It has been written how poor man is amongst the animals, how pitiable, as man has but two, and only two friends in the world – the horse and the dog.
Of those, it is the dog that has been called, “Man’s Best Friend”, a companion, a guard, an animal domesticated 13,000 years ago to be our amigo, sometimes even a savior.
In Korea, dogs go by a different name adherent to the lovely traditional culture: “lunch”.
Curse us Western Imperialists! Curse us for trying to dictate what forms of meat are and aren’t acceptable to eat! Do we not slaughter pigs, who are “every bit as intelligent as dogs”? How dare we try and rob from Korea its virtuous and unspoiled traditional culture!
Dog meat, prepared usually as a stew of sorts in Korea, has long been the target of animal rights activists from the West. I can see why. Klowns don’t. It isn’t about the meat per se, it is about the preparation. The dogs are kept in conditions a calf being prepared for veal would be envious of. But that’s the best part. Then there is the torture. Videos here, here, here and here.
You see, dogs are not ajosshi. They are far, far down the Human Centipede chain. And as detailed in that post, there is nothing Klowns love more than abusing others. Klown Katnip. So when the opportunity comes to torture a defenseless animal, well they make sure to do it right. Dogs are strung up from trees by their ankles, beaten repeatedly (I’ve heard 100 non-lethal strikes is the best), burned alive, raped anally with a sandpaper-covered crowbar, made to watch doggy snuff films, given the old bamboo under the fingernails and – in the most extreme cases – forced to listen to K-pop. Okay, well only the first few are confirmed, but I’m sure there are a few “bonus” tortures thrown in. In the civilized world, people understand that animals eat other animals as part of this crazy “food chain” thing, and that the slaughter of animals used for food needn’t be some drawn out, sick snuff porn of butchering. Rather, animals are killed quickly – necks snapped, decapitation, throat slit, bolt gun to the brain – then processed to be used as food. I can’t think of a contemporary western example of how any animal is aggressively tortured for an extended amount of time like Klowns torture dogs, for use as meat or otherwise.
Why? Well the more fear the dog feels, the more adrenaline it produces, which Klowns believe will alter the texture and taste of the meat in some meaningful way that excuses the … oh who are we kidding, these Klowns LOVE, just fucking love, torturing the poor fucking mutts.
Let’s not forget the “traditional” aspect of dog meat, which is to say that back when Korea was a dirt poor country of peasant farmers wallowing in their own stink and filth, spitting and slopping about, drinking the most vile of moonshines and having sex with teenagers… as opposed to today when Korea is a wealthy country of peasant farmers wallowing in their own stink and filth, spitting and slopping about, drinking the most vile of moonshines and having sex with teenagers… there wasn’t a whole lot of meat around. Much like today, meals consisted of compost. This is why SPAM is popular here, as an actual gift, because when the GIs came in to save Korea from… Korea… it was the only meat going. Klowns saying dog meat is “traditional” is like saying slavery is traditional. Sure, it was done, but the reasons for it weren’t pretty. Klowns can try and talk up dog meat and being somehow good for one’s health, which this site (predictably) has a big problem believing, or that it improves virility and sexual stamina. The latter is disproved daily by the hordes of disgusting, 3.8-incher ajosshi scum who roll their pasty, sweaty, bloated bodies off whores they started slobbering all over a mere 90 seconds earlier (no wonder whores here hate serving foreigners… with an ajosshi they’re done in a few minutes, free to spend the next 57 playing with their ‘handphones’, but with a foreigner they have to work for that whole hour). At any rate, it is born out of extreme poverty and desperation to kill for meat the animal you rely on for so many other aspects of life, especially as a farmer… continued, I’m guessing, because they just loved to torment the animals under the handy Klown excuse of “please understand my Kulture”.
Despite being traditional and wondrous and healthy and all things neat and nifty, Klowns have been backing away from dog meat when the practice starts to damage their “image” (hey Klown, your image abroad is shit… don’t worry about damaging something so utterly fucked and ruined). They did so during the ’88 Olympics (but proceeded to barbeque doves on live TV), and they’re doing it again now.
“There is no practice of eating dogs in Korea” is the money shot quote. Other articles have the issue downplayed in other ways, trying to say that it is an all-but-dead tradition in Korea, practiced only in the deep countryside blah blah blah. Below is a picture a friend shot on a trip last weekend to Ansan, hardly what one would call “the countryside”. Not content with torture before and during slaughter, the head must be mounted beside the carcass as if it were on a pike. That is fitting. Please take this image to symbolize Klown – socially medieval.
Once the issue has made the media rounds a bit, everything will go back to business as usual. Ferries will continue to operate without any meaningful safety oversight, old men will continue to burn shit to the ground when they throw man-child tantrums (Korean male Klowns are basically perpetually regressed children), work crews will continue to follow absolutely no safety protocols, medicine will be unsafely distributed, and dog meat will be just as unsanitary and sociopathic as ever. And the Koreans who aren’t Klowns, who are generally of the younger and better-traveled variety, either won’t ever question these “traditions”, or will be shouted down by their ajosshi Klown overlords; either way they’ll be bowing their heads and backing out the doorway.
But I propose something radical, something different – I say we parade dog meat eating, in all its glory, as loudly and proudly as possible, especially during the Olympics.
Come on Klowns! You want to be proud of your unique, special, 5,000-year-old culture, right? I mean, that’s what all the Times Square billboards and NYT ads and belligerence is about, right? Don’t hide it! Show the world! Have displays for tourists where toothless ajummas are beating yelping dogs half to death. Hell, why not skin them alive, China-style, to show your worldliness? Maybe a booth for visitors (assuming anyone would be stupid enough to pay to come here) where they can press the button that turns on the blow torch! Wheeee! Watch them squirm and squeal! It’s traditional! Have you heard about the Korea? Do you know the kimchi? You parade that shit, Klowns. You own it girlfriend! Let’s advocate the Klowns letting the world know how completely unapologetic they are for refusing to change social practices popularized in the 12th century. In fact, let’s take the face of our little friend up above and put that on the Korean flag… that way the true message of Klown will come across loud and clear, and people like the hordes of ESL teachers that come in year after year won’t feel lied to and scammed when the reality of Klown hits them…
“The Proud Republic of Klown: Fuck you. We’re wallowing in thousand-year-old excrement and loving it.”