Good Morning!

Woke up to some delightful news! 

Kim Yuna did not win the gold!

Thank fuck!

I mean, yeah, I have to listen to the fucking Klowns piss and moan and whine and carry on for the next fucking four years about how they were cheated… and yeah, they’ll make sure that they elevate Olympic cheating to a whole new level with the 2018 games (I imagine that they will win every single medal in every single sport, even ones they don’t compete it)… but this is justice.

Remember Roy Jones Jr. being robbed in 1988?

Remember the thievery against Spain and Italy in the 2002 World Cup?

Remember how the Klowns paraded themselves as masterful athletes each and every time they cheated to win?

Well after a utterly shitty Winter Games this year (guess they couldn’t bribe the Russians?  That doesn’t sound right…) the most important medal didn’t materialize for them.  Maybe she was cheated, maybe not, maybe the Russians and the rest of the world just fucking hate Klowns and their long history of Klown bullshit in international sports and decided that there was no way in fuck Yuna was getting a medal.

I’m not gay so I’m not much of an armchair figure skating judge, and actually didn’t watch the performances at all, but I’m sure the missed gold was well-deserved, one way or another.

Ever since Yuna and her bitch mother fired that fruity Canadian coach of hers that took her form teenager to Olympic gold in a typically mannerless, thankless Klown way I’ve hated seeing that weird muppet grin of hers plastered all over every product and posterable surface.

Good morning indeed 🙂


The Worst Kind of Expat

Westerner expats, particularly those in Asia, have become caricatures.  The bitter, jaded, unshaven figure hunched over a bar, drinking to numb the pain of knowing he picked the wrong horse… alcoholic, prematurely aged, and for the modern age, active online in bitch fest forums populated by other expats who are similarly miserable and stuck.

We’re an enviable bunch.

But what is “the worst kind of expat”?  Hmm?  Of all the unhappy stereotypes to choose from, which is the bottom of the barrel?  I’d say it has to be a archetype that other expats generally despise… so let’s look at a few:

The Apologist

This motherfucker is one of the loudest voices in the room.  He’ll blindly and ardently defend the infallibility and honor of his adopted home with the verve of an evangelical Christian defending creationism, despite overwhelming evidence of its failures.  The Apologist cannot sit idly by while other expats disparage Klown, its culture or its people.  Common counterarguments leveled by The Apologist are things like, “You haven’t taken the time to understand their unique culture!” or “If you don’t like it you should leave!”.  Well Mr. Apologist, it doesn’t take much to understand Klown kulture in terms of basic human decency, cleanliness or the kind of etiquette most 4 year olds have mastered, so fuck you.  As for the latter, we’re all here for one reason or another, but near none of us because we love Korean culture and want to play defenders of the Han faith… that means we’re allowed to be here AND not like things that are offensive or just plain filthy, so fuck you.

Ironically, The Apologist doesn’t seem to have any problems bashing the west.  A lot of the most vocal apologists are also the most vocal anti-American types.  So the country that gave you your freedoms, privileges, education (or freedom to be educated in that manner if you aren’t American), security and cache as an international traveler is open season meat, but the country that despises you, treats you like a criminal, steals from your nation’s innovators and lives in a perpetual state of hate-filled war-readiness is something that you need to defend, let alone find defensible?

The Apologist is often a complete social failure in his home country.  Anger at being an outcast as a youth back home, coupled with the necessity to deny the glaring problems in his new home to maintain sanity create the beast.  The Apologist may also mistake the stares, pointing and insincere personal compliments (you is handsome!) with Klowns actually expressing warmth and acceptance.  Behind the apologists back the envy-driven loathing continues.  At least back home, the loathing was up front and honest.  Apologists usually end up teaching kindergarten until they are too old to be marketable (40), then reach out to their Klown “friends” (who no longer talk about how handsome he is) to find that they no longer have any use for the novelty foreigner.  The Apologist may jump off a building, eke out a meager existence in Klown or return home to work at Best Buy.

Worse than The Apologist is the upgraded version, The Sycophant.  This guy was beaten up so badly and so often, and remained a virgin for so long, back in his home country that he has wholeheartedly thrown his lot in with the Klowns. The Sycophant wants nothing more than a pat on the head by some ajosshi and some very small degree of local fame (think the weather girl on a late night broadcast on a fourth-tier network in a small Midwestern state).  The Sycophant often speaks Korean fluently – he studied it full time for a year or so and spends all his time practicing with Klowns – and is a popular party favor at Klown functions (“Look at the western monkey speak our language!  Surely our culture must be famousuh and powerful.  Surely we must have the biggest, most swingingest penises in the whole world!  Let us throw some pocket change at the monkey and tell him he is a good boy!”).  The Sycophant works at a university as a “professor” (with a bachelors degree and perhaps a meaningless Klown-issued masters in cum guzzling) or on different radio/TV shows (for very little money), trying to be “famousuh”.   Sam Hammington – undisputed master of self-humiliation and pride allergies – is a good example of The Sycophant achetype.


The Delusional

The Delusional is the expat who doesn’t want to accept his fate.  This individual tells people he is “a business consultant” or “hired to develop corporate education systems” or “a curriculum management specialist” when he’s getting 50 bucks an hour to teach basic English to a few bored, hung over ajosshi suits – he may or may not have been able to choose his own book.  Some might tell you they are “entrepreneurs” when they resell stuff on Craigslist that they picked up out of the trash or inherited from other expats who finally did escape Klown.

The Delusional is not always full of shit about how he earns his money.  It could be that he claims to bed a different supermodel-level beauty each week when he’s actually pounding wrinkled granny poon.  Perhaps he’ll talk about how influential he is, how he’s on the board of some useless ATEK-like agency, how he has so-and-so’s phone number on speed dial; in reality he might have spoken at some sparsely-attended conference hosted by Seoul Global Center on “How Much the World Loves Sparkling Korea”.

In any event, he’s just an Engrishee teacher at the end of the day, or working some pissed-upon desk job in some office that nobody else in the world wanted to work at (by the way, JPMorgan is hiring for an office in Seoul, and apparently, at the meeting in London, not a single person wanted to move to Korea… who can blame them?).  The Delusional usually ends up seeking to impress a progressively lower demographic standard of people until he is bragging about how he once taught ESL at LG Electronics to a well-past-her-prime, one-legged hooker at some dive bar on the Hill in Itaewon.  You can find The Delusional nursing a cheap drink at some Itaewon hotspot, chatting with other Delusionals and trying his best to swagger.

The Internet ‘Winner’

A common theme among these candidates for “worst type of expat” is that, deep down in their heart or hearts, they all KNOW they fucked up and chose a cesspool of humanity for an adopted home.  The crushing weight of the self-hatred and despair is expressed in many ways, but perhaps none more annoying than The Internet Winner.

The Internet Winner has an account – nay, multiple accounts and socks – at every forum, message board and Facebook group related to expat life.  The sole source of joy in The Internet Winner’s otherwise sorrowful and suicide-worthy life is getting the last word in on online arguments pertaining to Klown.  Often The Apologist and The Internet Winner are one and the same, but not necessarily.  The Internet Winner is not exclusive to expat life, however… as expats we are all in roughly the same boat – minority pariahs in a world of shit – and shouldn’t resort to attacking one another when there are so many other worthy targets around us.  However, as the rest of us speak the same language, we shall remain constantly subjected to his bullshit.

Sometimes The Internet Winner is also “The Troll”.  And honestly, what lower form of humanity is there than the internet troll?  This asshole elects to spend whatever free time he has online trying to upset and aggravate others for no other motivation other than that he can do it safely from behind his keyboard without getting his teeth knocked down his throat like a pack of Tic Tacs.  The Troll may not be “the worst kind of expat” but is instead “the worst kind of human”.  Trolls exist to serve absolutely no purpose in life and should immediately kill themselves.  To think that someone wakes up in the morning with the goal – the actual goal – of exploiting some random stranger’s stress and anger in order to create more stress and anger as a form of “fun” makes me want to help them kill themselves.  In the expat world, an expat-on-expat troll deserves to have his face caved in with the butt end of a wine bottle, Pan’s Labyrinth style.

The Dependent

This expat often owns a business, or property, and is known as a “success story” in the expat world… only he didn’t earn any of it.  This guy was given his business or property by his in-laws.  Why?  One can only assume because he did the family a favor by marrying what may have been an otherwise unmarketable daughter… or because he agreed to move to The Human Centipede so that his wife could be closer to the toilet bowl society she hoped to escape by marrying a foreigner from an actually developed country.

The Dependent is actually a tolerable sort if he keeps his fucking mouth shut and has a humble attitude toward his success.  Unfortunately, too many examples of The Dependent need to mouth off about how successful they are, how great their business acumen is and how far above other expats they are.  Buddy, you married into money, or at least a family willing to give you whatever money they have.  It’s not a skill, particularly not in Klown where intellect is about as common as unicorns.  Shut the fuck up.  I might work at a public school teaching middle schoolers, drive a worthless beater and live in a studio apartment, but whatever I have, I earned.  If I was given a million dollars of seed money or assets to work with, you’d best believe I’d have it doubled in 5-10 years.  if you haven’t, you’re not a success, you’re a failure.

The Venter

I include myself in this category.  This poor fuck has snapped and no longer possesses the desire or capability of disguising his hate for Klown in the interest of political correctness and public decorum.  The Venter is full of poison and can no longer contain the voluminous venom inside himself.  You can find the Venter posting on blogs like this.  The Venter is trapped in Klown and hates himself for it.  The Venter either goes to prison, ends up a shell of a man or becomes heavily chemically dependent.

The Smiling Idiot

A great deal of my fellow E-2 visa holders fall into this category.  They come from Small Town, USA or UK or whatever.  They’re all gulps and “golly”s over the flashing lights of Seoul.  So weak is their cerebral puissance that these flashing lights hypnotize them in the same way shiny vintage hubcaps do chickens on a farm.  The Smiling Idiot can be found in Hongdae, drinking Soju (one of the most foul ways to get drunk) and Hite (horse piss branded as beer).  The Smiling Idiot knows, and loves to perform, the horsey dance from Gangnam Style.  The Smiling Idiot works as a teacher and gets paid less than almost everyone he knows.  Many smiling idiots are actually female.  The Smiling Idiot sleeps on a third-hand mattress on the floor and has a bag of Emart brand kimchi in his refrigerator next to a half-empty 2L bottle of Klown beer.  Often The Smiling Idiot authors a blog that contains many pictures of food, links to k-pop videos and asinine descriptions of their mundane adventures told as if taking the bus to the fish market was anything of note to anyone.

The Escapee

Fuck this guy pisses me off.  The Escapee actually got out of Klown and has some stability in actual civilization.  The Escapee constantly, constantly reminds the rest of us prisoners how great life is outside of Klown.  He will send pictures of pristine beaches, garbage cans on public sidewalks that are vomit and trash-free, nubile young blonds in bikinis, cars parked in straight lines and even cops doing (gasp!) their jobs.  The Escapee writes back to us and tells us, “Hey, you should leave Klown!” in a way that assumes that it is easy to do that without an actual plan and means of supporting oneself.

So who have I forgotten?  Which type of expat is truly the worst?

“Yellow” Journalism

Arirang, K Herald, K Times, the various “educational newspapers” (Kids Times, EduTimes etc etc)… basically ANY English-language news source in Korea is staffed and run exclusively by people with sub-85 IQs.  It’s a make-work project by the government to give the functionally mentally retarded folk in Klown a chance at a normal life.  It’s positively first-world. The primary group of staffers are kids returning from studying highschool and uni abroad who were totally unqualified/too lazy/too fucking stupid to get hired in the States. Nobody would sponsor them for a work visa for any job.  They returned to Klown and mommy/daddy got them a job as a “reporter”.  So, drooly-rag tied around their necks, Hello Kitty “Super Reporter Wow Fun Happy Time” notepad in hand and padded helmet securely fashioned, they were dropped off at one of the aforementioned “news” organizations and plopped down in front of a keyboard (the kind with the bright, primary-colored lego-like keys) and told to “go for it”.


Staff photo – Korea Times interns 2013 (Safety mitts removed for photo)


Now, despite a decade abroad doing absolutely nothing BUT studying English, and despite hundreds of thousands of dollars poured into tuition at schools and for private tutors (who essentially wrote all of their assignments for them), these “reporters” are unable to compose a single grammatically correct sentence in English that is longer than three words.  Multi-syllabic words confuse and scare them and mostly any word used that is longer than 5 or 6 characters comes courtesy of an online Korean-to-English dictionary.  The result is a word used entirely out of context, the curse of having the diction skills of a house pet. 

So the “news” organization hires a token native English speaker to be a “copyeditor”.  These “professionals” get all hot and bothered for the job as they think they are going to be “famous” or because they are just excited to be able to tell people that they are not an English teacher.  They get paid about 20 bucks an hour.  They are universally resented in the office by Klowns who think themselves incapable of fault.  They are often completely and hopelessly incompetent (as are many English teachers), and know little to nothing of how to edit properly, let alone basic English usage.  The chief Klowns and office supervisors do not even submit their work to the copyeditor, so what goes to print or on air is embarrassingly mangled.

Since nobody at the “news” organization actually gives a shit about journalistic integrity, facts or ethics, not only are the stories an unforgivable mess of linguistic errors, they are so poorly constructed and cited that a fourth grade teacher would fail them, and they are also frequently borderline libelous.

I’d like to be convinced that these “news” sources are part of a massive conspiracy to troll the English-speaking world, but in reality, this is just the best that Klown has to offer.  Sad, isn’t it? 


To Spite Your Face

The future does not look bright for Sparkling South Korea, despite what the propaganda machine is churning out.


Korea’s economy, the “Miracle on the Han”, which lifted one of the poorest nations on Earth into the G20, was built on two things: blatant intellectual property theft/plagiarism, and foreign aid (including things like reparations money that was supposed to be sent to comfort women).  From the muddy river-side shanties of just a few generations ago to modern apartments, the entire upward swing has been on the back of an economy which innovates almost nothing and opts instead to ape whatever actual innovators do and then offer the same products at better rates (often subsidized by overcharging the domestic consumer to power overseas price wars while at the same time shipping jobs abroad).  From the earliest Hyundai cars to modern smartphones, Korea has unapologetically copied every single thing that has given it economic success.  This manufacturing, export-driven economy cannot possibly last, however. 


Eventually, Chinese product quality will rival that of Korean, and even the Americans won’t be able to say no to the huge discount price difference between the two.  Klowns – in their typical moronic, illogical, arrogant Klown way – will be unable to compete on price and will instead try to claim their products are of a quality so superior as to be considered “luxury”.  Naturally, the actually-civilized world will laugh in their faces, pull investment (as they have already been doing) and buy from people they actually like.  Sure, sure, Korea talks about mastering industries like financial services, but let’s face it, only a brain-shunt-bearing, puking, puling cross-eyed imbecile would trust Klowns to manage their major assets.  When it comes to other people’s money, Klowns have about as high an ethical standard as an African dictator, or perhaps their Nork cousins across the border.  Nosiree, the economic future of Klown does not look bright, for many reasons.


In order to survive the future, Klown is going to need friends.  Other nations and leaders who want to support Korea as part of a relationship of mutualism.  As the globe, well, globalizes, people with money or in-demand products and services have an ever-growing number of partners to choose from.  Beyond the obvious issues of trust, people don’t generally want to deal with whiners, international sports cheats, misguided cultural supremacists and copycats, not unless there is a really juicy bit of meat attached to having to suffer through such assholery.  Take away the manufacturing meat and… well.


The Sea of Japan is the Sea of Japan.  The name denotes ownership as much as the Gulf of Mexico or the Indian Ocean do.  The sea is to the east of only Korea, where Klowns have been pissing their pants in a tantrum over renaming the body of water “the East Sea”.


What the motherfuck?


There is no benefit here.  A name change recognized around the world would not yield any new territory, rights to resources, shipping lanes… nada.  There would be no financial or political benefit whatsoever.


What it would do would piss off everyone in the region, but especially Japan – its closest neighbor – who, when China rises, will be about the only nation that will have enough empathy with the situation to work cooperatively with Klown.  But beyond that, in order to achieve the goal of having this body of water renamed for no other purpose than to piss off the Japanese, the Klowns are cashing in what few political checks they have.  In the States, the Klown lobbyists are pushing weak-spined politicians in states like Virginia to sign onto proposals to support making “East Sea” an official (in some small way) name.  For the politician, it means absolutely nothing as what the Klowns want to name some relatively unimportant body of water is such a trivial, meaningless non-issue that why wouldn’t they sign something about it to gain a few hundred votes?  But what happens when the Klowns actually need to lobby for something meaningful?  They’ve already leveraged their political support to get some maps amended (well, actually, to get a paper that says some tertiary state kinda, maybe supports the idea of maybe thinking about wondering about if the maps should, at some point, be amended).  When contracts for things like fleets of Klown-made government vehicles start going to China (or Japan if prices can be adjusted), what then?  Stupid, myopic Klown; maybe you can use that shiny new map as a blanket when you’re sleeping in a doorway.


What a stupid, fucking petty thing to whine about.  One more reason for countries around the world to hate Klown, ban Klowns from their establishments, refuse to buy their products… So they can, what?  “Stick it to the Japs”?  Holy fucknut.  Good fucking luck in the future Klown, you’re going to desperately need it.  Right now you’ve got something that makes the other kids want to play with you, but there isn’t any love or kinship there.  Very soon you’re going to be eating your lunch alone under a tree behind the gym, teary-eyed and grubby, wondering why everyone else despises you.

I Want a New Drug, One That Won’t Make Me Sick

I miss being able to go into a 7-11 or Walmart or Costco or any number of other retailers back home and buying drugs.  No, no… calm down… I don’t mean the kind of drugs that the Korean media repeatedly suggests that every foreigner uses, smuggles and sells.  I mean OTC (Over the Counter) medicine that is used to treat the symptoms of common ailments such as a cold, flu, allergic reaction, digestive problem or sleep dysfunction.  I like that I’m able to get Tylenol in Chicago, 5 minutes from my house, at 2:00 am, in a bottle with enough pills to get me through a miserable weekend of being sick.  I like that something stronger, say a NyQuil or sleep aid, is similarly easy to obtain.  It’s nice to know that I’m trusted by society at large not to take 25 aspirin in one shot, being that I’m a literate adult who can read the packaging.

Klown is a different beast entirely.

Not only do you need to go to a pharmacy (not a drug store or cosmetics-and-household-supplies-plus-meds-at-the-back store) to get things as simple as ibprofun, prune juice and Mentholatum, but you need to purchase such relief in tiny packages that are really designed only to last a couple of days.  Prices per pill are outstandingly high given that a customer does not have the option of purchasing in bulk.  These pharmacies are small, and generally numerous enough, but close early (compared to other Korean businesses – often before someone might arrive home sick form the office after being forced to work late) and don’t often carry a robust product line. 

You can get prescriptions (from Klown “doctors” so who knows what those are worth) filled, most of the time, and if you have done so you will remember that you get odd little wax-paper baggies full of unmarked, random pills, conveniently divided into your daily doses.  Again, the doses are only good for a couple of days.

ImageI don’t know about you, but I miss getting my medicine in a nice, tiny box, upon which would be printed the manufacturer’s name and contact information, a list of active ingredients, detailed instructions, warnings about possible complications and patent numbers.  Those little tiny words give me trust.  They make me less anxious about putting powerful chemical compounds into my body.  I don’t get that same degree of comfort from wax paper baggies.  They look more like what a downtown drug dealer might sell you out of a brown paper bag and less like actual, proper medicine.  As it turns out, the downtown drug dealer might have a safer product.

There are about 200-300 pharmaceutical manufacturers in Klown.  That’s a huge number.  Huge.  It’s shocking because so very few of them actually produce original drugs.  Only the very largest can afford to invest in the research and testing necessary to create new pharmaceutical products… and let’s be honest, who would want to take a locally-developed original drug?  Klown pharmaceutikal kompanies don’t have the competence to succeed internationally, so they fight over the domestic market.  They spend almost nothing on R&D, especially given the size of the market, the export-driven economic model (okay, okay, the copy-and-sell model) and the monopoly they have on sales. 



Klown kompanies don’t produce original drugs?  So then what the ever-loving fuck are 300 of these kompanies making?

Generic copies. 

Mostly these generic copies are of patent-expired drugs, but often enough they will be rip-offs from actual innovators and scientists.  Klowns will claim, once a new drug hits the market, to have “found a new way to manufacture the drug”.  They will search for loopholes in patents to allow them to claim an “original drug”.  They will sometimes get sued in Samsung-esque style and lose big.  I imagine that if even half the time and money that was spent looking for ways to circumvent patent laws – including bribes to the KFDA officials who help the process – was spent on R&D then Korea might have something to be proud of.  But from an end-user standpoint, which company profits from which drug has little relevance, right?  Generics are priced at about 80% of the cost of original drugs,

The way the system works here, the first kompanies to produce a generic copy of an original drug get to sell their drugs at a higher price than other kompanies submitting their drugs later.  Quality differences are NOT taken into consideration.  Regardless of quality, the first kompany to meet the KFDA minimum rekwirements is given the right to sell their shitty, low-kwality knock-off drug at a higher price than others.  The government, meanwhile, will support the difference in the sales price to the consumer, which costs and enormous amount of money, at around 25% of the total healthcare expenditures of the Kuntry. 

When a drug is copied, permission to sell the generic is submitted to the KFDA for approval.  Based on which kompany’s drug is approved in which order, government subsidies are awarded on a sliding scale.  In order to gain approval, a drug kompany must produce a equivalency test result, basically saying that the active ingredient in the generic is more or less the same as what is in the original. 

Of course though, in true Klown fashion and inspired by their wondrous 5,000-year-old kulture, and similar to the way Klowns handle the safety of parts for their nuclear power plants, the bioequilivancy test results are often (very often according to my inside sources) falsified.  The rewards for being the one of first to market (of, again, 200 kompanies) are just too attractive, especially given the ultra-competitive nature of the industry.  Occasionally a kompany is caught (I guess they didn’t pay the right bribe or pick up enough checks at Seoul brothels) and given a slap-on-the-wrist fine, but the practice continues.  So forget the “rebate” system of kickbacks and “black money” (bribes) in place between pharmaceutical manufacturers, hospitals and pharmacists over who pushes what generic drug, the actual quality and usefulness of the drugs themselves are highly questionable.

As a consumer, you don’t really know which kompany is producing the drug you’re taking (or that your child is taking) either.  There are no identifiers on the packages that let you know what exactly is in them, let alone who manufactured them.  Our downtown, paper bag drug dealer?  He’s answerable to the quality of his product.  Customers know where it came from and if his weed is really oregano, or his meth isn’t blue enough (I know…) or his coke is cut with too much baby powder, he won’t have return customers.  In Klown, customers aren’t given enough information to know who to stop buying from if their pills are bogus.  Furthermore, if someone dies from taking a cheaply-made and dangerous knock-off, it can be tough to know exactly what pill, or combination thereof, is the culprit as Klown pharmacies just throw in a half dozen various meds into the same wax paper packs.  From the doctor to the pharmacists to the manufacturer, the attitude just seems to be “Hey.  Trust us.”

You’d have to be a fool to.  The only competent Klown doctors I’ve ever met have been those who have spent extensive amounts of time living abroad.  Universities here have a 95% pass rate (though Klown students fail miserably abroad).  That means that once a student has passed the standardized tests use to determine entrance to programs like medical school, their work is pretty much done.  Klown students can become prescription-writing “doctors” with just a 4-year degree for programs like “traditional medicine”.  Doctors back home, real doctors, go though well over a decade of grueling studies – that the weak do flunk out of – and internships before they are full fledged, trust medical caregivers.  You’ll forgive me if a Klown degree doesn’t exactly impress me or inspire confidence.  Same goes for the pharmacists.  The drug kompanies are just snake-oil salesmen… sometimes quite literally.

I’d rather go to Namdaemun underground market and buy near-expiration-date bottles of western OTC meds than trust a Korean generic drug.  Now, there have been changes made to the system here that are supposed to discourage the first-to-market incentive to cheat test results.  Now the kompanies can only charge a flat rate of 53.5% of the original drug cost for their generics.  But of course that means less profit.  And lab tests are expensive.  I don’t think this will stop falsified test results, it will just encourage the practice to spread out to include late-to-market kompanies.  Of course, the rebate system of kickbacks will continue, as it does for every industry in Klown, and the end user will still end up getting fucked with low-quality meds from kompanies who couldn’t possibly give less of a fuck about research, ethics or science… let alone about your health.

There are several websites out there that allow you to order western-made OTC products online.  You can also ship products relatively inexpensively to Korea from North America and Europe using freight shipping websites like  Hopefully you won’t need to be taking your medication out of a ghetto drug baggie in future… and if you do need something that an OTC can’t cover, make certain you are getting the name-brand original drug.  The doctor you visit, who is no doubt receiving “rebates” and kickbacks to push shitty generics on you, will resist your efforts to purchase the original drugs.  If so, tell him to go fuck a bag of kimchi with his tiny dick and move on to a doctor who will prescribe you the original drug.