“Yellow” Journalism

Arirang, K Herald, K Times, the various “educational newspapers” (Kids Times, EduTimes etc etc)… basically ANY English-language news source in Korea is staffed and run exclusively by people with sub-85 IQs.  It’s a make-work project by the government to give the functionally mentally retarded folk in Klown a chance at a normal life.  It’s positively first-world. The primary group of staffers are kids returning from studying highschool and uni abroad who were totally unqualified/too lazy/too fucking stupid to get hired in the States. Nobody would sponsor them for a work visa for any job.  They returned to Klown and mommy/daddy got them a job as a “reporter”.  So, drooly-rag tied around their necks, Hello Kitty “Super Reporter Wow Fun Happy Time” notepad in hand and padded helmet securely fashioned, they were dropped off at one of the aforementioned “news” organizations and plopped down in front of a keyboard (the kind with the bright, primary-colored lego-like keys) and told to “go for it”.

Image

Staff photo – Korea Times interns 2013 (Safety mitts removed for photo)

 

Now, despite a decade abroad doing absolutely nothing BUT studying English, and despite hundreds of thousands of dollars poured into tuition at schools and for private tutors (who essentially wrote all of their assignments for them), these “reporters” are unable to compose a single grammatically correct sentence in English that is longer than three words.  Multi-syllabic words confuse and scare them and mostly any word used that is longer than 5 or 6 characters comes courtesy of an online Korean-to-English dictionary.  The result is a word used entirely out of context, the curse of having the diction skills of a house pet. 

So the “news” organization hires a token native English speaker to be a “copyeditor”.  These “professionals” get all hot and bothered for the job as they think they are going to be “famous” or because they are just excited to be able to tell people that they are not an English teacher.  They get paid about 20 bucks an hour.  They are universally resented in the office by Klowns who think themselves incapable of fault.  They are often completely and hopelessly incompetent (as are many English teachers), and know little to nothing of how to edit properly, let alone basic English usage.  The chief Klowns and office supervisors do not even submit their work to the copyeditor, so what goes to print or on air is embarrassingly mangled.

Since nobody at the “news” organization actually gives a shit about journalistic integrity, facts or ethics, not only are the stories an unforgivable mess of linguistic errors, they are so poorly constructed and cited that a fourth grade teacher would fail them, and they are also frequently borderline libelous.

I’d like to be convinced that these “news” sources are part of a massive conspiracy to troll the English-speaking world, but in reality, this is just the best that Klown has to offer.  Sad, isn’t it? 

 

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One thought on ““Yellow” Journalism

  1. Always good to see a new humorous take on life in the worlds’ bestest number 1 country in the whole world, Corea!

    Great entertainment for all burnt-out ESL teachers out there, stuck in constant turmoil pondering the decisions they made in their lives that led them here to this country.

    I’d never considered the statement, ‘There’s nothing worse than a slave turned master’, relevant to my life until i arrived here to work for Koreans, my new masters.

    Cheers,
    Keep it up~!

    P.S. If you ever get a book printed, feel free to use that as a critic quote on the cover;

    ‘Great entertainment for all burnt-out ESL teachers out there, stuck in constant turmoil pondering the decisions they made in their lives that led them here to this country.’ – Chad Chadston, ESL edutainer, Wonderland Kids School.

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