Klown Komments 2

I forgot about this one since it was a bit old.  Genius commenter “Jenny” reminded me of it….

Original comment from “Curious”:

Actually, I’m sure the Korean authorities – cybercrime, if not Korean intelligence, even – would be very interested in taking a look at this blog~ That’s if, they haven’t already. I would if I were them, take a look, that is, and all it would then take is a phone call, or two, to find out who this guy really is.

Of that, I’m sure..

They might want to know who this guy really is simply because of the fact that he is – probably – in a classroom somewhere ‘teaching’ Korean children. (Rather than, say, them just taking a dislike to what’s written; which, in itself, is offensive enough, even if one isn’t Korean. But, I’m sure they’re more professional than that.)

I’m reminded of the tone of that angry Aussie – or is he a Kiwi? (eek! God forbid!) – who cruises around looking for, and filming, examples of bad driving, and then posts it up on YouTube!! Check him out, he even uses profanity in front of his kids; who are in the car with him. Nicely simmering in Daddy’s anger~ Oof! And it’s not nice, Daddy’s anger, I can assure you of that.

Guys, it’s the same in any country! If you run with the bottom dogs, you’re only gonna get three outcomes: Paws, Claws and Assholes..

Live a little! Use the higher functions, and drop the hate. The stuff that’s being posted here is just plain nasty to the extreme, no matter what kind of ‘Korean experiences’ you guys have had!

Salaam, brothers~~

To which I replied:


So let me get this straight. You think that the Korean legal authorities, specifically Korean “Intelligence” and cybercrimes should make my blog a priority. I mean, because obviously and first of all, fuck freedom of speech, am I right? But seriously, rather than doing things like bringing safety standards up to early-20th century levels, vetting transportation systems and parts providers for things like subways and nuclear power plants, rather than ensuring that bare minimum building codes are adhered to to prevent roof collapses, rather than stem the flow of bribes that guarantee lack standards and near-zero prosecution for offenders, rather than trying to stop the rampant child sex trafficking, rather than trying to reduce global-high suicide rates, rather than getting even one city street free of garbage and food remains, rather than trying to reduce TB rates to levels lower than impoverished third-world holes, rather than dealing effectively with the Norks to ensure the safety of their civilians… the Korean authorities should divert manpower, thought and resources to MY BLOG, because there is nothing, and I MEAN NOTHING more important than making sure that Western pieces of shit (to whom they owe the very fact that they do not live in Stalinist prison camps or under Japanese rule today) never, EVER reveal that Korea is not a first-world tourist magnet. My meaningless commentary on the social failures of a country dripping with social failure (the fixing of which is far less a priority than stopping AIDS-riddled foreigners from talking about it is) is clearly, obviously something that needs looking into. I mean, fuck it, let’s just grind the entire government to a halt, petition wordpress through the courts to reveal my gmail address to trace back to either the neighbor’s unsecured wifi I piggyback on or the local coffee shop, pull CCTV feeds and put up posters to find ME… and charge me with… “being an asshole”?

You sir, are a natural born Klown. That is exactly the kind of head-in-sphincter logiK that I talk about here. You should be the head of some Klown government office, or a Klown newspaper or principal of a public school. Your complete willingness to ignore actual problems to focus angrily on annoyances and malcontents is Klown-spiring. Never mind that there are no rights being violated here, or laws broken, but just the fact that I would dare criticize Kim Jong Eun… oh shit, sorry, thought I was in North Korea for a moment… I mean the Klown way of life completely justifies violating my rights and breaking laws. Bravo sir, bravo. You are a Klown amongst Klowns. A leader of the pig-folk.

“Of that I’m sure…”

As for teaching kids… Even if I were at my most critical in front of my students I promise you they would still be far better of than with most of the ajosshi scum that work in my school. These Klowns make shit up regularly because they have no knowledge. They pollute their students in a million different ways, and they lack any ability to be self-critical. At least they get from me what a student should always get from a teacher – the truth. Besides, if my public school gig was cancelled (which they might do as a kontract in this country is more valuable as toilet paper than as a legal document), there would be plenty of other places more than willing to hire me… I mean sure I have experience and I’m pretty good at what I do, but I have a white face, and that is 99% of what any prospective Klown employer sees: white, not too old, not fat, no weird piercings = hired.. because that is the level of respect that Klown schools give to their students. They couldn’t give less of a fuck about the quality of education the kids are receiving just so long as they are attending and paying tuition or afterschool fees. But no, obviously you;re right, I’M the bad guy. Klown logiK bests me again.

The YouTube driving videos… well, that isn’t me in the vids, sorry to disappoint, but I have watched them. I can’t say I’m a big fan of the profanity in front of the kids… but I’m wondering why THAT was your main takeaway from those videos? Klowns are repeatedly trying to kill him and his children in the videos and what you focus on are the swear words he uses when his life is put at risk by someone the Klown authorities couldn’t possibly be bothered to train or clear as a safe driver (too busy tracking down expat bloggers no doubt)?

As for hate, hate is a justifiable and valid human emotion, particularly when someone or something is bad and deserves that hate. Hate is a derivative of fear. The things that I hate are the things I fear will either kill me (horrible drivers, sinking ferries, collapsing roofs, unsafe medicines, communicable diseases etc) or ruin me in other ways (going deaf, violation of employment contracts, rancid filth on every sidewalk and every street every single place I go etc).

But obviously you raging against hateful people is more than a little bit hypocritical, wouldn’t you say?

I mean, you go out to expat blogs that are angry and venting at the multiple violations of human decency that surround them, then you get angry and vent at them. So telling my readers to “use the higher functions and drop the hate” is disingenuous and lacking (in true Klown fashion) any and all self-awareness.

You are either:
(a) a Korean gyopo/returnee (I’d say the latter based on your repetitive and awkward use of the the same “of that I’m sure” expression) who felt culturally alienated and misplaced while in the west and who has returned to Korea with eyes on a fresh, non-social-outcast future. That Klowns are impressed by the sideshow-like novelty of your time abroad for 5 minutes and that girls might actually not look away in disgust the minute you approach has encouraged you to become Kaptain Han, Defender of True Korea. You either teach English (welcome to the Klub) or work at some relative’s kompany getting paid to play smartphone games all day (must be nice). You can’t fucking stand that anyone, especially some fucking gojang-ii, would ruin this deluded image you’ve painted over the reality before you because this place is your last hope….
(b) a non-Korean Koreaboo kunt. While Klown is a shithole with more social holes to patch than a pasta strainer, you don’t feel like the complete and utter loser you were back home. To show appreciation for this kuntry and its people that are so willing to overlook your glaring shortcomings so long as you bow and say something nice about Korea and eat their peasant food with a grin, you must attack anyone who might rip off the rose-colored glasses. You’ve likely wasted hundreds of hours learning Korean to a level where you are basically a party favor, pulled out to entertain but never taken seriously. You probably make about the same salary I do, but you think you’re special and successful. Some curious K-girl let you feel her up one time and now you’ve got it in your head that you’re the shit.

Fuck you.

If you really love this country, GO FUCKING FIX IT. That you are spending your time scrounging the internet, listing off Korean-unfriendly blogs on Marmot’s Hole or rokdrop instead of identifying and suggesting solutions for problems plaguing Korea proves that you do not have any love for this country, you just have a love of being a fucking asshole. And I can understand being an asshole. The difference between you and me is that I’m not trying to claim to be anything else. I’m an asshole, and that’s that. You, on the other hand, are a self-deluding, hypocritical asshole who hasn’t yet come to terms with your assholery. Come out of the closet asshole. Embrace your true self. Stop hiding behind this Defender of the Han bullshit and come to terms with the fact that you are hateful fuck and that that hate is fueled by fear – fear that someone is going to burst the little bubble you have protecting yourself from the reality of Klown.”

I really wanted to write something about Korean weddings or the boundary issues Klowns seem to suffer from, but just haven’t had the time.  And for those of you waiting for the “Kaucasian Klowns” post, I’m sorry you’ll just have to keep waiting as that one can’t just be fired off simply.

Try not to slip in some food garbage or phlegm.  Try not to get run over by a black sedan, taxi or bus.  Try not to lose your cool and choke a fucking ajosshi until his filthy fucking peasant face turns purple and he at long last stop shouting and spitting.  Maintain that Zen.  If you need help, start a vent blog.

It helps.

A bit.

Point A to Point K

“Oh Mr. K, you’re so negative,” said several kommenters like “The Boss” (scoff), “You’re going to find the ugliness because you’re looking for it!  You WANT to hate Korean culture!  You have a single-minded obsession with seeking out and criticizing Korean culture!”

Kommenters like this, as well as those by the ajoshhi Kock-sucking Krew over at Dave’s and Marmot’s, are made with a great, enormous effort to be willfully ignorant of the environment around them.

Klown Pig Wanna Be Koreaboo

Koreaboo Klown – Most Koreaboo Klowns are less clean shaven, far less muscular and have about 50 pounds more fat

No.  No, you Klown nuthugger fucks, no.

I don’t WANT to see any of the shit I write about.  I would like to be able to enjoy this kuntry I live in and to feel some small semblance of peace here.

I don’t go out looking for Klownisms, they are literally everywhere.  In every corner of the Kuntry.  On every street.  In every building.  On every corner.  There is no place of refuge.  Not even in my home.

Any trip from Point A to Point B, no matter how seemingly small or insignificant, ends up being a trip from Point A to Point K (or more appropriately Point K to Point K).

Say I’m heading out to the supermarket.

I’ll exit my front door and find a plastic bag with molding, retch-inducing, half-eaten food on plastic plates – the remains of someone’s delivery meal which wasn’t put out in a timely fashion or wasn’t picked up for some other reason.

food garbage deliveryKorea is so fucking awesome!  My neighbors want to share!

Then I walk down the hall to the elevator.  In apartment 666, Mrs. Kim and her litter of Klownlets are having a meal.  There is non-stop screaming and shouting.  There are plates crashing.  There is running and crying.  Even when the little piglets’ faces are crammed full of compost – sorry, traditional Korean ‘food’ – they don’t even shut the fuck up for a second.

Klown Kids Eating

Meal time at Mrs. Kim’s

I get to the elevator, which has some fucked up programming which causes indecisiveness as to which floor gets which car, so I stand there for a good long while.  From the stairwell, with the door wide open, I get the delightful smell of cigarette smoke – both old and new – from my Klown neighbor who has decided that his own growing cancerous tumor just isn’t enough.

Klown Pig Smoking

Thanks Mr. Lee!

Once I get on the elevator, I note that someone has cleared their throat down deep into his or her befouled Klown lungs and spat with full force on the mirror (that was this week, last week it was the floor selector buttons).  The blast of phlegm congealed, rolled a little ways down the mirror, dripped a bit onto the hand rail that kids are supposed to use, then dried into some kind of abstract Klown art.

In the lobby, there is a shouting match happening between Mr. Park, the unemployed ajosshi fuck who is always drunk by noon and Mr. Kim, the building “security” guard who must be at least 157 if I’m reading his head liver spots like tea leaves correctly.  What are they screaming at each other about in the middle of the lobby of a building that houses hundreds of people being far, far overcharged for their apartments?  Could be which corner is best suited for Mr. Park’s delivery of dried weeds.  Could be how many lightbulbs are on in the lobby.  Could be who did their military service earlier.  Could be about who had the most foul kimchi stink.  Regardless, it was nothing that needed to be screamed at each other as all the paying residents came and went.


Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

My ears still echoing from the second auditory assault in under 5 minutes (I have not even left my building at this point), I exit the front door, stepping over a puddle of dribble spit right in the middle of where everyone needs to walk.  Glancing around I see that there are at least a dozen similar piles in a ten meter radius.  This is, I assume, to enhance the decor of Street Litter Chic that uber-modern Korea is going for… some glistening, quivering mucus to, you know, to make it more literally “sparkling”.

spit pile

TB anyone?

Finally I’m out of the building.  It can only get better from here, right?  I mean, in the 50 meters or so I’ve walked since leaving my apartment door, I’ve seen some horrific, Apocalypse Now level savagery, so it stands to reason that the environment will only get more civilized from here… right?

I cross the courtyard and past the local bar.  It is full of screaming, shouting, spitting, hawrking, swearing, red-faced Klowns screaming in each others faces jovially until the veins in their scrawny necks pop out.

Klown Pigs BarI pause to murmur a wish that they all simultaneously have anuerisms and die.  The precedent has been established for burying pigs alive in mass graves here in Klown, so maybe we could dispose of the ajosshi in a similar fashion (but being civilized we’ll wait until they have the aneurism first).

pigs_buried_alive4Next to the bar is a cell phone store which has decided to compete with the din of the bar by jacking up the speakers they have set up outside.  These speakers are blasting a mix of K-pop garbage and American hip-hip with explicit lyrics, all directly underneath the living room windows of several dozen families.  Why?  Because fuck everyone else.  Please understand my unique situation.  At least the doumi girls, room salon rejects who need to layer jobs as I do, humilating themselves in metallic skirts in the day, then sucking ajosshi spunk at night… stacking those jobs so as to leave the least amount of possible time for self-loathing and stewing in the realization of what their lives have become and the shit pile of human misery and sadism in which they live.  Sparkling.

I pass the local math hagwon, where, in defiance of all research and studies by much, much smarter people, the kids are made to study for blocks of 3 and 4 hours straight.  Welcome to the least efficient nation on Earth, especially when it comes to edumakation.

Klown Pig Klassroom“2+2=5 you fucking sheep”

Rather than risk my life driving the roads that have OECD-leading accident and fatality rates, I decide I’ll take the subway.  As I cross the street I narrowly avoid getting run over not once, but twice.  The first time by some ajumma kunt in a gigantic black sedan.  Now, if you aren’t comfortable behind the wheel of a car, which in a city as densely populated as Seoul is a multi-ton machine of death, why the everloving fuck would you buy the largest, most unwieldy, most difficult to maneuver tank available?  If you don’t know how to fucking park, you should not be driving a APC down a city street, especially not when you are (a) 5 foot nothing and can’t see over the dash and (b) watching soap operas on the DMB while texting.  The second time was by some inbred ajosshi fuck driving a Bongo truck with a loudspeaker mounted to the roof.  This loudspeaker was connected to a recording advertising whatever the fuck this cleft-palate-having, brain-shunt wearing fuck was selling, and was blaring said advertising message out, over and over at full volume, up and down residential streets.  Rolling this truck down the streets of urban Chicago would have ended rather quickly in a homicide.  I would have heard the truck coming if my ears hadn’t still been ringing from the tinnitus I suffered on my way out of house this far.  I haven’t made it 500m from my home and I’ve already been deafened, attacked with biological weapons and nearly run over – twice.

I figure I’m safe on the other side of the street, so I climb the stairs to the pedestrian overpass to get to the subway.  Unfortunately, there was a light shower of rain a mere 15 minutes before.  Normally, a bit of rain on the ground wouldn’t mean much, but this small drizzle was enough to re-moisten the multiple gobs of phlegm that had been expectorated all over the wooden boards of the overpass walkway.  Now it’s a skating rink.  I’m slipping and sliding.  I see a Klown plastic surgery princess coming the other way in “kill heels” and a skirt so short that only hookers wear them in the real world.  You know the Klown plastic surgery whore type, right?  They don’t look human.  They have taken body dysmorphia to a new level and institutionalized it as a nationally-encouraged “style”.  It’s a cross between Alien Autopsy and a Japanese life-size fuck doll.  These surgeries cost many tens of thousands of dollars.  How do you think these are paid for?  I’ll give you a hint.  It isn’t working 9-5 for the US equivalent of $1500 a month.

In a kulture where human decency is absent and where respect and dignity not only have no value, but are actually seen as weaknesses who would be shocked that 20-year-old women – not to mention their father-age customers – would see prostitution (for ridiculously low prices due to a flooded market) and a sacrifice of any meaningful future they may have had as perfectly acceptable?  Remember that these women are not chemically dependent, which is the norm for western whores.  And there are a million of them.  Sparkling.

Plastic Surgery Klown Pig

Plastic Surgery Whores.  Chances are you know one.

Ask her “how much”?  Bet you get an answer.

I get into the subway station alive and unharmed by some miracle of Korean God and make my way through the turnstiles.  Have you ever seen bait worms in a bucket?  I mean like a few hundred of those fuckers, squirming and teeming and writhing all over each other with blind abandon?  That’s a subway station in Klown.  Stupid fucking me – when I moved here from Chicago, a city with a population of about 3 million and a metro population of just under 10 million, to Seoul, a city with a metro population of 21 million (good for 2nd globally and just ahead of Mexico City), I thought that there would be, for the sake of sheer sanity, better self-organization and adherence to unspoken codes of civility.  Ha-fucking-ha-fucking-HA!  Klowns have quite deliberately gone the opposite direction, ensuring that any movement they make is both illogical and inconvenient to others.  Every Fucking Movement.  Walking, driving, biking, pushing a stroller, pulling a cart, crawling, fucking rolling down a hill – if a Klown is doing it, it is guaranfuckingteed to fuck up any logical path of movement you were thinking of making.  It’s like playing the world’s most fucking random and unbeatable video game.  And in the face of this, I enter the subway station.

Klown pigs Subway RushhourI decide I’m going to head to the big market in the city center.  Why am I such a fucking masochist?  I put in my headphones, but invariably some fucking ajosshi stink-breath kunt Klown fuck invades my personal space – which is held sacred in most places on the globe but sure as fuck not in Klown – asking me random questions like where I’m from, do I teachee the Englishee, do I want to beat his fucking skull in with a wine bottle (yes)?  Buy a ticket like the rest fucker.  The plastic surgery whore sure ain’t giving out free BJs.  I didn’t move to the asshole of the “civilized” world to volunteer.  You’ve already had more than your fair helping of free American aid and money, just let me get to the goddamned fucking supermarket in fucking peace to buy some fucking food you class-less motherfucker.  Oh yeah, and brush your fucking teeth once a fucking week you fuck.

I get to the downtown core and step out, once again, into the slaughterhouse troughs.  Escaping into fresh (?) air, I see a bunch of my second favorite people – Koreaboos.  You see, Koreaboos are what Americans might call “losers”.  These socially-retarded fucks, like the kind that speak about themselves in the third person (and claim to be ‘world travellers’ when they are ten-year veteran waiters who escaped to Klown to swing foam nunchuks around, call themselves “writers” and pretend that anyone gives a shit about them or will attend their funeral – this guy is a seriously arrogant self-loathing bag of festering kunt juice), will sometimes gather together in groups and celebrate their Klowniness.  “Look at us!” they will shout, “Western society rejected us so we’ve thrown our lot in with in with the short-bus-riding crowd! Derpa!”

Koreaboo Klown Pigs party

Koreaboo Wanna-be Klowns gather to abandon logic and basic human decency in order to get the approval mommy, daddy and the school bully never gave them back home.

As I cross the busy square towards the supermarket I see yet another protest.  Once again, it is populated by university age Klowns who have no fucking clue what they are protesting against.  These fucking morons aren’t able to locate globally-relevant countries like Israel and Somalia on a map of the world (a labelled fucking map mind you), but are out in force protesting what they have been told are global miscarriages of justice.

Fuck. You.  You are ten times worse than the unwashed nouveau hippy fuckers in college back home.  At least they had some semblance of global knowledge.  These Klown fucks probably still need mommy to remind them to change underwear.  Nonetheless they will get “violent” and turn over a police bus or two.  It will literally take a hundred and fifty of them to do it, but gosh darn it they will.  The ‘military’ will come in and move them out.  What a fucking joke.  The only reason the Klown “military” is able to accomplish anything at all is that the Klowns they are trying to maneuver are equally Klownish and incompetent.

soldier guides klown pigsI move past the Klown K-pop wannabes who worship a musical culture that is based entirely on ripping off American artists.  They are the same ones attending the anti-America protest.  I guess I should be glad I didn’t get acid thrown in my face or mob-attacked by small-testes Klowns who lack the courage and ability to fight man-to-man.

Hip Hop Style Klown PigYo! Yo!  What’s happening my nigga?  I’m so black, yo!  But seriously, if you’re black stay away from me because I hate you and fear you.”

I stop to get some street “food” from a local street vendor.  He is sanitary and personable as always.

Klown Pig Cook“Bacteria-ridden Dukkbokki for you!”

I’m not even at the store yet.  Forget about the journey home.  I catch yet another whiff of raw sewage wafting up from grates in the streets, a constant reminder that I ain’t in Kansas no more.  I pause and do a 360 panorama.  Everywhere I look, in every single fucking direction, are atrocities of the spirit.  Abuse is just a way of life here.  One needn’t look for it – it’s almost impossible to ignore.

Mexico City may be impoverished, not having benefited from the constant deluge of American money as Klown has, but the people there have something Klowns will never, ever have – pride.  And I don’t mean the kind of pride that has them buy a red shirt every four years, I mean the kind that has them keep their fucking filth and phlegm and trash and feces off the sidewalk.  I’m talking about communal pride and decency – a basic sense of “this is my home, this is my land, this is worth something”.  I’ve been to a few countries that are fiscally much poorer than Korea per capita, but in terms of civility they are far, far richer.

Klowns want to be Klowns.  It’s in their kulture.  It’s in their nature.  The results of this are plain to see.

Your disingenuous “surprise” at my ability to find – let alone my being enraged by – the non-stop, wall-to-wall, endless wave after wave of pig farm filth that this city and country are deliberately awash in – is bullshit self-delusion for some odd purpose.  I suspect you are just weak-minded and need to drink the Kool-aid.  Like a toothless redneck hillbilly backwash inbred fuck with 6 cars on blocks, rusting out in the front yard, you can’t begin to grasp the realities of Klown kulture or the reasons behind the klownisms – well, can’t or won’t.  The reality is too ugly.  You’d rather remain in the delusion like a padded-cell dweller refusing meds.   It’s all “it isn’t that bad” or “it’s bad elsewhere too” (as if that excuses anything) or “I just try to understand their unique situation and culture” (fuck you fuck you fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou fuuuuuuuuck youuuuuu).

That, or you were such a colossal social and personal failure back in your home country that any amount of approval and praise, such as the meaningless, empty pat-on-the-head bullshit that Klowns spew at you (which you think is to build you up, but really is to make themselves feel better-endowed) is enough to have your tongue out, tail wagging, crouched in a squirrel sit waiting for a Milk Bone.  Or an ajosshi 3.8-inch boner.  You’re in good kompany though.  The Ajosshi Kock-sucking Krew is always looking for new members!

samcockinmouthUnkle Sam Wants YOU!

Klown Komments 1

I think I’ll start putting up some particularly Klownish Komments and my responses to flesh out a blog I otherwise have little time to maintain.

This was in response to my Kommunity and Kollectivism post:


k641 on June 20, 2014 at 6:32 pm said: Edit

Dear blog owner,

You keep harping about the lack of trash cans in Korea’s streets.
I just wanted to say that this is not because Koreans dislike trash cans and like to throw garbage everywhere.
This is because of trash laws they instituted several years back.


You see? Korea is a small country, and there’s not enough space for landfills.
As Korea industrialized and grew more wealthy, the amount of trash skyrocketed.
So the govt removed public trash cans in order to reduce the amount of trash.
And they make everyone throw out trash in special bags that they must purchase.


They removed the public trash cans and expected people to just carry their trash with them and throw them away when they got home.
But obviously this is not working out very well. Some people are just littering on the streets.

Koreans are obviously inconvenienced by this trash problem. And they’re trying to remedy it.


So in the meantime, please be patient.
And thank you for your understanding.

Have a nice day.


  • To which I replied:
    This is exactly the fucking problem. Let me translate Klownese into English for you readers at home:“Dear Mr. Blogger,You keep harping on about the endless, ubiquitous carpet of trash that covers every square kilometer of this country.
    I just wanted to say that this isn’t because Klowns don’t like trash cans, it is because they don’t give a rat’s motherfuck about anyone else in the universe and can’t be ass bothered to dispose of their trash in even remotely civilized ways. Please understand our unique situation and culture

    Also, the thoroughly incompetent Klown government passed a set of laws some years back that were obviously dreamt up by some inbred nephew of some higher-up who has a serious drinking problem.

    You see? We’re so fucking stupid and illogical that we are completely and utterly fucked.
    Korea is a shitty, small, insignificant country and while we tell the world we have room for the Olympics, and build massive theme parks and gigantic shopping malls, a landfill is out of the question since the ajosshi can’t get rich off of that.
    As Korea industrialized on the back of American and Japanese money, the amount of trash produced skyrocketed as we no longer needed to eat dandelion roots (though we may now choose to because they are “traditional” and therefore “delicious”) and could do everything the Americans we secretly envy though profess to hate do.

    So the stupid fucking, dropped-on-their-heads-while-infants Klown government fucks got piss drunk one afternoon and decided to remove public trash cans because, according to their particular breed of logik, removing sanitary communal places to dispose of trash will somehow reduce people’s consumption rates at the same time the government sponsors massive consumerism campaigns.
    They made everyone buy trash bags, but then gave them no place to put them, because they are functionally fucking retarded and should have been aborted in utero.

    The removed the public trash cans and expected people to just to carry their trash with them because, apparently, they had never stepped foot in Klown public or even looked out a fucking window in their lives to see that Klowns are so far fucking removed from responsible trash disposal that we’re all lucky they aren’t just whipping down their pants and pissing and shitting in the streets. Oh wait. THEY ARE.

    But obviously this is not working out very well. A blind, brain-damaged chimp could see that. Some (and by that I mean every fucking Klown in existence) are just littering on the streets.

    Koreans are obviously inconvenienced by this trash problem, but not enough to actually give a fuck and do something about it, plus we are actually quite comfortable living in our own filth… do not pigs roll in their own shit? Everything will work out because of the Human Centipede ideology which dictates that their unhappiness with the current situation (the entire fucking country blanketed in festering filth) will simply be passed on to someone else in a sick fucking form of abuse that is socially encouraged and culturally glorified. Klowns are saying that they are trying to remedy it, but really they are just looking for someone they can blame their own farm animal behavior on.

    So in the meantime, be patient as we spark a 21st century bubonic plague.
    I guess that’s what we all get for expecting the chronically uncivilized to show some fucking pride and respect. One would think Klowns might learn from this and other lessons, but they won’t because they are willfully incompetent. Because incompetent is “traditional” and therefore “good”. Please understand out culture.

    Have a nice day, AKA ‘Fuck you. Me Klown. Me use world as toilet. Revel in my traditional filth.’”

    Why don’t I come to your house? I can pop a squat outside your front door (because there isn’t a toilet conveniently located outside your front door) and dribble some special ‘Spicy Gochu Chicken’ diarrhea shit all over your doorstep? Then I can leave my household food garbage there (since Samsung is seemingly confused by the concept of a garbage disposal unit), piss on your door and spit all over your door handle.

    Please understand my special and unique situation! I needed to take a shit and dispose of trash but I didn’t want to go to the trouble of finding an actual toilet because I’m a mannerless fuck who has no business existing in the company of other humans, and there were no trashcans because my dumb as all fuck government removed them all. I know you told me to reduce the amount of feces I produce, but I eat just as much as ever (actually more since I am now ‘wealthy’ and can enjoy processed foods and gourmet coffee – which has no effect on defecation, right?) and produce the same (well, more) amount of shit as I always have.  I am literally full of shit.

    Please understand my culture.

    When I say that it excuses any and all behaviors, even those that are deeply socially retarded.

The Ten Kommandments


Eksodus 24:

It was a dark and stormy night…

Kosus ascended Mount Beakdu, shining beacon of the Lord (Do you know the Korea? Do you know the Jesus? Do you know the Korea has four seasons and that the Jesus was Korean? Lord the God was the father of the Jesus, so also God Korean too!)

And the Korean Lord said unto Kosus, “Stumble drunkenly and red-faced up the rubberized walkways leading up the mountain (well, a hill that we’ll call a mountain), and try to remain upright and conscious there: and I will give thee tablets of stone, and a bowl of rotted cabbage, and there might be a grandmother up there willing to give you a blowjob for a man won… oh yeah, and a law, and Kommandments which I have written; that thou mayest yell and screameth at them until the sheep doth memorize them exactly. 13 And Koses rose up, and his minister, some guy named Kim: and Koses went up into the mount where the ajumma picked weeds to boil into “stew”…

The hill-we’ll-call-mountain was covered in smog and yellow sand for six days – Kosus spent his time chain smoking, squatting on the ground like a lower primate and dribble-spitting… and on the seventh day, Kosus stumbled into the midst of the exhaust fumes and found an Anma parlor with attached soju and stewed tentacle shop where he didst stay for 40 days and 40 nights, developing cirrhosis of the liver.

When he didst emerge, Koses spake: “The Lord, Korean God, has delivered unto me these two tablets of stone, written with the tiny, lady-like fingers of Korean God. And on them was written some stuff about safety regulations and ethics suggestions that I didn’t bother reading and some other words, which the Lord, Korean God, scream-spake with you whilst throwing chairs and having a full-on tantrum of the midst of the national assembly.”

And it came to pass, after he had passed out in a bush, come to and gave himself a bath with a wet tissue, Koses came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the foreigners with the Korean women, and the dancing, and the love hotels that wouldst not see he lay with the short-skirted ones, and Koses’ anger waxed hot as the greasy gochu-pepper-sauce-fueled shart that didst sneak from betwixt his sagging buttocks and through to stain his striped boxers, and he cast the tablets out of his hands as he couldst not find a trash can, and brake them into shards beneath the slide at the playground.

And the Lord, Korean God, spake unto Koses, “Hew thee two tablets of stone exactly like unto those tablets invented by Apple: and I will write “Samsung Innovation” upon these tablets, yea and the words that were on the first tablets, which thou brakest, I shall write something kinda close to what was written upon them, and I’ll maketh it look official.”

And thus didst The Lord, Korean God, and Koses deliver unto the righteous, chosen People of the Han The Ten Kommandments, which the chosen Klowns of the Land of Soju and Kimchi wouldst follow.

  1. Klowns are the Lords of the Universe and must believe themselves faultless and above reproach.
  2. Thou shalt endeavor to treat each and every person upon the Lord, Korean God’s, Earth as disrespectfully and rudely as possible. Thou must strive to make clear that thou dost wish to shit before thou dost swallow in the Human Centipede.
  3. Thou shalt expectorate thy deepest, yellowest, most vile phlegm as loudly as thy are able upon every surface thou findst. Thine neighbors and thine neighbors’ children and pets and grandparents who didst suffer for thee shalt be subjected to thine diseased mucus rockets. On occasions honoring the Lord, Korean God, which include every evening after 4:00pm, thou shalt upgradeth thine pollution to the Lord’s vomit. To demonstrate true fealty to the Lord, Korean God, thou shalt defecate in public and fall asleep in it.
  4. Thou shalt regard contracts, agreements and promises of all kinds as the Lord’s humor upon man, wantonly disregarding the oaths thy dost swear to keep. Thou shalt regard all property as thine property regardless of ownership, particularly the property of the intellect of the infidels, those who doest not believe in the Lord, Korean God.
  5. Thou shalt imbibe of the foulest and most chemical moonshine knowest. Thou shalt declare said moonshine both “traditional” and “delicious”, partaking until said moonshine doth become the most heavily imbibed spirit upon the Lord, Korean God’s, Earth. Thou shalt also remain weak and with chest that doth sink until thine belly grows far beyond it.
  6. Thou shalt enter into marriage with both shallow motivation and with thy in clear intent to remain in misery for the remainder of thine days. Thou shalt seeketh a bride with alien features of plastic or a groom with accounts which mommeth and daddeth didst fill. Thou shalt enter into repeated infidelity with thine whores or thine personal trainer or thine child’s Engrishee teachers.
  7. Thou shalt partake in the process of locomotion with the intent to fucketh upeth the intended path of those who wishest to traverse the Lord, Korean God’s, planet. Thou shalt leave thine carts at awkward angles in the center of the Lord’s Costco aisles. Thou shalt blocketh rush hour traffic by stopping thine car in the center of the most critical lane. Thou shalt walk four or five abreast whenst possible on crowded public sidewalks and paths, moving slowly and obliviously to all other traffic. Thou shalt generally proveth that thou is incapable of polite and logical movement of any kind and by any means.
  8. Thou shalt screameth and shouteth and hollereth and carry on in the loudest and most ear-shattering way possible in the name of the Lord, Korean God, at all times but most especially when most unnecessary. Thou must drive thine neighbors and adjacent humans insane with thine whining, melodramatically-inflected, peasant’s vocal stylings to the point where they doth wishest to plucketh thine vocal cords out with their fingernails.
  9. Thou shalt make filthy and repugnant every surface and region of the Lord, Korean God’s Earth in which thou dost reside. Thou shalt honor Korean God with compost food and cartoonish churches and litter and boundary-less children and unwashed line one riding and public toilet desecration and negligent homicide and vehicular homicide and untreated mental illness and propaganda and gaudy churches and loudspeakers and fliers and brothels until the light of thy world doth die a thousand deaths and is thus extinguished leaving no hope or happiness.
  10. Thou shalt remain eternally unapologetic. Thou shalt blame the Japs or the Yanks or the Aborigine or the Chinese or thine critics. Thou shalt never aspire to advance socially or to acknowledge thine shortcomings.

And Koses didst deliver the Kommandments to the Klowns, who didst smack together their rotted gums and declare the Kommandments “traditional”. And the Klowns didst rejoice and sacrifice a family pet or three for “stew”, for they knewest that the Lord, Korean God, didst look upon them with favor and excuseth all behaviors normally suited for lower animals such as tapeworms and sewer rats. And there were many days of soju drinking and whoring and embezzlement and patent infringement and denial. And the thunder didst crash and the hope of humanity died.


Kommunity and Kollectivism


Here we have Seoul, central Seoul, immediately after the country and its people were liberated from an oppressive, decades-long Japanese colonization.  Around this time, Korea was one of the poorest nations on the planet, but near 70 years of non-stop foreign aid and handouts (in various forms) later, and South Korea is now one of the wealthiest nations on the planet!  Hooray!!  Obviously, clearly – I mean it’s a real nobrainer – the days of the kind of third-world conditions and slum-level housing are long, long gone, right?  No way people still live like they did in the picture above, right?




Vast swaths of the Korean population still live like the peasants did 70 years before.  Here we have a slum (one of many) located behind some train tracks…

* Note:  This picture may or may not have been mislabeled by several websites as being taken at Guyrong village in Korea while others identify it as Indian.  In the event that this is actually a picture of an Indian slum, I’m throwing in a few bonus pictures from Korean slums:

guryongslum slum6 slum5 slum4 slum3 slum2


… but this is a scene from right in the heart of the city.  Klowns build “luxury” (hahaha) apartment buildings along major roads, lining them with tall towers that hide the squalor behind.  Punch it up on Google Earth.  These pictures are how much of the population live.  It looks like a Manilla slum.  It looks like any other slum in any other 3rd-world, war-ravaged, economically-destroyed shithole.  It’s very fucking far from Gangnam Style.  These dilapidated shacks are often put together with scrap metal and plastic sheets.  Cinder blocks hold ropes in place that are basically load-bearing ropes keeping the roof up.  Crudely-spliced wires dangle within reach of children from walls and ceilings.  Floors are plastic stickers.  Walls are moldy plaster and quickly-poured cement spider-webbed with cracks.

It is an absolute fucking miracle that more buildings don’t collapse, though there are certainly enough of those already.


Between the shacks and along the tower-lined main roads one can enjoy some of the worst-paved sidewalks in existence.  Now this sidewalk is in a brand-new courtyard.  Work was completed here less than a year ago.  Remarkably the rest of the surface (you know, where there aren’t gaping holes that go un-repaired for over a month) is even enough to walk on, but in many places, the sidewalks look like there has been a 8.0+ earthquake recently.


If you are able to walk on the sidewalk without falling on your face due to a jutting brick, errant stone or sinkhole, try not to carry anything you might need to dispose of.  In true, first-world fashion, Klown does not have public trash cans on the streets.  Finding one is extremely rare – the four-leafed-Klover.   Generally Klowns just throw their food garbage and other trash in a loose pile.  The above picture features a large, communal-use bag.  No container mind you, just the bag.  The person who placed this bag is what you might call a “Kommunity Konscious Klown” – this is extent of a Klown’s capacity to extend respect to his or her community and environment… a trash bag left to overflow.


Now this bag was tied up.  That’s advanced for Klown.  Of course, the idea of an animal-and-accident-proof trash receptacle, like.. oh… I don’t know… a fucking garbage can?  Is far too advanced for this third-world hole.  If it isn’t mongrel (oft abandoned) dogs ripping the bags to shreds, it is the armies of street cats that litter Korea.  One good thing about the street cats is that they keep the rat population at bay, which would otherwise be at bubonic plague-era levels.

Nobody will clean this mess up.  It will be allowed to blow freely in the wind until it ends up in some infant’s stroller.


This is “hip” and “modern” Hongdae in Seoul.  This is the awesome modern utopia of Klown.  This is where tourists are told to go.  It looks like a ghetto… because it is a fucking ghetto in all but GDP.


This is the Broken Window theory taken to a whole new level.  These piles of disease-bearing, rotting food garbage are in front of the places where these people live and work.  This is what happens when living in squalor and filth move past “tolerable” and into the realm of “expected” and even “cultural”.  From the first picture to this, the mentality is the same, though the ability and means have changed.  This isn’t filth because there is no other way, this is filth by choice due to a long familiarity and now comfort level with filth.  Nation-wide.


GarbageBeachSmEven the public beaches aren’t safe.  Nor the parks.  Nor the playgrounds.


Because why put in the minimally-required effort to flatten some boxes when you can just carelessly toss them into the street in a giant pile, right?  I mean, sooner or later some desperate, destitute 80-something Korean with a cart will come, flatten and haul away your trash to make a buck or two a day, right?  In the meantime, fuck everyone else who isnt you.  Fuck them right to hell.

Isn’t Kollectivism great?


Wow!  The fabled public trash receptacle!  Amazing!  Something almost first-world!  Something almost civiliz… oh wait.

Klowns just can’t figure it out.  It’s so konfusing!  What are these squiggly lines painted on the side of this blue box?  What could they mean?  What is it for?  Well, might as well be a Klown sheep and follow the leader by putting my drink cup next to everyone else’s.  Why think for myself… no… why think at all when I can just blindly copy?


Why stop at trash?

Despite never being more than 100 meters away from a public washroom, Klowns insist on covering each and every street with vomit.  The closer to a school, it seems, the better.

Walk around a “trendy” Klown neighborhood on a Saturday or Sunday morning and play a fun game called “Count the Street Pizzas”.  I promise you will tire and grow disgusted with the game long before you have finished tallying up the splatters.

Sure, you COULD use a bathroom… I guess…

Klowns sure do love their bathrooms.  Love destroying them that is.

Klowns are ob-fucking-sessed with shit.  They have “trendy” bread shaped like a steaming turd pile.  No word of a fucking lie.  They have wine made of shit.  They have children’s books entirely centered around the act of expelling solid wastes.  They even have parks and statues dedicated to all things fecal.


Of course the Klown thinks he shits gold.


But seriously now.  What the fuckity fuck?


I guess you could call Klowns real “shitheads”


Maybe you’ll be “lucky” enough to find one of these sparkling public washrooms, where the stench of uncleansed, layered uric acid is so overwhelming that it literally gags you.  Welcome to Klown:  2018 Olympic Host!



Maybe you long for winter and the snowy white blanket that will at least temporarily mask the true nature of Klown… but that facade of cleanliness will only last a few hours before this happens.Image


This is the delight that greets me on the way home from the market.  This wall is maybe 200 meters long, was completed just a year or 2 ago, and it covered from end to end in this TB-riddled abstract artwork of phlegm.  And these are only the ones that were rocketed out with some velocity.  The ground is worse as most Koreans are only capable of dribble spitting, like a 6-month-old might do.Image


Maybe smoking is more your scene?


Oh, but Mr. K!  You must understand our unique and special situation!  Seoul is so very crowded!  If you head out to one of our “new cities” you’ll see the miracle of Korean planning and ingenuity!  You’ll see that we really are sparkling!


This is Songdo.  This is a “new city” that isn’t even finished yet.  Everything is brand fucking new.  It took less than a year to turn this ghost town into a garbage pile.


More of Songdo, right in the hart of what is supposed to be the visitor-friendly “downtown”.  This was a city billed as “international”.  Millions were spent trying to bribe first-world companies to set up offices here.  Money just isn’t enough for some people.Image

How about Dongtan new city?  This is right in the heart of the commerical district where businesses are being asked to pay obscene prices for shitty, hastily-built deathtrap buildings.Image

Here’s a “new town” area in Daejeon.  This place is something like 6 months old.  Most of the commercial spaces are vacant.  Gee, I wonder why?  But then again, self-reflection isn’t a skill Klowns possess.  I’m sure the locals here have found a way to blame the Americans or the Chinese for this.Image

The fucking trash can is RIGHT FUCKING THERE!  You fucking Klown fucks!

But the trash in garbage bags (or sprinkled liberally over any horizontal surface) isn’t the only filth on the streets of Klown.  All that street vomit and odd gold shit has to have a source.  How about the least appetizing food imaginable?


Oh yum! Tripe!  Seriously, I wouldn’t feed this last-ditch, need-for-basic-survival, desparation, trapped in a well peasant fare to a dog let alone a human.  This looks like something Bear Grylls would eat to demonstrate survival techniques. Image

Yum yum Klowns!  What beach-cave dwelling pre-human ancestors crammed into their pre-lingual maws thousands of years ago is your modern fare.  You know we’ve come a long way as a species and mastered things like “fire” and “cutting implements” and “plates”, right?  No?Image


Trash doesn’t always take conventional forms.  Here we see a car covered completely in prostitute advertisement cards, the same you can find on the road near any elementary school.  Klassy.

All that separates Seoul from Tiaquana is a donkey show, and of course Seoul’s far inferior quality of alcohol.Image

Some trash is just human trash.  Prozzies in most wealthy countries are chemically-dependent, mentally-ill or in hiding.  Whores here are just whores for the sake of it.  There is no desire, no motivation to do anything worthwhile with one’s life.  No sense that bettering oneself is important.  Just human trash.


Here are their customers, the worst kind of human trash – the ajosshi.

But of course it isn’t important to fix any of the above.  It isn’t necessary to acknowledge how fucking repulsive and backwards it is.  No.  What is important is making sure white devils don’t come near the women.  You know, the same white devils who saved Klown from the Japanese, again from their Nork “brothers” and has poured countless billions into the economy to artificially created the “Miracle on the Han”.

In the mind of a Klown, the enemy can never be the self.  This is why Klowns will always be Klowns


God forbid an evil foreigner was let into our cheap, shitty nightclubs and room salons!

Just think of the potential lost value to our property, I mean, our women!

Won’t somebody please think of the children?!


Yes.  Think of the children.

But that’s Klown for you.  And while, if you look hard enough, you’ll find dirt, decay and wretchedness in any city or country, Klown is different.  You don’t need to look at all.  Life in the pig farm foulness is the rule, not the exception.

But Klowns don’t care.  In the Human Centipede, there is no taking responsibility, growing a sack and taking care of business – there is only shit and swallow.  There is only accept and revisit abuse and pollution.  These are just a few examples of a much larger toilet bowl culture of social retardation and decay.

I think this statue in Modo Park sums it up with delightful Klowny artistic skill.


Shit and swallow, Klowns.  Shit and swallow.

GILF’s Generation

Korea. Infallible nation of wonder and caring. Promised land of modern humanity.

Korea. Sparkling.

Klowns are amazingly quick to point out others’ faults. The alacrity with which a Klown will comment on a personal flaw is astounding. There is no sense of shame or decency involved. You have grey hair? “Hey! You have grey hair!” You’re fat? “Hey! You’re fat!”

This is level of social skill exhibited by most preschoolers, still dumbfoundedly figuring out the ways of the world with a finger jammed two knuckles deep up one nostril and a bit of breakfast still smeared across the cheek. Aspergers-y, like much of Klown Kulture, though unlike Klowns, the preschooler grows out of that awkward, socially-inept stage around age 4 or 5 while the Klown remains at the same level of social development until death (generally via lung cancer, cirrhosis of the liver, traffic “accident” or the ever popular suicide). Klown Kulture is as delicate, intricate, nuanced and refined as a spastic rhinoceros playing Mozart on a baby grand piano… there’s a piano somewhere there, sure, but it’s all a pile of splinters, saliva and snapped wires. When your childhood is spent locked in a small room ticking off A, B, C or D for 15 hours a day solely to serve a standardized testing system that was developed centuries ago, your young adulthood is spent getting blackout drunk and either serving in the military or whoring yourself for a purse and your adulthood is spent in a perpetual state of hangover and company servitude or spousal loathing and shallow materialism… well that doesn’t really encourage personal development and self-actualization in the form of hobbies, friendships based on anything other than “date of manufacture” or social growth. In fact, the Klown system is set up deliberately to discourage such personal development as instances of just that upset the Human Centipede. So while human nature is to be critical and Klowns cannot be self-critical for fear of growth and development, the outlet must be to find fault with others.

Klowns are very fond of finding fault with other nationalities or ethnic groups. They do this without the ability to take any form of cultural criticism, and they do it without a whit of a care for whom their comments may offend. Of course, that makes it all the more ironic and hilarious when these fucking pieces of shit, these sacs of anal leakage, these only-useful-as-fertilizer fuckbag Klowns – kyopo or Korean – come here to attack me for criticizing Klown Kulture.  It’s “Evil Japan!” and “Dirty China!” and “Starving Africa!” and “Criminal African American Watermelon Eaters!” and “Dishonest Filipinos!” or whatever the fuck the attack is. Of course, deep down, their external criticisms are just subconsciously redirected self-criticisms. Dirty China? Have you looked out your window, Klown? There are festering piles of garbage 6 feet high that are rotting in the sun, leaking bacteria-laden juices all over the sidewalk, attracting maggots and cats, and stinking of death. Dishonest Filipinos? Look Klown, when you can learn even the most basic level of honor and ethics, come talk to me. Until then, I would most definitely trust a Filipino ten times more than a Klown to have my back. Evil Japan? Didn’t your Kulture just kill hundreds of people in the last month or two with sinking ferries and burning buildings?   Criminal African Americans? Isn’t your entire economic model built on patent infringement and IP theft? Well, it’s a waste of time to try and point this out to a Klown. As mentioned above, they utterly lack the capacity to self-reflect in this way. What most people learn as toddlers just wasn’t deemed important enough for the Klown Kultural model.

Coupled with the “everyone else is terrible” mantra is the “everything Korean is good” self-perpetuated brainwashing. It was with this century-out-of-date propaganda (literally 20s era – and think of how much the rest of the world has progressed socially over the same spread of time in comparisson to Klown) in the air that I taught some of my first classes in Korea years ago. These were classes for adults, usually in their mid-20s to mid-30s, and my job was to get them speaking. I tried to pick very general hot button topics that wouldn’t offend (for instance, I might talk about “who you want to marry” but not “how to get your girlfriend into a 3-way that involves anal sex”). One class centered around cultural differences, specifically the differences between American and Korean cultures. I posed the first open-ended questions…

Wow. I thought Americans were loudmouthed, nationalistic assholes. Us Yanks have absolutely nothing on these fucking Klowns. No contest – they win.

“Tee-chuh, Americans so selfish.”

(I have never in my life and travels encountered a social group so deeply narcissistic that self-absorption takes the form of abuse of others)

“Tee-chuh, Americans so fat.”

(Yep. Far too many Americans are fat. We also have a larger percentage of highly fit people, but an enormous demographic segment that is morbidly obese. Koreans are catching up though. As access to food changes, Koreans are proving themselves every bit as undisciplined and self-loathing as the WalMart crowd.)

“Tee-chuh, Americans so promiscuous.”

(You’re fucking kidding me, right? This kuntry has a million fucking whores! And that doesn’t count the tens of thousands of export whores around the world, nor does it take into account the young girls coerced into sex to further their career in entertainment)

“Tee-chuh, Koreansuh care for parent and family better, not like selfish American”

Oh rly?

Now at the time, new to the country and open-minded to possibilities (plus I was never much a nationalist back home), I entertained the thought that she might be right. After all, when our American relatives get too old to live alone, we send them off to a “Retirement Village”, and from stories I heard from so many Klowns, elderly and incontinent parents stay with their children until they pass away. From what I was told, the whole family bands together to financially support the elderly. It’s a regular love fest of altruism and Confucianism.

I’m also told by North Korean television that Kim Jong Il wrote hundreds of operas while juggling live grenades and riding a unicorn.

In 8 years, I have not actually met anyone who cares for an elderly relative unable to care for themselves. Not one. I have, however, met countless families where the elderly relative (who often not only keeps their own separate apartment but has paid for the child’s apartment as well) works in the child’s home like an unpaid domestic, raising (well, halfway supervising while watching the world’s worst TV programs while the kids are between hagwons and homework) grandchildren, cooking and cleaning. I haven’t actually met anyone who financially supports their parents outside of paying for a room in an old-age home or hospice. I have met many Koreans who give a small envelope of cash (I would say to alleviate guilt but I know they feel none) to the family matriarchs (usually the patriarchs have long since drunk and smoked themselves to death) on Korean “high holidays”. I’ve never, ever met any Korean who argued in favor of higher taxes to enable better care of the retired (you know, the generation who broke their backs as brainwashed slave laborers so that modern Klowns could have 3D television).

What I understand is that this familial piety and caring for one’s elders is paid lip service and nothing more. It was something practiced in past generations out of necessity, but abandoned immediately as inconvenient once other options came along. The way a Klown’s relationship with his or her parents is handled these days goes something like this:

1)   Birth to kindy is a free-for-all where there are no boundaries, no rules and only irregular and extreme consequences. Often this stage is handed off to the exhausted and jaded grandparents who are just as incapable of properly educating the little Klownlets as the generation before them was.

2)   School age is mothers and fathers finding every way possible not to have to do actual parenting. Kids are sent to academies and camps and handed off to grandparents. During this time, the middle generation earns but the retired older generation still aren’t dependents.

3)   Graduation comes after 12 years of stress (if the kid doesn’t jump off a bridge) and university is paid for by mom and dad (or grandparents as is often the case as junior Kim’s tuition was spend on designer handbags and an imported car)

4)   The kid drinks and fucks around for 4 years at a worthless university that, despite its only-in-Klown prestigee, can’t throw enough money at high level academics to make them stay in such a mockery of “higher learning”. The grandparents have now borrowed as much as they possibly can against their home, mom and dad are deeply in debt as well.

5)   Kid lives at home, leeching off the parents (who have been leeching off the grandparents and their collateral) until his or her 30s at which point they announce they are getting married to some equally, perpetually dependent Klown with no self-reliance skill whatsoever. Mom, dad and grandparents from both sides come together to pay for a home and to furnish it.

6)   The newlyweds work and spend money on BMWs and handbags until they have kids out of a sense of duty and in the face of the fact that they have no business being parents and should be sterilized. Grandma and grandpa pass away in the meantime leaving a minimal estate as their assets were all long ago leveraged for debt that was serviced for years at bare minimum payments.

7)   The next generation grandma is brought in to be the domestic, credit lines are drawn and the whole cycle starts again.

Klowns don’t have any special respect or desire to care for their elders. They like to talk shit about it, but they don’t like to walk the walk (hard to walk that far in designer heels).

Those hunchbacked 80 year olds hauling carts of cardboard for a buck per 50 kilos – don’t they have kids? But not every grandmother can haul cardboard, so what’s a grandma with thankless kunt offspring to do to make ends meet once her kids have drained her of every last asset except her physical body? Why, sell it of course!

Do you know the Korea? Do you know the Korea culture? Do you know the Korea has four seasons and very old, beautiful culture?

One of the most dominant and prevalent aspects of Klown kulture that is on full display is the selling of women’s bodies in every possible way imaginable. Prostitution is FAR more representative of Korean kulture than caring for the elderly is, most especially in modern Klown. Hell, prostitution is more a Korean kultural treasure than kimchi. There was some anger over the burning of the Namdaemun “Cultural Treasure Number One”, but that was nothing compared to the full on riotous anarchy that would ensue if prostitution were ever to be actually ended. Being that Korean culture is so old and that prostitution is such a major part of the kulture, it only makes sense to combine the two to solve the other kultural problem of forgotten elderly relatives…

This enlightening article comes from the BBC, delivering a delightful, long overdue and well-needed slap to the face of Klown culture (not that any Klown will learn anything from this other than “BBC bad, England bad, white bad!” due to the problem detailed above).   I’m going to copy-paste the text here as the article is just that damned entertaining.


Koreans could once be sure that their children would look after them in their old age, but no longer – many of those who worked hard to transform the country’s economy find the next generation has other spending priorities. As a result, some elderly women are turning to prostitution.


Kim Eun-ja sits on the steps at Seoul’s Jongno-3 subway station, scanning the scene in front of her. The 71-year-old’s bright lipstick and shiny red coat stand out against her papery skin.


Beside her is a large bag, from which comes the clink of glass bottles as she shifts on the cold concrete.

Mrs Kim is one of South Korea’s “Bacchus Ladies” – older women who make a living by selling tiny bottles of the popular Bacchus energy drink to male customers.


But often that’s not all they’re selling. At an age when Korean grandmothers are supposed to be venerated as matriarchs, some are selling sex.


“You see those Bacchus Ladies standing over there?” she asks me. “Those ladies sell more than Bacchus. They sometimes go out with the grandpas and earn money from them. But I don’t make a living like that.

“Men do proposition me when I’m standing in the alleyway,” she adds. “But I always say, ‘No.'”

Mrs Kim says she makes about 5,000 Won ($5, or £3) a day selling the drinks. “Drink up fast,” she says. “The police are always watching me. They don’t differentiate.”


The centre of this underground sex trade is a nearby park in the heart of Seoul. Jongmyo Park is a place where elderly men come to while away their sunset years with a little chess and some local gossip.

It’s built around a temple to Confucius, whose ideas on venerating elders have shaped Korean culture for centuries. But under the budding trees outside, the fumbling transactions of its elderly men and women tell the real story of Korean society in the 21st Century.


Women in their 50s, 60, even their 70s, stand around the edges of the park, offering drinks to the men. Buy one, and it’s the first step in a lonely journey that ends in a cheap motel nearby.


The men in the park are more willing to talk to me than the women.


Standing around a game of Korean chess, a group of grandfathers watch the match intently. About half the men here use the Bacchus Ladies, they say.


“We’re men, so we’re curious about women,” says 60-year-old Mr Kim.


“We have a drink, and slip a bit of money into their hands, and things happen!” he cackles. “Men like to have women around – whether they’re old or not, sexually active or not. That’s just male psychology.”

Another man, 81 years old, excitedly showed me his spending money for the day. “It’s for drinking with my friends,” he said. “We can find girlfriends here, too – from those women standing over there. They’ll ask us to play with them. They say, ‘Oh, I don’t have any money,’ and then they glue on to us. Sex with them costs 20,000 to 30,000 Won (£11-17), but sometimes they’ll give you a discount if they know you.”


South Korea’s grandparents are victims of their country’s economic success.


As they worked to create Korea’s economic miracle, they invested their savings in the next generation. In a Confucian society, successful children are the best form of pension (Haha).


But attitudes here have changed just as fast as living standards, and now many young people say they can’t afford to support themselves and their parents in Korea’s fast-paced, highly competitive society.


The government, caught out by this rapid change, is scrambling to provide a welfare system that works. In the meantime, the men and women in Jongmyo Park have no savings, no realistic pension, and no family to rely on. They’ve become invisible – foreigners in their own land.


“Those who rely on their children are stupid,” says Mr Kim. “Our generation was submissive to our parents. We respected them. The current generation is more educated and experienced, so they don’t listen to us.


“I’m 60 years old and I don’t have any money. I can’t trust my children to help. They’re in deep trouble because they have to start preparing for their old age. Almost all of the old folks here are in the same situation.”


Most Bacchus women have only started selling sex later in life, as a result of this new kind of old-age poverty, according to Dr Lee Ho-Sun, who is perhaps the only researcher to have studied them in detail.

One woman she interviewed first turned to prostitution at the age of 68. About 400 women work in the park, she says, all of whom will have been taught as children that respect and honour were worth more than anything.


“One Bacchus woman said to me ‘I’m hungry, I don’t need respect, I don’t need honour, I just want three meals a day,” Lee says.


Police, who routinely patrol the area but are rarely able to make an arrest, privately say this problem will never be solved by crackdowns, that senior citizens need an outlet for stress and sexual desire, and that policy needs to change.


But law-enforcement isn’t the only problem.


Inside those bags the Bacchus Ladies carry is the source of a hidden epidemic: a special injection supposed to help older men achieve erections – delivered directly into the vein. Dr Lee confirms that the needles aren’t disposed of afterwards, but used again – 10 or 20 times.


The results, she says, can be seen in one local survey, which found that almost 40% of the men tested had a sexually transmitted disease¬ despite the fact that some of the most common diseases weren’t included in the test. With most sex education classes aimed at teenagers, this has the makings of a real problem. Some local governments have now begun offering sex education clinics especially for seniors.


Hidden in a dingy warren of alleyways in central Seoul, is the place where these lonely journeys end – the narrow corridors of a “love motel” and one of the grey rooms which open off them.


Inside, a large bed takes up most of the space, its thin mattress and single pillow hardly inviting a long night’s sleep. On the bed-head is a sticker: for room service press zero; for pornography press three; and if you want the electric blanket, you’ll find the wire on the far side of the bed.


So here you have food, sex, and even a little warmth all at the touch of a button. If only it were that simple outside the motel room, in South Korea’s rich, hi-tech society.


But for the grandparents who built its fearsome economy, food is expensive, sex is cheap, and human warmth rarely available at any price.

So that’s 400 elderly women, in just the one park, selling injections with used hypos into the flaccid, undersized kocks of Klown ajosshi scum (that’s one odd style of foreplay… but seriously, what the fuck?) so the ajosshi can get their 3.8 inch stiffy into some sandpaper-lined, wrinkled granny cooch for the price of a pizza. It’s like the behavior of the most extremely desperate crack and meth addicts… but this is a park in the middle of downtown Seoul… and it’s non-drug-addicted grandmothers who need money for basic necessities and have been totally abandoned by their children.

But that’s my beef with Klown. Be what you say, or at least some reasonable facsimile. Klown is the exact fucking opposite of everything it advertises itself to be, and the more visitors say, “Hey! This wasn’t in the brochure!” the louder the Klowns scream about how everyone else is evil.

So tell me again about your beautiful four-seasoned culture, Klown. Put it up on a Time’s Square billboard please.

I’m enthralled. I’m fascinated. I’d love to hear all about it after I get this dick injection…


GILFs Generation