Reflective Formality

Being politically correct… is it important?

I mean, how diplomatic does one need to be?  What criteria should establish for us how sensitive our words and tone need be?

It seems like some easily offended types over at Marmot’s or Dave’s or elsewhere are taken aback by my honest, extremely negative appraisal of all things Klown.  Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t possibly give less of a fuck whether “Steelrails” likes my little vent blog or not, and I don’t go around posting links to this space on eslcafe or Facebook or wherever else.  I don’t care if people read this or not.  It doesn’t make me money, I don’t pay to host the site, and it’s much more for me and for those who wish to commiserate and wallow in misery with me.

If you don’t like it, then might I most sincerely recommend that you fuck the fucking fuck off and don’t come back?  I’ve got comments from readers who have gone back through the archives, read the entire fucking blog and then posted up about how offended they are, how they found what I wrote to be in poor taste, how sad and pathetic they think I am.  Motherfucker, then why the fuck did you read anything more than half of a post?  I’m not trying to obfuscate my true feelings here.  You should know after the first few sentences whether this is the kind of thing you want to read or not.  That you would finish reading one post, let alone all of them, let alone commenting on them makes be seriously question your motivation; how disingenuous are you being when you write about how much you dislike “Klownisms”?  You’re like a volunteer, sweaty-palmed bible-thumper Klown nutizen surfing deep into the interwebs for the most deviant sorts of porn so you can report the sites to the authorities.  I’ll let you mull that analogy over…

So let me clear the air on a few things…

First of all, and I mean this sincerely, I do not need you to read this blog.  You have free will and – unless the disease of Klown has completely rotted away your prefrontal cortex – some common sense.  Don’t read what you don’t want to read.  You aren’t the internet morality police.  Nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody, needs you to play that role.  You like it?  Cool.  Enjoy.  Not your cup of tea?  Maybe this or this or this will be.  You’re very fucking welcome.  Now fuck off.

Next, don’t try and make this about race.  PC liberal white-guilt-suffering fuckbags love to toss about the R-word, but even if “Klown” were synonymous with “ethnically Korean” (it isn’t), “Korean” is not a race.  If you have a problem with the way I describe the ghetto-esque, trailer-trash mannerisms, philosophies and behaviors of Klowns, so be it, but trying to make it about race just shows you have no ability or desire to understand anything more complex than the way a person looks.  Quite a few of you Caucasians out there are most definitely Klowns… feel better?  Now fuck off.

As well, there seems to be a lot of anger coming off the “Old Klown and the Sea” post.  It has been called “indecent”.  Huh?  My satirical post about the Klownisms of ajosshi scum such as gross negligence causing death, total incompetence at jobs that require the opposite, hard core alcoholism, the sexualization of minors, the way that kids are abused in a variety of ways, the greed and lack of ethics in Klown Korporations… THIS is what is offensive to you?  Not the ACTUAL gross negligence causing death, total incompetence at jobs that require the opposite, hard core alcoholism, the sexualization of minors, the way that kids are abused in a variety of ways, the greed and lack of ethics in Klown Korporations?  What happened to those kids revulses me.  The Klown Kolostomy bags behind it disgust me.  I thought anyone with half a brain would be able to… oh… right… half a brain required.  Never mind.  Now fuck off.

I even had some self-identified Klown post comments repeatedly about how he wishes my kids will die and how I should get out of “his country”.  Well, I don’t have kids, but if I did I sure as fuck wouldn’t raise them here.  It’s all fine and well for me to torture myself year after year in Klown, but not for any future potential offspring.  More hilarious was that this commenter was logging in from Australia, where ferries don’t get dangerously and maliciously overloaded only to sink, killing hundreds of children.  Must be nice.  “Your country” indeed.  Now fuck off.

But anyway… all this PC nonsense got me thinking about something I like to call “reflective formality”.  This is how I explain to students the difference between levels of formality in Korea versus levels of formality in America.

In America, generally speaking, you get what you give in terms of politeness.  If I speak politely to you, you will answer politely to me.  There is no obligation to be formal, there isn’t even an expectation, but there is an appreciation. 

“Good afternoon!  How are you today?” –> “I’m well, thank you.  And you?” –> “I’m well.  Would you mind if I used your restroom?  Sorry for asking but I can’t seem to find one in the area.” –> “No problem.  It’s just around the corner, second door on the left.” –> “Thanks so much.”

“Hey man, where’s the pisser?” –> “Over there”

Under this system, the whole “Christian” golden rule idea of “Do unto others” (Klowns like to shout about how devout they are… right?) comes out in speech patterns.  Speech patterns that reflect the speakers’ genuine, non-obligated feelings.

Then there’s Klown.

“Good afternoon sir!” –> “(Hawwwrk!  Hawwwwwwrrrrk! P-tooie!)”

Could you please tell me how to get to Sinsa station, sir?”  –> “Shibal.  Shibal.  (P-tooie)”

Well not every interaction is like this.  Just as not every polite interaction in western culture is heartfelt.  I have been treated politely in Korea – by those paid to be polite to me.  More often than not, however, from the youngest kids to the man on the street, they see me as an exception to Klown obligatory formality.  I’m just a waygook gojangii, so I don’t really need to be given the same degree of respect that would normally be required for someone older, or for a teacher or whomever.

And I’m the confusing exception.  I get treated disrespectfully and Klowns aren’t really 100% sure if they can treat me disrespectfully.  Imagine how it is for Koreans within the Klown system who absolutely know they are eligible to be treated disrespectfully!  The environment and public as a whole is also undeserving of respect, hence the phlegm-strewn walkways and piles of festering trash.  Where the opportunity presents itself for Klowns to abuse others, they jump all over it with rabid excitement.  It’s like Klown Katnip.  It is the highlight of their fucking day to be able to pass the fecal matter down the Human Centipede.

This tells me that, deep down, Klowns are nasty, sadistic people.  They have no desire to foster healthy human relationships or to build polite rapport.  They do it only when they have to… then they feel bitter about it.  Take a Klown out of the obligation and what do you see?  The worst kinds of human behavior.  Put a Klown in a car, where tinted glass makes age and gender a non-issue, and watch them deliberately, gleefully endanger each others lives.  Put a non-Korean in a classroom and watch the disrespect begin.  Put a Klown in a Lufthansa airport lounge and enjoy the peasantry.  Actually, take a Klown anywhere in the world and observe why nobody wants them around.

So why the fuck do I need to be politically correct and diplomatic about Klowns?  Such sensitivity will never be revisited to me… or anyone else.  The more diplomatic I am with Klowns, the weaker they see me, the more they want to take advantage of me, from free English practice to pushing on the subway to volunteering me for unpaid work.  I’ve learned during my time here (too slowly at first).  I’ve learned that politeness is weakness… that one is only polite out of obligation and that formality equates with lower social standing.

I get the sense that a lot of expats here, the ones who can’t stand my blog or any other vitriolic criticism of Korea or Klowns, are just desperate for a pat on the head.  How terrible their social standing must have been back home that they are happy to overlook the multiple abuses they must endure every day just so that they can be told they are a good little wagookin who loves the gallbladder of the globe – Korea.  When you speak your sideshow Korean, when you declare the stewed weeds ‘delicious’, when you dress in a hambok and do some bowing, do you think the applause and praise mean that the Klowns like you?  That they respect you?  Please.  Stop deluding yourself.  Klowns don’t respect anyone, not really.  They don’t even respect themselves, let alone their friends and family members, and most certainly not strangers outside their little bubble.  They think of you as a novelty, and they think of every other Klown as competition… someone they need to figure out how to rank in order to reach the all important conclusion of how much abuse can be safely directed at or tolerated from this individual.

So no, I don’t feel the need to be polite, diplomatic or politically correct.  So if you plan to comment here, don’t waste your time commenting on that.  If you want to prove me wrong then that’s great.  Post the fuck away.  Unsurprisingly, however, out of the 100 or so comments that have been received here so far, those that are critical of my venom are just hypocritical, un-self-aware venomous outpourings by people offended by my lack of sensitivity.  Not a single comment has been to say I’m wrong or that Klown Kulture isn’t really like this.  So I must be right.  And yes, if you are living in Korea, then it does suck that I’m right.  I know I’d be a happier person if I were wrong.  But I’m not.  If you can’t accept that, this isn’t the place for you.  Now fuck off.


27 thoughts on “Reflective Formality

  1. “Where the opportunity presents itself for Klowns to abuse others, they jump all over it with rabid excitement.”

    So true. So, so true.

  2. I live in Korea and it sucks that you’re right.
    I appreciate that you don’t see your blog as precious, and that you don’t lecture the masses on falling off a barstool from the perceived ivory tower of foreign white male entitlement you feel you deserve because you married a Korean national and scored a job at a university for which you are clearly underqualified…………that vapid, self aggrandizing circle jerk found on so many K related blogs.
    Most times, I interpret your ‘profanity (fuckity fuck fuck fuck already)’ as an indication of frustration, even when it makes my toes curl.  Countless times, I’ve had my head peed on here only to be told that it’s raining.  Your take on things has helped me figure out the etiology of my own frustration – that’s the heartening part.  For me, what you pinpoint and dissect is the actual profanity.
    Beyond commiseration, I respect your efforts at thought, consideration, and understanding.  I’ve always been put off by those who suggest ‘if you don’t like it, leave’.  Some people may not want to leave, despite the unpleasant aspects of their lives here.  Your take on how things are extends to why things are.  I think you care a lot, or you wouldn’t make the effort…. again, heartening. 
    With relative high frequency, you call it like I see it.  I choose to read it.  Thanks for writing it.

  3. The never ending rally cry of the apologists, “If you dont like it, LEAVE!”
    So hypocritical for them to come and read your entire back catalog of blog entries while ignoring their own mantra.
    If you dont like what you see, dont continue to read it.
    I can get through about 1/2 a paragraph of any Eat Your Kimchi blog entry before the slogans and jargon makes my retinas red with rage.
    I dont like it and I start to read something else.
    You dont have to be as dull as a Kpop enthusiast to follow that logic.

  4. Love your writing. Keep it up. Still for someone who says
    First of all, and I mean this sincerely, I do not need you to read this blog. You have free will and – unless the disease of Klown has completely rotted away your prefrontal cortex – some common sense. Don’t read what you don’t want to read.
    You seem to post the link a lot in certain Facebook groups on posts that have no relation to this blog. Plus it is spammy.
    Once again love the writing. It is helping me think about my views and Korea.

  5. I appreciate your honesty in your writing.Someone is posting your link in FB groups under the name Fred something.I had one under in the comments section of my recent Land of the Mourning Clam comic in Every Expat in Korea.Check it out if you are a member,look for my “Foreigner Card” comic, and scroll down to the end of the comments and you’ll see it.Oh, and I just started following your blog.Interesting stuff.

    • In the KT comments? Hahaha haha!

      That’s fucking hilarious.

      I can just imagine the shocked, disillusioned and distraught faces of the returnee staffers when they read “yellow journalism”

  6. I wrote a pretty long post here. I think there is some kind of approval process. Did you decide you didn’t want to approve it because you can’t handle replying to it? Anyway, shame for that to go to waste because you’re too chicken shit to hold your ground.

    • I distinctly remember telling you to

      get the fuck off my blog and don’t come back

      You must have gotten lost on your way to Dave’s or KoreanSentry or some other place where people think you’re cute and want to listen to your bag of hot wind, arrogant, delusions-of-grandeur bullshit.

      I don’t. Shut the fuck up. Go the fuck away.

      In case I was not clear before – this is not a debate.

      I skimmed through your boring, regurgitated, self-aggrandizing post, but honestly I couldn’t make it to the end. It was like sandpaper on my eyes. You’re a flat, lifeless, talentless writer who mistakenly fancies yourself insightful and intelligent. You bore the fuck out of me. Don’t you feel ridiculously stupid for wasting your time, writing that slobbering compost heap of bits and bytes that even I couldn’t get through?

      You’re also an obvious moron who just does not get the point even when he is being savagely beaten over the head with it as if it were a lead pipe.

      Go the fuck back to daves and play with the other chimps.

      You weren’t a welcome addition here to begin with. I thought I made it exceptionally clear you weren’t a welcome addition when I (obviously wasted my time) replied to your original comment. I am attempting again to tell you that you are a complete waste of screen space and to not come back. You will not get this through your thick, mongoloid skull. You will come back with some 1000 word response that doesn’t bear any marks of organization or forethought or insight. I will read the first 50 words, immediately grow disinterested and click “trash”… again.

      There is no sense replying further to you or entertaining you in any way, shape or form as you lack any ability to understand what is being said to you or explained to you. The fact that you claim to have been hired in any “professional” capacity in Korea merely serves as proof positive of the utter and complete failure of the system here. I wouldn’t hire you to cut my grass – I’d come out and find you grazing it or trying to comb it.

      You’re so completely obtuse that you will likely take this reply as an invitation to further communication. So desperate are you for attention on Korea-related internet activity that you, undoubtedly, will return under a different name and attempt to comment again… trying to “trick” me into reading your retarded fucking verbal diarrhea.

      FUCK OFF.

      • I would seriously consider having your baby. Just based on what you write here. It’s a female thing. Some genes just cry out in all their glorious geniusness and one with a womb feels called to be implanted with such genes. I could do it. Let me know.

  7. I also want to have your baby! Excellent analysis and writing. Only problem is I’m male and hetero.
    That doesn’t stop me from wanting to kiss someone with the capacity to speak the truth.

  8. So you did not do that? Maybe someone is trying to have people jump on you by posting your blog in a spammer way. People see, get outraged and then try to take you down. Instead the spammer/troll is getting more people who enjoys your writing.
    The Fred West character as mentioned above is the serial killer plus they also used a photo of the serial killer.

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