GILF’s Generation

Korea. Infallible nation of wonder and caring. Promised land of modern humanity.

Korea. Sparkling.

Klowns are amazingly quick to point out others’ faults. The alacrity with which a Klown will comment on a personal flaw is astounding. There is no sense of shame or decency involved. You have grey hair? “Hey! You have grey hair!” You’re fat? “Hey! You’re fat!”

This is level of social skill exhibited by most preschoolers, still dumbfoundedly figuring out the ways of the world with a finger jammed two knuckles deep up one nostril and a bit of breakfast still smeared across the cheek. Aspergers-y, like much of Klown Kulture, though unlike Klowns, the preschooler grows out of that awkward, socially-inept stage around age 4 or 5 while the Klown remains at the same level of social development until death (generally via lung cancer, cirrhosis of the liver, traffic “accident” or the ever popular suicide). Klown Kulture is as delicate, intricate, nuanced and refined as a spastic rhinoceros playing Mozart on a baby grand piano… there’s a piano somewhere there, sure, but it’s all a pile of splinters, saliva and snapped wires. When your childhood is spent locked in a small room ticking off A, B, C or D for 15 hours a day solely to serve a standardized testing system that was developed centuries ago, your young adulthood is spent getting blackout drunk and either serving in the military or whoring yourself for a purse and your adulthood is spent in a perpetual state of hangover and company servitude or spousal loathing and shallow materialism… well that doesn’t really encourage personal development and self-actualization in the form of hobbies, friendships based on anything other than “date of manufacture” or social growth. In fact, the Klown system is set up deliberately to discourage such personal development as instances of just that upset the Human Centipede. So while human nature is to be critical and Klowns cannot be self-critical for fear of growth and development, the outlet must be to find fault with others.

Klowns are very fond of finding fault with other nationalities or ethnic groups. They do this without the ability to take any form of cultural criticism, and they do it without a whit of a care for whom their comments may offend. Of course, that makes it all the more ironic and hilarious when these fucking pieces of shit, these sacs of anal leakage, these only-useful-as-fertilizer fuckbag Klowns – kyopo or Korean – come here to attack me for criticizing Klown Kulture.  It’s “Evil Japan!” and “Dirty China!” and “Starving Africa!” and “Criminal African American Watermelon Eaters!” and “Dishonest Filipinos!” or whatever the fuck the attack is. Of course, deep down, their external criticisms are just subconsciously redirected self-criticisms. Dirty China? Have you looked out your window, Klown? There are festering piles of garbage 6 feet high that are rotting in the sun, leaking bacteria-laden juices all over the sidewalk, attracting maggots and cats, and stinking of death. Dishonest Filipinos? Look Klown, when you can learn even the most basic level of honor and ethics, come talk to me. Until then, I would most definitely trust a Filipino ten times more than a Klown to have my back. Evil Japan? Didn’t your Kulture just kill hundreds of people in the last month or two with sinking ferries and burning buildings?   Criminal African Americans? Isn’t your entire economic model built on patent infringement and IP theft? Well, it’s a waste of time to try and point this out to a Klown. As mentioned above, they utterly lack the capacity to self-reflect in this way. What most people learn as toddlers just wasn’t deemed important enough for the Klown Kultural model.

Coupled with the “everyone else is terrible” mantra is the “everything Korean is good” self-perpetuated brainwashing. It was with this century-out-of-date propaganda (literally 20s era – and think of how much the rest of the world has progressed socially over the same spread of time in comparisson to Klown) in the air that I taught some of my first classes in Korea years ago. These were classes for adults, usually in their mid-20s to mid-30s, and my job was to get them speaking. I tried to pick very general hot button topics that wouldn’t offend (for instance, I might talk about “who you want to marry” but not “how to get your girlfriend into a 3-way that involves anal sex”). One class centered around cultural differences, specifically the differences between American and Korean cultures. I posed the first open-ended questions…

Wow. I thought Americans were loudmouthed, nationalistic assholes. Us Yanks have absolutely nothing on these fucking Klowns. No contest – they win.

“Tee-chuh, Americans so selfish.”

(I have never in my life and travels encountered a social group so deeply narcissistic that self-absorption takes the form of abuse of others)

“Tee-chuh, Americans so fat.”

(Yep. Far too many Americans are fat. We also have a larger percentage of highly fit people, but an enormous demographic segment that is morbidly obese. Koreans are catching up though. As access to food changes, Koreans are proving themselves every bit as undisciplined and self-loathing as the WalMart crowd.)

“Tee-chuh, Americans so promiscuous.”

(You’re fucking kidding me, right? This kuntry has a million fucking whores! And that doesn’t count the tens of thousands of export whores around the world, nor does it take into account the young girls coerced into sex to further their career in entertainment)

“Tee-chuh, Koreansuh care for parent and family better, not like selfish American”

Oh rly?

Now at the time, new to the country and open-minded to possibilities (plus I was never much a nationalist back home), I entertained the thought that she might be right. After all, when our American relatives get too old to live alone, we send them off to a “Retirement Village”, and from stories I heard from so many Klowns, elderly and incontinent parents stay with their children until they pass away. From what I was told, the whole family bands together to financially support the elderly. It’s a regular love fest of altruism and Confucianism.

I’m also told by North Korean television that Kim Jong Il wrote hundreds of operas while juggling live grenades and riding a unicorn.

In 8 years, I have not actually met anyone who cares for an elderly relative unable to care for themselves. Not one. I have, however, met countless families where the elderly relative (who often not only keeps their own separate apartment but has paid for the child’s apartment as well) works in the child’s home like an unpaid domestic, raising (well, halfway supervising while watching the world’s worst TV programs while the kids are between hagwons and homework) grandchildren, cooking and cleaning. I haven’t actually met anyone who financially supports their parents outside of paying for a room in an old-age home or hospice. I have met many Koreans who give a small envelope of cash (I would say to alleviate guilt but I know they feel none) to the family matriarchs (usually the patriarchs have long since drunk and smoked themselves to death) on Korean “high holidays”. I’ve never, ever met any Korean who argued in favor of higher taxes to enable better care of the retired (you know, the generation who broke their backs as brainwashed slave laborers so that modern Klowns could have 3D television).

What I understand is that this familial piety and caring for one’s elders is paid lip service and nothing more. It was something practiced in past generations out of necessity, but abandoned immediately as inconvenient once other options came along. The way a Klown’s relationship with his or her parents is handled these days goes something like this:

1)   Birth to kindy is a free-for-all where there are no boundaries, no rules and only irregular and extreme consequences. Often this stage is handed off to the exhausted and jaded grandparents who are just as incapable of properly educating the little Klownlets as the generation before them was.

2)   School age is mothers and fathers finding every way possible not to have to do actual parenting. Kids are sent to academies and camps and handed off to grandparents. During this time, the middle generation earns but the retired older generation still aren’t dependents.

3)   Graduation comes after 12 years of stress (if the kid doesn’t jump off a bridge) and university is paid for by mom and dad (or grandparents as is often the case as junior Kim’s tuition was spend on designer handbags and an imported car)

4)   The kid drinks and fucks around for 4 years at a worthless university that, despite its only-in-Klown prestigee, can’t throw enough money at high level academics to make them stay in such a mockery of “higher learning”. The grandparents have now borrowed as much as they possibly can against their home, mom and dad are deeply in debt as well.

5)   Kid lives at home, leeching off the parents (who have been leeching off the grandparents and their collateral) until his or her 30s at which point they announce they are getting married to some equally, perpetually dependent Klown with no self-reliance skill whatsoever. Mom, dad and grandparents from both sides come together to pay for a home and to furnish it.

6)   The newlyweds work and spend money on BMWs and handbags until they have kids out of a sense of duty and in the face of the fact that they have no business being parents and should be sterilized. Grandma and grandpa pass away in the meantime leaving a minimal estate as their assets were all long ago leveraged for debt that was serviced for years at bare minimum payments.

7)   The next generation grandma is brought in to be the domestic, credit lines are drawn and the whole cycle starts again.

Klowns don’t have any special respect or desire to care for their elders. They like to talk shit about it, but they don’t like to walk the walk (hard to walk that far in designer heels).

Those hunchbacked 80 year olds hauling carts of cardboard for a buck per 50 kilos – don’t they have kids? But not every grandmother can haul cardboard, so what’s a grandma with thankless kunt offspring to do to make ends meet once her kids have drained her of every last asset except her physical body? Why, sell it of course!

Do you know the Korea? Do you know the Korea culture? Do you know the Korea has four seasons and very old, beautiful culture?

One of the most dominant and prevalent aspects of Klown kulture that is on full display is the selling of women’s bodies in every possible way imaginable. Prostitution is FAR more representative of Korean kulture than caring for the elderly is, most especially in modern Klown. Hell, prostitution is more a Korean kultural treasure than kimchi. There was some anger over the burning of the Namdaemun “Cultural Treasure Number One”, but that was nothing compared to the full on riotous anarchy that would ensue if prostitution were ever to be actually ended. Being that Korean culture is so old and that prostitution is such a major part of the kulture, it only makes sense to combine the two to solve the other kultural problem of forgotten elderly relatives…

This enlightening article comes from the BBC, delivering a delightful, long overdue and well-needed slap to the face of Klown culture (not that any Klown will learn anything from this other than “BBC bad, England bad, white bad!” due to the problem detailed above).   I’m going to copy-paste the text here as the article is just that damned entertaining.

 

Koreans could once be sure that their children would look after them in their old age, but no longer – many of those who worked hard to transform the country’s economy find the next generation has other spending priorities. As a result, some elderly women are turning to prostitution.

 

Kim Eun-ja sits on the steps at Seoul’s Jongno-3 subway station, scanning the scene in front of her. The 71-year-old’s bright lipstick and shiny red coat stand out against her papery skin.

 

Beside her is a large bag, from which comes the clink of glass bottles as she shifts on the cold concrete.

Mrs Kim is one of South Korea’s “Bacchus Ladies” – older women who make a living by selling tiny bottles of the popular Bacchus energy drink to male customers.

 

But often that’s not all they’re selling. At an age when Korean grandmothers are supposed to be venerated as matriarchs, some are selling sex.

 

“You see those Bacchus Ladies standing over there?” she asks me. “Those ladies sell more than Bacchus. They sometimes go out with the grandpas and earn money from them. But I don’t make a living like that.

“Men do proposition me when I’m standing in the alleyway,” she adds. “But I always say, ‘No.'”

Mrs Kim says she makes about 5,000 Won ($5, or £3) a day selling the drinks. “Drink up fast,” she says. “The police are always watching me. They don’t differentiate.”

 

The centre of this underground sex trade is a nearby park in the heart of Seoul. Jongmyo Park is a place where elderly men come to while away their sunset years with a little chess and some local gossip.

It’s built around a temple to Confucius, whose ideas on venerating elders have shaped Korean culture for centuries. But under the budding trees outside, the fumbling transactions of its elderly men and women tell the real story of Korean society in the 21st Century.

 

Women in their 50s, 60, even their 70s, stand around the edges of the park, offering drinks to the men. Buy one, and it’s the first step in a lonely journey that ends in a cheap motel nearby.

 

The men in the park are more willing to talk to me than the women.

 

Standing around a game of Korean chess, a group of grandfathers watch the match intently. About half the men here use the Bacchus Ladies, they say.

 

“We’re men, so we’re curious about women,” says 60-year-old Mr Kim.

 

“We have a drink, and slip a bit of money into their hands, and things happen!” he cackles. “Men like to have women around – whether they’re old or not, sexually active or not. That’s just male psychology.”

Another man, 81 years old, excitedly showed me his spending money for the day. “It’s for drinking with my friends,” he said. “We can find girlfriends here, too – from those women standing over there. They’ll ask us to play with them. They say, ‘Oh, I don’t have any money,’ and then they glue on to us. Sex with them costs 20,000 to 30,000 Won (£11-17), but sometimes they’ll give you a discount if they know you.”

 

South Korea’s grandparents are victims of their country’s economic success.

 

As they worked to create Korea’s economic miracle, they invested their savings in the next generation. In a Confucian society, successful children are the best form of pension (Haha).

 

But attitudes here have changed just as fast as living standards, and now many young people say they can’t afford to support themselves and their parents in Korea’s fast-paced, highly competitive society.

 

The government, caught out by this rapid change, is scrambling to provide a welfare system that works. In the meantime, the men and women in Jongmyo Park have no savings, no realistic pension, and no family to rely on. They’ve become invisible – foreigners in their own land.

 

“Those who rely on their children are stupid,” says Mr Kim. “Our generation was submissive to our parents. We respected them. The current generation is more educated and experienced, so they don’t listen to us.

 

“I’m 60 years old and I don’t have any money. I can’t trust my children to help. They’re in deep trouble because they have to start preparing for their old age. Almost all of the old folks here are in the same situation.”

 

Most Bacchus women have only started selling sex later in life, as a result of this new kind of old-age poverty, according to Dr Lee Ho-Sun, who is perhaps the only researcher to have studied them in detail.

One woman she interviewed first turned to prostitution at the age of 68. About 400 women work in the park, she says, all of whom will have been taught as children that respect and honour were worth more than anything.

 

“One Bacchus woman said to me ‘I’m hungry, I don’t need respect, I don’t need honour, I just want three meals a day,” Lee says.

 

Police, who routinely patrol the area but are rarely able to make an arrest, privately say this problem will never be solved by crackdowns, that senior citizens need an outlet for stress and sexual desire, and that policy needs to change.

 

But law-enforcement isn’t the only problem.

 

Inside those bags the Bacchus Ladies carry is the source of a hidden epidemic: a special injection supposed to help older men achieve erections – delivered directly into the vein. Dr Lee confirms that the needles aren’t disposed of afterwards, but used again – 10 or 20 times.

 

The results, she says, can be seen in one local survey, which found that almost 40% of the men tested had a sexually transmitted disease¬ despite the fact that some of the most common diseases weren’t included in the test. With most sex education classes aimed at teenagers, this has the makings of a real problem. Some local governments have now begun offering sex education clinics especially for seniors.

 

Hidden in a dingy warren of alleyways in central Seoul, is the place where these lonely journeys end – the narrow corridors of a “love motel” and one of the grey rooms which open off them.

 

Inside, a large bed takes up most of the space, its thin mattress and single pillow hardly inviting a long night’s sleep. On the bed-head is a sticker: for room service press zero; for pornography press three; and if you want the electric blanket, you’ll find the wire on the far side of the bed.

 

So here you have food, sex, and even a little warmth all at the touch of a button. If only it were that simple outside the motel room, in South Korea’s rich, hi-tech society.

 

But for the grandparents who built its fearsome economy, food is expensive, sex is cheap, and human warmth rarely available at any price.

So that’s 400 elderly women, in just the one park, selling injections with used hypos into the flaccid, undersized kocks of Klown ajosshi scum (that’s one odd style of foreplay… but seriously, what the fuck?) so the ajosshi can get their 3.8 inch stiffy into some sandpaper-lined, wrinkled granny cooch for the price of a pizza. It’s like the behavior of the most extremely desperate crack and meth addicts… but this is a park in the middle of downtown Seoul… and it’s non-drug-addicted grandmothers who need money for basic necessities and have been totally abandoned by their children.

But that’s my beef with Klown. Be what you say, or at least some reasonable facsimile. Klown is the exact fucking opposite of everything it advertises itself to be, and the more visitors say, “Hey! This wasn’t in the brochure!” the louder the Klowns scream about how everyone else is evil.

So tell me again about your beautiful four-seasoned culture, Klown. Put it up on a Time’s Square billboard please.

I’m enthralled. I’m fascinated. I’d love to hear all about it after I get this dick injection…

ggen

GILFs Generation

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33 thoughts on “GILF’s Generation

  1. I think the nationalism is one of the more sickening elements of the culture. Indeed I suppose you could call it a poison all over the world. In Korea it seems to be tied very strongly to identity. I might say I’m a Canadian with all the influences that has had on me, but I don’t feel very attached to it. Maybe I am and not really aware of it. I can see how poisonous it is when people fight over this idea, defend something they think are, thinking there is something there to protect, to be offended by or else proud of. I recall how disconsolate Korean students would be after their team lost in an international sports match. But they seemed like such sore losers and ungracious winners, I couldn’t help but enjoy seeing them lose and see how upset they were in this raging nationalism.
    The blame game and the victim mentality is all connected to this nationalism, this tribalism that is global, and goes on I suppose in every nation, but is very keenly felt there. It’s easier to see when you’re not part of it. It’s getting old. The “woe is me” mentality, the focus on being wronged, the media spotlighting foreigner crime to drum up yet more nationalistic sentiment. The tighter restrictions, the xenophobia, all that got to be too much to live in a culture that doesn’t even like your presence, that is suspicious of you, that sees you as lesser because you’re not “pure” or some bullshit.

    • All the nationalism and ‘woe is me’ BS stems from the same thing:: a massive national insecurity complex. And this massive insecurity complex stems from a long history of being a completely pathetic::

      -being smacked around by more powerful and advanced neighboring countries for most of their existence thus earning the nickname ‘Asia’s Doormat’,

      -knowing that the more competent rival nation of Japan rolled into the peninsula and said ‘this is ours and there’s nothing you peasants can do about it.’ (there wasn’t)

      – deep down knowing that the only reason Japanese occupation ever ended was because more powerful and advanced nations defeated Japan in WWII.

      – knowing that after the Japanese were chased out, the fate of the Korean peninsula was not up to them, but decided on by more powerful and advanced nations (USA, China, Russia) who divided the great nation of Korea into two, basically for no other reason other than they wanted to.

      – deep down knowing that after North Korea’s Eternal President invaded the South, backed by more powerful and advanced nations (China and Russia), they had absolutely zero chance of making it through the war without the help of another more powerful and advanced nation (USA).

      – deep down knowing that if it wasn’t for the military prowess of a more powerful and advanced nation (USA), the whole peninsula would be what you see today in North Korea (poorest nation is the world).

      – deep down wishing that the great peninsula could be reunified, and that the only reason the North and South (who are constantly at odds and will never be reunified) were divided in the first place is because more powerful and advanced nations decided to.

      – deep down knowing that Korea is just a geographical phallus jutting off of mainland China, and when you boil it down, Koreans are just Chinese people displaying autistic traits due to generations of inbreeding. And finally,

      – average penis size

      Most of the younger generation doesn’t actually know/acknowledge these things (well, except that last one), but the older generations, the Koreans who were around before Seoul became the world’s biggest plastic toy store, do. They’ve passed this massive national insecurity complex down to their offspring, who are subconsciously passing it down to their offspring. The nationalism lives on through the younger generation, despite them not understanding why.

  2. damn. that is an eye-opening article from the BBC; i had no idea. tnx for it. also, many truths in the life cycle you describe. many koreans would admit they agree–just not publicly nor to outsiders.

  3. Man, I have to give it to ya~~ I was harsh and lacked understanding a while back, but please allow me to retract it all. Humbly~
    Brilliantly written. Brilliantly observed. Brilliantly elucidated~ Much more nuanced and subtle than your earlier posts, if I may say – and much more ACCURATE, to boot; as a previous comment said: You really do care behind it all~ THAT’S clear~
    It’s one fucked up place, is Korea; and I hail from a shitty working class suburb in a shitty working class city that I struggled for years to get out of – and away from – but I’ve never experienced anything like the denial and sheer human misery of this place – once you get a glimpse behind the shinee, newee, facade-ee, that is. And I think you snatch (are gifted with?) those glimpses more often than most…
    Sure. Good money – if you look for it – and good food, if you pay for it…..but at what (spiritual?) cost? And, I always remember when dealing with some elderly peasant/ess who happens to be rude to me (looks at me like I’m from Mars) on the street, or whatever, that he/she/it is considered EVEN MORE of a freak show by young and ‘educated’ Koreans than EVEN I will EVER be…..
    ….and at least, as a foreigner, I have the option of splitting!! They, sure as Jesus, don’t – be they young and ‘educated, OR peasants….God bless ‘em.
    Weird!!
    What’s that line from Apocalypse Now? ‘The HORROR~~’
    Keep it up – and I don’t mean with skanked up ajosshi bacchus hahahahahahahah!!

  4. I always notice an overwhelming amount of elderly Koreans riding the subway, especially during the hot summer months. Why is that? Can you elaborate on that?

    • 1. They can ride the subway for free
      2. They don’t want to be a burden on their kids, so they’ll go out in the morning, ride Line 2 in circles for hours on end, and come home in the evening.
      3. The subway always has air conditioning.

      • In a society where a lot of smack is talked about how venerated and honored the elderly are, they sure are thrown (often quite literally) into the gutter when their usefulness to a Klown has elapsed.

        They ride the free, air conditioned trains because Klown is a heaping, steaming, Colo-rectal-causing pile of hypocritical shite.

        If you aren’t lending money or working as a virtual domestic/laborer slave, you are valueless in Klown kulture.

      • A much older tradition of Klown culture was to simply take one’s grandparents to a mountain and seal them up in a cave to die.

      • I’d doubted the bit about taking the parents up a mountain to leave them for dead, but I finally got a chance to catch up on the newspapers this morning, lo and behold, I saw this:
        “In Korea, there are nicknames for parents like Lee. One is “poor after bequeathment.” A more brutal nickname is the “new generation of goryeojang,” coined after a custom during the Goryeo Dynasty (918-1392) in which children carried their old and useless parents deep into the mountains and left them to die.”
        Hear hear. Thank you for the history lesson, Joongang Daily.
        “Overly trusting parents sue their disloyal kids”
        from the Korea Joongang Ilbo
        http://bit.ly/1nozNF1

  5. Fucking fantastic read.
    So true and right on the nail.
    I can’t wait for the Koreaboo retards to come whining.

    • They wouldn’t be Kaptain Klown: Defenders of the Han if they didn’t.

      “Korea good! Everyone else bad! Caveman think! Ugh! ”

      It just wouldn’t be klownisms with the idiot Klowns coming to ignore all logic and issue death threats

  6. (Great post, Mr. Blogger)

    “You have grey hair! Hey! You have grey hair!” says the Korean frankly.
    It’s curious since Korean students would never blurt out such a direct statement to a middle-aged Korean. (Remember, Korea is about Asian subtlety, saving face, and ambiguity in communication?)

    Is it possible that behind the apparent inept social judgment of all-too frankly speaking Koreans is a subtle message? Such as the following: “Get the f**k out of our country before you become a medical problem. We don’t want to deal with your awkward carcasses rotting on our steel tables in “Korean only” morgues!”

    The Korean “English teaching” system is designed to attract cheap, expendable, TEMPORARY foreigners looking for a short-term adventure or an exotic bullet point on the resume. If you are a career minded teacher looking for a home– don’t waste your energies. Foreigners–who thought they found a refuge country to put down roots–find their souls insidiously disintegrating without any identifiable reason– excepting the obvious boorish peasantry gnawing at one’s soul. Is it possible, however, that behind the toothy smiles of welcoming Korean students and adults eager to tell foreigners about Korea’s four-seasons, is a hidden deep nausea at the contemptible sight of the foreign presence? The reality is Korea exudes a subtle, slow-kill anti-biotic atmosphere toxic to competing foreign organisms within their petri dish homeland. Korean solicitations to “Teach in Sparkling Korea” can rightly be viewed as a fraudulent “bait-and-switch operation” for unwitting economic boat refugees fleeing the imploding West. Beware economic boat refugees! Korea is a spider web: it will insidiously trap you, suck out your soul, and spit you out. And that’s one of Korea’s good points.

    • If you are a fat, bucktoothed girl with terrible B.O. and the social skills of a mutt in heat, would you want to have to look at attractive women all day?

      The analogy isn’t meant to suggest foreigners in Korea are attractive women (quite the contrary), but rather to suggest that the anti-foreigner hate, like was written in the post above, is really self-loathing.

      Seeing civilized, socially-competent people walking around is just a constant reminder for the Klowns of everything they aren’t.

      • I believe you are spot-on regarding the self-loathing behind Korea’s malevolent ethnic “pride.”

  7. You once mentioned the sexual objectification of minors in a post – I thought it was particularly astute, and primarily concerned with young females. That was my impression, anyway. I have been looking forward to you writing more about that.
    I’m trying now to understand your assertion that foreign women in Korea are predominantly unattractive. I’ve met a bunch foreigners here that I haven’t personally found appealing, but I think that’s life anywhere. I’ve seen the assertions that white foreign men in Korea couldn’t get a girl back home…. yada yada yada. I’ve also seen the assertion on the part of foreign males that the foreign women here are fat, ugly losers. Mostly, those arguments and assertions don’t interest me. Coming from you, I’d like to understand your thoughts more clearly. It’s a baby and bath water sort of dilemma going on in my head. Thanks

    • The pedo obsession here in Klown will most definitely be addressed in the future. It’s coming, just not sure when I’ll have the time.

      As for western women in Korea being unattractive… well, that’s just one man’s (not so) humble opinion. Klown is a soul-destroying social wasteland for men, but for women it is a hundred times worse. It takes a certain kind of woman to stay here longer than half a contract cycle, none of which I’d consider romantically attractive. They break down (for me), like this:

      1) E2 visa holders who studied Korea and Kpop and all things asinine and irrelevant before flying to Klown. No amount of physical beauty could make this person attractive. Just plain bad genes.
      2) Corporate world women who are only here for business. These women absolutely must be hardcore to work through the pig farm patriarchy of Klown Korporations. No room for romance in there.
      3) Women married to Korean men.
      4) Long term (multi-contract) ESLers who have been here for at least a few years but aren’t Kpop bubble heads. Is it low self-esteem? Do you just love the stench? Are you as bitter and jaded as I am? Do you like getting leered at and pawed over by every fuckbag Klown ajosshi from your landlord to your boss to your taxi driver? Whatever is said about the suspect reasons for male westerners to remain in Klown long-term, long term women on E2s are 10 times more suspect.
      5) Morbidly obese women. I mean, this is true back home as well, but generally western women globally have a much higher rate of obesity compared to a lot of other women. The lack of decent food (thus a heavy reliance on fried chicken), coupled with cheap beer combined with the ceaseless efforts of Klowns to try and “ride the white horse” (which involves eating out and drinks) probably don’t help. Not all western women in Klown are obese, but it seems an inordinately high percentage of them are… maybe it’s just because they are standing next to rail-thin bulemics?
      6) Overly-aggressive “conquer the world” types who seem more like militant lesbians on a march than English teachers for kids. these are usually type 4s. Last fucking thing I want while in Klown is more shout-talking and aggression. Chill, Winston.

      I guess I just default to a position of suspicion and cynicism with all things and people in Klown, and western women just get lumped in there. Who knows? Maybe they are all “Dolly”s and “Joan”s… but that hasn’t been my experience

      • When Dolly has your baby, I’ll help out. Dolly can lay on a hot floor for three weeks eating seaweed soup and growing a beard while you work a few more extra classes to pay for designer onesies. If it’s a good baby, I’ll throw on my ajumma pants, tuck it into my back fat, and take it for walks or rides on the bus and subway. I’ll linger over sewer grates and in elevators at 10am when ajosshi is headed in to the office, just to accelerate the little turd’s adjustment to aromatic wonderland. I can teach the baby phonics, how to play safely by the escalator while Dolly is on the phone, and the bend and snap. It can soak in my tub from which the plug has decidedly not been pulled. If it’s a bad baby, I can hang it upside down, beat it with a big stick, and we can split the profits.

      • Or there’s women like me. My husband and I came to Korea together. We both would have rather gone to Japan, but their requirements are much tighter and he only made the waitlist, and I have no prior teaching credentials and wouldn’t have been able to teach there at all. I was still able to teach here and bring in more money because I have a completely irrelevant-for-this-job Bachelor’s degree.
        I love your cynicism, by the way. You feel like a kindred spirit. I’ve only been here a little under 3 years, but this place has worn on me something fierce. We’re leaving in August and the days cannot count down fast enough.

  8. A lot has changed over 17 years, but that is all superficial. I arrived in Korea about 17 years ago. I’m no longer there, but I guess it left it a mark on me. I’d like to drop any concern with a country I will never go back to. It’s no good to carry around this burden. I still have a reaction to mentions of the country, years after leaving. I lived in China afterwards. I don’t feel bothered by that, though it was a shorter time. In China there was a sense of how large and populous that nation is, and the backwater rube staring was sort of acceptable I suppose. It just never felt right in Korea and that is hard to explain. I guess I ought to move on. It’s childish of me to take pleasure in this blog, but I look forward to the next castigation. Brutal but not wrong.

  9. Klowns should put up another huge Times Square add, stating the global importance of this kulturally unique aktivity: if u are kraving for komfort, kome to Klown. Imagine all that fermented bush down there. Makes u want to take the first plane to Seoul. This ekstraordinary sexperience is only sekond to bimimbarf.

    • Well it’s a niche market for sure.

      SE Asia has the underagers market cornered, perhaps with an aging population and no workable economic model for the future, granny cooch could be just the ticket.

      • Now the granny segment is kovered, Klown kould turn the domestik komfort sektor into a real engine of ekonomik growth by inkluding the underaged. Just the prospekt of it would make many an ajossi boner go beyond three inches.

    • It’s amazing, the difference between armchair defender kyopos with little to no experience of actual life in Korea, screaming through their keyboards from the comfort of an American suburb, and the kyopos who have actually witnessed backwards Korean society firsthand, are actually in touch with reality, and are embarrassed to be associated with the behavior around them.

  10. To whoever writes this blog:
    Hey, go back to Britain.
    (That’s where you’re from isn’t it?)
    And stop trying to pass yourself off as an American, cause you ain’t one.
    Frankly I find your behavior disgusting. Trying to hide behind Americans, and making them look bad.
    (Oh, and don’t even think about going back and editing your posts to make them sound more “American”. I saved everything to my computer.)

    • There is just so much wrong with the above comment that I don’t know where to start. A stern warning to you young women out there having unprotected, premarital sex: “jk641” is what happens when you miss with the coat hanger and just end up taking out a chunk of the brain.

      1) I love the original, requisite use of “go back to your country”. As you’re most likely a kyopo posting out of Jersey, you must have heard the expression growing up and thought it clever, right? I suppose your use of it here doesn’t strike you as ironic at all…

      2) Frankly, i find your posting functionally retarded. I’m amazed you were able to mash your splayed fingers against the keyboard and bang out the above without injuring yourself. I’m all for integrating the developmentally delayed into regular society, but seriously, giving you access to a computer was a big mistake.

      3) You find my behavior disgusting? But yet you’ve saved the entire blog to your computer. I bet you have about 100gb of kiddie porn on your hard drive too… because you find it so ‘disgusting’. GET A FUCKING JOB. Stop leeching off mommy and daddy, posting retarded dribble shit like the above online and go get a fucking job. Strap that padded helmet on and log off.

      Just when I get to thinking, “God damn these Klown fucks couldn’t possibly come up with anything less intelligent and more hypocritcal…” along comes a short-bus riding kyopo (again) to take it to a new level.

      Hey buddy, you appear to be a big fan of all things disgusting. Want to see something really and truly disgusting? Something repulsive and revolting? Come for a walk with me around my neighborhood here in Klown on a Friday night. Since you live in the States and probably have never even visited Klown, you aren’t able to revel in the new levels of disgusting you’ll find here. You can bring a camera, save the photos to your computer. You’ll love it.

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