORE GODDAMN .HWP FILE sent to me by a Klown, I’m going to kill myself. Please understand our unique word processing program that’s not fucking compatible with ANYTHING on earth. Don’t you know the Korea? Don’t you know the .HWP? They might as well build a monument to the .HWP format right in front of the Sejong statue in the middle of Gwanghwamun, since that’s where they put the 3 other things their shitty country has managed to invent over the past 5,000 years.

      • Fuck HWP. It draws the rage out of me. I can tolerate somethings like having to flip between browser to view some Krap Web page, but HWP is a so fucking stupid. I refuse to install the the basic viewer. How can can it be that viewer with no editing comes in at 160 MB! Where the basic Windows .DOC viewer comes in at 20 MB. Talk Bloatware.
        Koreans took the wheel and after many people have started using this new wonderful wheel decided to come up with there own version. Never mind it is 5 times heavier then other wheels. Is more oval shape then round, but it is made by a Korean!
        Join the rest of the world and use PDF, DOC, XHTML, or other world wide used formats.
        I wonder how much business has been lost because some Klown business decided to send a HWP file and the possible customer or partner went fuck it and did business with someone else.

  6. I spent 4 years teaching for SMOE and although I have some great memories of the country (Jeju, some of the beaches, some of the food, the Palddang bike trail, etc.) I just cannot stand the culture or the people (although outside of Seoul, people seemed to be a little less psycho). I would go back to visit my husband’s family, but I would never live in Korea again unless it was in a nice quiet spot on the southern coast when we’re retired.

    • “Nice quiet spot” in Korea.

      That’s funny.

      You’re funny.

      I could be your agent. We could stand you up in front of a brick wall, holding a microphone, telling people about all the quiet spots in Korea. We would make a fortune and bring laughter to the world at the same time.

      • Well, there’s not a lot of them, but there are a couple quiet, empty spots around Ddangeut. But if the Klowns down there open a convenience store and sell soju, it’s done for. Those ajosshi fuckers can smell soju from a mile away.

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